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God has returned

Liverpool have followed Spurs lead, and brought one of their favourite sons back to Anfield. Slakr tries to avoid getting all teared up in his joy.

The only thing that makes me sad is that I’ve got to admit that Boggs called it right. Following Tottenham Hotspur’s moves to bring Teddy Sheringham back to their fold, Liverpool seem to have one-upped their Champions League Qualification Spot Rivals (gor! say that four times quickly) by returning one of their own favourite sons back to the fold. Affectionately known as God at Anfield, Robbie Fowler has completed a free transfer back to the club where he started. Though its a short term contract (up for an extension at the end of the season), Fowler has recently given plenty of hope that he’s still got greatness in him with a spectacular goal that killed the game against Man United, and a hat-trick in his return from injury in the FA Cup.

Like many fans who grew up in the time of Steve Macmanamanaman, Robbie, and Jamie Redknapp’s “heydays”, there a strong bond and affection with a player I’d rate as the best English finisher of his generation. Forced out of Liverpool’s starting lineup by injuries, suspensions, and Houllier’s reliance on a strikeforce of Emile Heskey and Michael Owen, Fowler has never quite lived up to the promise he showed as a two-time PFA Young Player of the Year, but at 30 should have a few years of quality still left in him. In the mid-90s, there was considerable hope that Fowler and Co. would form the core of a quality team for years to come, but sadly it seemed that motivation never matched the talent. What was never in doubt, however, was how much Robbie loved this club, and its fans. From his support for striking dockworkers to his celebration of goals against Everton, the boy was essentially a fan grown up to become a superstar.

Fowler is unquestionably drinking from the Trough of Last Chances here at Liverpool. But given that the motivation seems right (Quote Benitez: “”I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a player quite so happy to be joining a club before.”), the history, and the fact that we could use some quality finishing at the moment, I’m optimistic that this ones going to turn out to be a peach of a signing. Stevie G seems to have carried this club on heart alone many times of the last few seasons. Maybe now, he’s got someone to share the burden with.

Well that didn’t take long…

Boggs digs deep to shake the hand of the fat man:

A mere 2 days after the countdown began, it’s over. Big Sam has finally come out to speak to his adoring public about his chances for the England job, although admittedly not quite how I’ve come to expect from the humble Bolton boss.

He said: “Of course being the bookies’ favourite is something I really do appreciate as it seems to be from the people’s point of view. There again it is just about me focusing on what I need to do. That is getting positive results for Bolton.”

“I want to be quiet about it (the England role) and get on with my job at Bolton and not let anything detract from that. The speculation has been a distraction, especially this week. Now it is time to move on.”

Good lord, he spent the better part of a year publicly applying to be Sven’s replacement and now that he’s the favorite he’s going to be all hush? Where’s the bravado? The unadulterated arrogance?

Well…perhaps he was worn out after this lovely rant at Mike Riley following Bolton’s match with Blackburn:

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In Praise Of: Sneaky Swedes and Scottish Managers

Slakr’s taken his positive side about as far as it can go. Since every respectable journalist seems to be blaming a media circus for Sven’s departure, he’s taken it upon himself to put the blame where the blame should lie.

And make no mistakes about it, the idiot who is responsible for Sven’s current troubles is one sneaky Swede named Sven Goran Eriksson. I’ve just about had enough about the tripe about how his personal life shouldn’t matter, and what he says in “private” should remain private. Lets get one thing straight here: the national football team during a World Cup are amongst the most visible respresentatives England has. Asking that their manager retain some degree of public integrity is not a big ask.

I personally thought that Sven should have been let go during the whole Faria “FA Bicycle” Alam scandal. Do I care that the England manager had an affair? Not really. Do I care that he got caught with his pants down? You bet your arse I do. I want my England manager to make headlines, but I want them to be on the back page. At least until the front page headline reads “England Win!”. The manager should not be the story, and though some may choose to blame scumbag journalists for making him out to be, there are a few very simple things Sven could have done to not give them the satisfaction. Here’s the advice I would give the new England manager:

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Transfer of the season in the works?

Ed: The story has now been run in The Times, wtf Sheringham Back To Spurs? Transfer of the season?

According to a journalist on Talksport, The Times is going to be running a story on the what will be the biggest transfer of the season (although apparently not in terms of the fee paid).

Message boards are already a flutter with rumors, Fowler returning to Liverpool (wtf?), Defoe or King to Liverpool, Torres or Beckham to Tottenham, Henry to Barca with Torres to Arsenal, Fat Sam to become player-manager of England, Ferguson to bring back Djemba-Djemba?

Many possibilites, all ridiculous. Let us know what you reckon this supposed mega deal is going to involve and have bragging rights for life if it comes off.

Things we like: Football playing robots

No, not the kind Gary Neville is upset about, but actual God-honest football playing robots.

Unsurprisingly, the Germans won the Robot World Cup in 2004 and predicted that a team of football cyborgs will defeat a human team by 2050. Plenty to look forward to then.

So we’ve started down a slippery slope and may as well accept that there’s there’s only one place to go from here.

Fat Sam countdown

Now that Sven is officially on his way out the door after Germany 2006, we just wanted to start a countdown of days (minutes?) that it would be before Sam Allardyce comes out and once again bigs himself up for the job.

Steve McClaren is obviously up there in the running, as is Curbishley and any other remotely decent English manager from the past 100 years. But we all know Sam will be heading up his own campaign for the job, which means Kevin Davies may finally get his wish.

So it’s January 24th, let the countdown begin!

Time to play “Name That Bung”

By now, everyone who’s reading this article has already read ad nauseum the comments Stupid Sven made to the Iron Sheik. But because of libel laws, no respectable news source has been able to print them. Good thing we don’t aim for respectability then, eh

In all seriousness, CaughtOffside cannot name names either, unless we’re 100% sure who those teams are. And lets face it, unless you’ve got an unedited audio recording of the conversation, you’re not 100% sure either who Sven named. But one of the things we found frustrating this morning was that we couldn’t find a lot of places where a cross-section of fans were able to discuss things in the passionate manner that our readers exhibit, and so we decided to get the ball rolling.

Just to be clear, we’re not looking to figure out which managers actually take bungs. Ideally, you’ll all keep your opinions on that to yourself (fat chance). What we’re looking for is your reasoned opinion on who Sven named.

As a quick recap, here are the hints that News of The World dropped for us. Go forth young men, and spout vitriol.

1. CLUB ONE is a struggling Premiership outfit whose manager Eriksson labelled “the worst” at taking backhanders.
2. CLUB TWO is one of the country’s most famous names whose boss Still accused of being involved in a big transfer “scam” .
3. CLUB THREE is another leading side which allegedly paid over the odds for players in “illegal deals”.

Out with the old, in with the new?

On a day where Terry Henry continues to perfectly play the mind games required to either secure a huge contract or successfully see your way out the door with the blame firmly on the club, Gunner supporters have something else to be happy about.

After much speculation and rather boring conclusion, Theo Walcott has decided to sign up with Arsene Wenger’s side after interest from Chelsea and Tottenham. Since Theo promised to sign a contract on his 17th birthday, allowing Southampton to secure a fee for him, he will join the club as a ’scholar’ before officially completing the transfer for 5m up front rising to 12m.

A coup for Arsenal if he turns out to be nearly as good as the hype, but the last time we saw a hefty fee paid for such a young player - it didn’t turn out quite as well as hoped. Twice.

Where should Walcott wander?

So with chairmen and players alike chiming in on the future of the Next Wayne Rooney, it seems inevitable that he will end up at either Arsenal or Chelsea by the close of the transfer window - though for all the hype the transfer fee will be less than the record paid for a teenager (currently held by the Actual Wayne Rooney).

So we’d like to know where you all reckon he should go, and why (or why not)? Don’t limit yourself to Chelsea and Arsenal, after all Walcott supposedly supported Liverpool as a young lad and also played for Harry Redknapp at Southampton. With Portsmouth’s new funds, who’s to say they won’t land the wunderkind for 20m? Well…everyone really. But Tottenham have cash to spend, Manchester United need something to be happy about, and Big Sam will no doubt chime in at some point about how good Bolton are.

So answers on a postcard (or in the comments), best post gets one of these.

In Praise Of: Martin Jol

Slakr’s inability to understand this whole “third-person journalism” thing has led to us giving him a new column. His need to deal with his rage issues has led to it being entitled “In Praise Of.” Today, he sings the praises of Martin Jol and Tottenham Hotspur:

So let me start off by admitting that I cannot stand Edgar Davids. I’ve hated him since the first time I saw those pretentious sunglasses. If there’s a good medical reason for him to be wearing them, but otherwise I’m not a fan of fashion accessories in football. There’s always a risk that they may catch on (see David Beckham, white shoes). So Martin Jol was far from my favorite manager at the start of the season. And it didn’t get a whole lot better early on — I believe the exact description I used was Fat, Ugly and Out Of His Mind. But Saturday’s encounter against my Liverpool side has me thinking again. He may still be fat, ugly and out of his mind, but he’s a manager worth admiring.

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Spurs/Pompey overhauls far from over

After managing to go a week without following their recent transfer policy of selling and buying over 1,000 players per transfer window, the big wigs at Tottenham have once again pulled the trigger.

Portsmouth have snapped up Spurs trio Pedro Mendes (a champions league winner), Sean Davis (an England hopeful a few seasons ago) and Noe Paramot (who actually played for Portsmouth as a youngster) for an estimated 7million. Approximately the same amount paid for them originally.

It represents good business for the North London side. The three players were very much on the fringe, rumored to be unhappy and had fallen into that unfortunate group of players where even fans aren’t sure if the player is injured or dropped, but just know that he sure as hell isn’t playing any more. It also provides a nice boost to the transfer kitty that, rumors to be believed, is firmly set aside for Southampton whizzkid Theo Walcott and possibly Udinese’s Iaquinta.

Meanwhile, Portsmouth have their intentions clear after some heavy investment from really rich fellow. The new signings will join strikers Benjani Mwaruwari and Emmanuel Olisadebe in a revamped Pompey squad, and there is little hope of the club being referred to as anything other than ‘Pompski’ for the forseeable future.

Considering the sizable investment required to make Chelsea champions, we think it’ll be more interesting to see how much is required to turn a less fancied side like Portsmouth into a Europe or even title contender. The success of such an experiment could determine how long it is before we see Manchester United vs. Richard Branson presents Charlton Athletic.