• Home
• About
• Write for COS
• Advertise
• Fun Stuff

• Premier League
• Championship
• Scottish Premier League
• General Football
• Transfer Rumours

Subscribe

The Five For Fourth

Boggs can’t believe his eyes as he looks at the league table, but as with every good Spurs supporter he knows it will all end badly. But just how?

I still can’t get over it. I just can’t. End of February and Tottenham are not only well clear of relegation and managed to keep the same manager they started the season with, we’re in bloody fourth!

But it’s Spurs and things for us are never easy. For one it seems that our usual Christmas slump has only been delayed a few months, with three last-minute goals against us in three matches ensuring that over the last 6 matches the club is 15th in the Premiership form table. But the real worry is that there are no less than four other teams fighting to take the final Champions League spot from us and look more than capable of doing so. Bolton, Arsenal, Blackburn and West Ham are well placed to shatter our dreams and claim what has become the holy grail for the majority of the Premiership. Not only that, but of COURSE Tottenham still have to play every single one before season end to ensure we will have ample opportunity to have it all go tits up.

So what do I make of these other would-be Everton’s? Well, in order of the threat they pose:

1) Bolton

Yes. Bolton. I hate Fat Sam. And I hate Bolton. But they are damn good at what they do and at this stage of the season you need to be able to grind out the results you need regardless of injuries, venue or weather. Ol Fatty’s group of thugs and should-be-retired stars have been trained physically and especially mentally for exactly this situation. They’re also two games behind the rest of the pack and should they win those they would find themselves sitting in fourth right now. The only wild card is whether they suffer any effects from their UEFA cup campaign. Their two games in hand leave them extremely well placed. DAMN YOU FAT SAAAAAM!!!

Read more

Shock, Horror as Slakr Defends Chelski!

Slakr actually agrees with Moaninho about Del Horno. To a point. And rants about the rest of the Champions League results.

The only thing that almost no-one can dispute is that Wednesday’s Champion’s League games were tremendous advertisements for the game as a whole. Trying to watch all four games on four big screens made me realize exactly why I love football. Unlike any other sport, I (and most of you) can watch and appreciate a good game even when we’re not emotionally invested in either team. First-legs can often be a bit of a letdown, with nothing completely at stake in the 90 minutes. These four certainly did not follow that pattern.

The star game of the night was undoubtedly Werder Bremen at home to Juventus. 1-0 up with 20 minutes left. 2-1 down with 8 minutes left. 3-2 up at the final whistle. I wouldn’t have wanted to be a Bremen fan with a heart condition. Tremendous fight by both sides, with the only complaint possibly being (and this is only on watching a repeat) that some players seemed mighty prone to disappearing for large stretches of the game. The most amusing snippet of footage I’ve seen for a while as well was Bremen fans celebrating the second goal too much to notice the third. There was one guy in particular who clearly missed the entire goal and didn’t realize for a while exactly what had happened. Priceless.

Inter - Ajax was another cracker. Inter were frankly disappointing in the first period. They were far from it in the second. There were a number of chances to equalize in the second, and it was their just desserts that they did finally in the 86th. Tremendous character and fight when a 2-1 loss would have been an acceptable result.

Rangers - Villareal was a game closer to the heart. I don’t think there are many neutral fans in Scotland, but those that there are must be squarely behind Rangers after this performance. Villareal are a quality team, and in Riquelme have a fabulous playmaker, but Rangers more than held their own in this game. Though this must count as a point for Villareal thanks to the precious away goals. Rangers have left themselves with a decent chance of progressing even further in the competition.

The Chelski - Barca class sadly will be overshadowed by controversy. And Mourinho is dead right — that tackle didn’t deserve a red card. A yellow certainly, but it was the tackle of a desperate man being outclassed, rather than a desperate man out for violence. That he probably deserved another yellow earlier is irrelevant — you cannot reflectively give cards for previous offenses. And Messi does act well for an 18-year-old (though rather like a 5-year-old, he gives it away by looking up and making sure his parents are watching first). Though to be fair, it may not be the Catalan theatre companies that are responsible for his skill, but rather just watching tapes of Chelski (Robben anyone?). And Del Horno had no business rolling around as much as he did either in an attempt to evade the yellow. It would have been justice if he had been given a yellow for the foul, and an immediate yellow for play-acting. But we can play what-ifs all night. The truth is that he got a red card for the foul, and didn’t deserve that.

But lets leave the controversy aside for a second. Chelsea (note the spelling) played like lions for the rest of a game that had been fairly cagey till that point. The skill has never been in doubt, but the fight, heart and discipline that they displayed shows why Roman has been able to “buy” titles in England in a way that Real Madrid cannot. Drogba threw away a gilt-edged chance to end the game on an emphatic note, and Chelsea payed the price, but I don’t want to be the person that plays them next up.

Most of the games on Tuesday, on the other hand deserve slightly less mention. Liverpool were pants. As were Benfica. And the sucker-punch at the end was undeserved, but really just rewards to the ‘Pool for what looked like a complete lack of effort. Luis Garcia in particular deserves to be called out for not completing any passes at all (unless you count the pinpoint ones to Benfica players).

But lets leave the best to the last. That man Mr. Henry. What a goal. And what a performance by The Children of the Arse. Beckham looked poor (then again, he is). Woodgate looked like he was made of glass. Ronaldo looked like he’d had a pie too many. Robinho looked out of his league, and it was only the marvelous Casillas that kept the scoreline barely respectable. Flamini and Fabregas showed why Wenger rates them so highly, and Freddie and Terry looked like invincibles. Yes, those Invincibles. Naturally I hope Liverpool decimate them in an all-England final, but if not the ‘Pool here’s hoping that The Arse pull a Michael Owen on Patty Viera and win the trophy that the great man is still missing.

Slakr’s Champs League Preview: What Does This Week Hold For The Big Four?

Slakr pulls out his rather misty crystal ball to predict this week’s results as the Champions League gets back on track. Be prepared to be amazed…
So in case it slipped anyone’s mind, I’m just being cruel here. Manchester United are not going to be playing in the round of sixteen. Which leaves them time to concentrate on domestic trophies. Sorry, I mean trophy. But the 2004-2005-2006 English Premier League Champions (who are we kidding denying it?), the 2005 FA Challenge Cup Champions, and my very own 2005 Champions of Europe are all in action, and some of the games look right peachy.

Lets start with what should be the dullest one of the lot. Liverpool are away to Benfica. And while Man United were unable to get it done in Lisbon, lets not forget that the scoreline there would be borderline acceptable with the Anfield leg still to come. Liverpool are also coming off two massive victories against their traditional rivals, while Benfica have to be looking forward to this weekend’s cruch game with Porto.

Benfica are also coping with a variety of internal struggles of their own. Liverpool’s lack of firepower must be a worry, but the midfield has picked up the slack fairly well this season, and with Gerrard’s form in the Champs League, Alonso coming back, Garcia’s crunch goals, and Kewell looking something like the marvel he was at Leeds (plus The Human Wrecking Ball John Arne Riise), they should be able to pull this one out. Given recent results, I’d have to predict a 1-0 win here for the ‘Pool.

Arsenal against Madrid should be a cracker. Arsenal fans are probably bricking at the thought, but there are a couple of factors that work in their favour here. First off, lets not forget that they’re the higher seeded side in this contest, something that has helped the vast majority of sides over the years (I don’t have the full stats, but I think I read it was something like 12 of the 16 side since this round was introduced). And while the comparisons to last year’s Liverpool side don’t really make sense to me, I think thats because I have too much respect for the Arse here. Liverpool’s problem last year was that they just didn’t have either the talent or the consistency to be anyone’s favourites for the Cup. They were carried through on the back of a few superhuman displays by individuals you wouldn’t have expected, and one who you would (Pongolle, Smicer, Biscan and Mellor vs. Stevie G).
Read more

Your say: Change the fecking rule already!

Tired of forwards running in from offside positions at free kicks? Hate the offside rule altogether? We’ve seen a number of websites running op-eds on what rules should and shouldn’t be changed, but CaughtOffside is different. We want to know how you would Blatter-up this lovely sport.

Boring options include:

• - Changing back the offside rule
• - Making any handball be an offense
• - Divers drawn and quartered outside stadium
• - Video replays for goals

So lets come up with something imaginative. Why can’t there be a rule that would award your side some points they clearly deserved, but were cheated out of? Why can’t refs be replaced with scantily clad Page 3 models?

To start you off, here’s a couple of our own:

1. All refs get earpieces to the booth upstairs. They should be 80’s style like Fat Sam’s.

2. All cards should be immediately reviewed, and possibly overruled by a 5th official who has access to video replays. The official should be able to communicate immediately with the ref and the 4th official to send players back on if they’ve been dismissed unfairly, and to ask for the removal or carding of a player who managed to do something unseen. For example, this would have seen Arjen Robben marched to the centre circle and kicked squarely in the balls by a young fan after his antics against Liverpool (see left).

3. Fouls that cause injury should have sliding bans. If you injure a player and they’re out of the game for an extended period of time, so are you. For extra credit, you can add multiplier based on the last transfer value of both players — so if you break the leg of a midfielder who cost 12 times what you did, say goodbye to your career. John Arn Riise would be the first casualty of such a rule after his clearly malicious and deliberate attack on Alan Smith.

4. Cheating should be banned. Yes, this one is going to be harder to catch, but there’s our trusty 5th official to help with the video replays. And no red or yellow cards here — we should introduce a new type of card (pink would be appropriate) that applies only to cheats. The card has the same effect as a red, but without the three-game ban. Two pink cards should ensure that you’re banned from playing for your national team for a year — you don’t deserve to represent your country if you’re a cheat. The card would also stay\ attached to your outfit for the rest of the season and only becomes more effeminate as the offenses pile up. For example, Jose Antonio Reyes would be covered in glitter by season’s end. Divers, professional foulers, and injury fakers are all at risk here.

So get a pint or two in you and let us know your ideas to better the beautiful game.

Capello The Fellow (Brilliant!)

Seems the latest man unfortunate enough to be lined up as Sven’s successor with England is Juventus’ Fabio Capello. Italian newspaper Corriere dello Sport claim that Capello has been offered a four-year contract worth around £19million to take over after the World Cup.

Rarely do world class club coaches move on to take control of national teams, so our first reaction was to scoff. Fabio Capello? Winner of La Liga, multiple Serie A’s, European Cups, now moving into the firing line of the British media? Ha!

But after realizing how stupid we sounded for saying that out loud in the middle of the office, the idea isn’t quite as crazy as it first seemed. Capello has hinted at both an interest in English football as well as national team coaching, in November he said ‘I have always said that I would be interested in working in England.’ Following up in January with: ‘Coaching a foreign national side appeals to me. This would take up two to three months of my time and would allow me to travel.’

Interesting, no? Well it gets better, Capello also had a rather nomadic attitude towards his coaching jobs in the past. Coaching AC Milan, Real Madrid, AC Milan (again), Roma and now Juventus all in the space of 10 years - consistently showing a desire to take on new challenges rather than rest on his laurels. Having won pretty much everything possible in the domestic world, a World Cup would only cap off his career.

So that’s sorted then, Capello is the next England coach. But what can we expect from a second consecutive coach who wears glasses?

Capello is as proven a winner as is possible in football. What we won’t know is how he intends to play, his teams have gone from attacking delight (Roma) to an almost Chelsea-like fondness for grinding out wins (current Juventus). But as much as we all like to harp on about beautiful football, it won’t matter at all when John Terry lifts the trophies in 2008 and 2010.

Even better, Capello is as hard a bastard as there is in coaching. The media have been able to have their way with Sven as he’s generally a meek, quiet little man but Fabio is liable to reach out and choke any cheeky journalists into submission.

That famous Redknapp family work ethic

Caught this little tidbit off F365 which sheds some light on recent events at Portsmouth:

“Now we’ve got Chelsea (a week on Saturday) and then Aston Villa away in the next two games,” said Redknapp, who has gone on a break to Dubai .

And what a well deserved holiday it is. We can certainly remember all the times things haven’t been going well at our 9to5 and the solution was definitely to immediately bugger off on a week’s leave, done and dusted!

Chelsea finish 5th! Shock! Horror!

The Deloitte ‘rich list’ of the world’s wealthiest football clubs (in terms of revenue) has just been released, with a few surprises thrown in. Despite similar on-field problems, Real Madrid and Manchester United have swapped positions with the Spanish club pulling in around 20million more in 2004-05. One reason could be the respective presence/absence of David Beckham taking its toll, or possibly the fact that Real bought the entire Brazilian national team, but David Jones - partner in Deloitte’s sports group - is optimistic about United bouncing back:

‘It would be foolish to write their obituary. United may have slipped off the top but it’s worth remembering that they are still the most profitable club in the world.

‘They will have an extra 7,500 seats in their ground from next season which will bring in more money and if they can improve on the pitch they should have good revenue growth for the next two or three years.’

One surprise is that Chelsea have fallen one spot to fifth who, overtaken by Juventus, you would think that with the London club on such a meteoric rise on and off the pitch in the past few years that revenues would be going up in kind. Other Premiership clubs represented are Liverpool (8), Newcastle (12), Tottenham (13), Manchester City (17), and Everton (18).

The full list (millions of pounds):

1 (2) Real Madrid 186.2
2 (1) Manchester United 166.4
3 (3) AC Milan 158.0
4 (5) Juventus 154.9
5 (4) Chelsea 149.1
6 (7) Barcelona 140.4
7 (9) Bayern Munich 128.0
8 (10) Liverpool 122.4
9 (8) Inter Milan 119.7
10 (6) Arsenal 115.7
11 (12) Roma 89.0
12 (11) Newcastle 87.1
13 (14) Tottenham 70.6
14 (17) Schalke 04 65.8
15 n/a Lyon 62.7
16 (13) Celtic 62.6
17 (16) Manchester City 60.9
18 n/a Everton 60.0
19 n/a Valencia 57.2
20 (15) Lazio 56.1

 

---

Read Newcastle rumors on the Newcastle section.

 

---

 Caughtoffside.com - Sports blog offering Sports news & Sports articles

New look, same dross

Nice writeup over on Soccernet regarding the farce that has become Milan Mandaric’s reign over at Portsmouth these days. After a Abramovich-style injection of cash from rich boy Alexandre Gaydamak we were curious as to how the relegation battle version of Chelski would do. After one point from six games, text messages calling for ‘Arry getting the sack and, ironically, Chelsea up next - it seems that even money won’t make up for staggering managerial incompetance.

Can’t say we’re particularly sorry either, Gaydamak threw 20million at Pompey to complete overhaul their starting eleven and had Portsmouth surged up the table it would surely only have led to more clubs becoming the playtoys of bored billionaires. For the sake of football, it may not be the worst thing in the world if Redknapp becomes one of the lucky few managers to relegate two different teams - perhaps even a fitting, suitably hilarious end after his rather disagreeable antics on the South Coast over the past couple seasons.

Who could possibly top Souness?

The question on all Newcastle fans’ minds, surely? The ex-moustached one compiled an impressive resume while at St. James’ Park by signing Michael Owen and…uh…didn’t he…uh…well…erm…

Anyway, the search for a successor goes on while odd couple Glenn Roeder and Alan Shearer have steered the side to two wins on the trot. A number of names have been thrown into the hat including Martin Jol (via incredibly dubious football website) and Martin O’Neill (though the England job is much more likely), but the latest and apparently most solid link is Ottmar Hitzfeld.

The former Bayern Munich coach, twice a Champions League winner and recent Please-Replace-Fergie candidate, has been out of football since being sacked 18 months ago but seemingly is ready to strike up talks as Freddie Shepard gets one last throw of the dice. The rumor mill across message boards has seen the German’s name bandied about even before Souness was axed, but now it seems the press is finally starting to get wind of it.

There are also other talented and available managers out there such as Paul Le Guen, who turned Lyon into a side that dominated Ligue 1 for years while also making strides in the Champions League. The frenchman is currently lined up for the vacant Rangers spot but may prefer a move to the Premiership. And we’re pretty sure David Pleat would love another shot at Premiership management…seriously.

But the question for now is, can Hitzfeld possibly do better than the legend that is Graeme Souness?

Ed: Thanks to Laurie Mills for a tip on www.hitzfeldforthetoon.com

 

---

Read more Newcastle rumors on the Newcastle section.

 

---

 Caughtoffside.com - Sports blog offering Sports news & Sports articles

Erm…uh…ok

News of the World has come out with a rather graphic story about bisexual footballers getting involved in orgies and sticking mobile phones in each other’s bottoms.

You know, the usual night out.

Anyway, it’s all very sad that footballers can not be openly gay for fear of hearing thousands of people take the piss every weekend - but the nature of the story is still a rather entertaining read.

An excerpt:

ON me bed, Sony! The News of the World today reveals how two bisexual Premiership stars made some VERY dirty phone calls—using a mobile as a gay sex toy.

The players—one capped several times for England— were caught on camera cavorting with a pal well known in the music industry in a homosexual orgy that will shock soccer.

The three men—who cannot be identified for legal reasons—are pictured wearing just vests and boxer shorts as they tackle each other in ways fans never expected.

NOTW: “Gay As You Go”

From the sounds of the story, it seems that top clubs could well be involved with a ‘multi million pound goalscoring midfielder’ named as one of the players involved, and a ‘household name with a reputation as a bad boy on and off the pitch’ as the other.

We certainly wouldn’t hazard a guess at who it could be, for fear of libel law suits. But we did feel this would be a good time to remind everyone about how easy it is to use our comments section.

Boggs: Judas Murphy the key to it all

Boggs forgives Danny Murphy for his sins and bigs him up to epic proportions. Cue 2-0 loss to Sunderland tomorrow…

Tottenham went into the January transfer window needing a few things - a left winger, a backup left back, and another target man. Yet our key signing ended up a very anticlimatic Danny Murphy for a couple million quid. The cnut snubbed us to go to ‘bigger club’ Charlton 18 months ago, but I suppose he’s partially forgiven since he was right about how sh*t of a coach Santini was.

But I digress…

I was among those a little disappointed for other reasons, it had nothing to do with the balding player’s ability but more that we had failed to strengthen the areas we needed to in order to continue our push for 4th place, a chance at the Champions league and - more importantly - starting a series of events of unfathomable joy to any Tottenham supporter:

1) Qualify for Champions League
2) Deny Arsenal a spot in the Champions League
3) Deny Arsenal a spot in the Champions League the year they move to Cashburden Grove, keeping dreams alive of a Leeds-level meltdown
4) Deny Arsenal a spot in the Champions League, quite possibly sealing the departure of Thierry Henry to Barcelona
5) Soil underpants in delight

So it was frustrating to say the least to think that any opportunity to ensure such events had been lost, but after some introspection I’ve decided that the man with the tasty wife will be our best chance at achieving our dreams this year.

With Mido in the side, the team has a tendency to play the long ball more often than a few Spurs fans would like. Without him, the whole “Can Keane and Defoe play together?” debate starts, and we’ve only really seen it work once his season against - ironically - Charlton last week. One problem is that three out of the four midfielders tend to be defensive minded or drop deep naturally (Davids, Carrick, Jenas). The result is that Teemu Tainio is often the lone outlet between midfield and the strikers and while he is a good, industrious player - he is not the kind who will unlock defences with a killer pass on a regular basis.

As a result even when winning we can look rather disjointed in attack or resort to the long ball up to the feisty one.

Enter Danny Murphy, who has been on the fringe of the England team for approximately 18 years. When on form for both Liverpool and Charlton he has looked amongst the best creative midfielders in the Premiership and the start of the season saw him almost single handedly steer Alan Curbishley’s side to second place with assists and goals galore. It’s no surprised that when Curbs decided to reorganize his side without Murphy, early-season topscorer Darren Bent’s goals dried up in kind.

Read more

Djemba-Djemba is fecking awful

Awful player is now also an awful professional. Brought in as one of 900 players signed by Manchester United a few seasons ago in the hope that one would replace Roy Keane, he achieved absolutely nothing before being brought to Aston Villa by David “I’ll show you why Leeds went down” O’Leary. He amazingly managed to match his United achievements of absolutely nothing and has now apparently gone AWOL after Cameroon’s exit from the African Nations Cup.

At least Winston Bogarde showed up for training…

O’Leary said today: ‘We were expecting him back last Tuesday but he has not returned.

‘We have not been able to get in touch with anyone in the meantime to discover where he is at the present time.

‘I cannot speculate on why or what because we have simply not been able to make contact.

‘He has a fair chance of his wage packet being lighter at the end of the month!

‘Ultimately he could be in breach of his contract but that is something for the club to handle if and when it is necessary.

‘We could soon be putting out posters to find out where he is!’

It is estimated that Djemba-Djemba has made approximately 54,315 times your annual wage during his spell in the Premiership.

World’s Greatest Entertainer Revealed

This video may be a couple of weeks old now, but it took us this long to sew our sides back together and post something thoughtful.

Click here to be highly entertained

Surely David Beckham will be worried that his claim as the only football player with a trademark kicking technique will now be under threat. The only thing stopping Van Persie from getting his own logo and clothing line is the fact that we’ve been doing the same trick on Sunday afternoons for years.

Honest Dutchman To The Rescue

The Dutch are famed for their open honesty, although in football this tends to cause more problems than solutions.

The latest example comes from Dennis Bergkamp, no stranger to outspokeness - especially when it comes to his own ability (we’ve lost count the number of times he’s included himself whenever asked for his fantasy eleven). The flying dutchman has come out and said what everyone has been thinking - Arsenal just are not the same team without Patrick Vieira. Of course, stating that if you lose a team captain and world class player that there will be times of regret is not particularly insightful - but most Gunner fans would not have predicted quite such a decline.

In a sport where excuses are rampant and fans refuse to face facts until the death, it’s always interesting to see one of the players come out and so eloquently express what is on everyone’s mind.

‘Arsene is intelligent enough to know what that did to the team. People saw how influential Patrick was on the pitch, dominating midfield by himself,’ Bergkamp told ‘The Game’ in The Times.

‘But people also forget how he was off the pitch, how impressive he was in the dressing room, and how important he was for every other player, young and old. I think a lot of people underestimated that.’

Never have truer words been spoken. Most fans, Arsenal or otherwise (i.e. Tottenham), comprehended the kind of impact that losing Patrick Vieira would have simply from the perspective of losing a player. But when you think about the fact that over the past few years Arsenal have swung their transfer policy to focusing on youth, almost to a fault, then the need for strong leadership to guide the new generation into the squad was even more important. Wenger knew that much of the core of the side, Pires, Ljungberg, Campbell, and even Vieira had possibly peaked and that it would take a few seasons to groom young players to replace them - so selling the inspirational team captain hardly made sense. This has been exposed to the highest degree this season as the lack of experience is evident throughout the London club’s squad while the aforementioned core of the team has deteriorated rapidly, in some cases REALLY rapidly.

Read more

God vouches for Ronaldinho

Even God seems to have a soft spot for the Ugly Pele. How else can we explain the fact that one of His representatives on Earth (God’s not Ronnie’s), the Archibishop of Barcelona has stood up for him after his dismissal in the King’s Cup loss to Real Zaragoza.

According to Archbishop Lluis Martinez-Sistach, “The sending off of Ronaldinho was far too rigorous and it was one of the things that influenced Barca’s elimination from the Cup.” And remember, this man speaks for God. We think at the very least, God is calling for a replay here?

Next Page »