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Will Dowie Relegate Charlton?

Shambolic press conference aside, one wonders if there is optimism at Charlton over the appointment of Iain Dowie. He managed to get Crystal Palace to play some entertaining football during their stint in the Premiership, but despite Andy Johnson’s 21 goals they still found themselves relegated.

It’s also difficult to find any neutral who wouldn’t say that Curbishley got Charlton to overachieve based on the size of the transfer budget and quality of players available to him. Darren Bent aside, the side really doesn’t have much more talent on show than Dowie’s Palace side two years ago (who at least had Routledge, AJ, Tom Soares and Ben Watson). So it could be argued that the new boss is now being asked to not only keep the side up, but also surpass the achievements of a predecessor who was already overachieving.

But maybe Dowie will surprise us all and do more than just compete with Martin Jol and Wayne Rooney to see who most resembles Shrek, but it seems like it could be the end for a club that occasionally…wasn’t bad…or something.

Carragher instead of Carrick? Oh dear.

Seems like Sven is not done bamboozling the masses. As he promises to play his strongest XI, and likely World Cup starting XI, against Hungary in England’s final friendly before the finals it is now rumored that he intends to play Jamie Carragher in the midfield holding role rather than Michael Carrick.

In a Keegan-esque move (Southgate in midfield?), Eriksson has opted to put a defender in a unfamiliar, but key role and who has actually said himself that he is not good enough to play for England. Brilliant.

Michael Carrick may not have been that impressive against Belarus, but he has been in fine form for Tottenham for the entire season. To not put the trust in a form player playing in a key position seems bizarre to say the least, especially one who has played well for England in previous internationals - earning rave reviews during last summer’s US tour.

The argument for Carragher is that Sven may want more of a destroyer holding player (ala Makelele) rather than a finesse (ala Pirlo of Milan). But if that is the case, why not call up Scott Parker who has played that exact role to extreme effect for Newcastle all season? (Ed: Yes we know he has glandular fever, author has been drawn and quartered)

Yes, the Liverpool defender has been in superb form for the club over the past two seasons, but he has been shielded by two defensive midfielders in every match - a tactic that made even Stephane Henchoz look like a world beater during Houllier’s reign.

It’s hard to imagine that Carragher would suddenly be comfortable in a defensive midfield role, with no supporting defenders either side of him and attack-minded midfielders in front. A position where it is more important to maintain defensive discipline and block passing lanes, than it is to simply clear the ball whenever it comes to you.

But hey, it’s not like Sven is some crazy batsh*t insane manager that we should have every reason to doubt, right?

Who should have gotten AJ?

They call him the Beckham of the south…well…actually that doesn’t seem right at all. But anyway, Andrew Johnson looks set to join Everton for a mere 8.5m pounds after a three way transfer battle with Bolton and Wigan. After netting 21 goals two seasons ago as Palace were relegated, he then bagged another 15 this year as they failed to go straight back up.

If he manages to avoid being the next Michael Ricketts/Kevin Philips/David Beckham, his pace, constant running and sharp finishing should prove to be great foil for James Beattie (or as a lone striker, should Beatts prove too fat to play again) as Everton look to build on the form from the tail end of last season. If Arteta and Cahill can continue to develop, the Blues could be looking at another run at the top six.

However, the most interesting part of any transfer is rarely the opinions of the team that got him - but rather those who didn’t. So, who the heck wanted AJ? Wigan and Bolton obviously as Jewell continues to search for someone to take JJB-earned cash, and Allardyce tries to put the hilarious embarassment of not being named England manager behind him.

But who else could’ve used the Beckham of the south? Could Tottenham have snapped him up and shipped out Defoe? Would he have worked wonders up front for Liverpool, partnering Peter Crouch in some kind of least-exciting front line ever? Maybe Manchester United were in with a shout to replace Van Nistlerooy and signal once and for all that Fergie has lost his mind?

Lennon vs Walcott: Who’s the dog’s?

As Sven blooded the two youngest members of his World Cup squad against Belarus, there was little doubt that it was Aaron Lennon’s Man of the Match performance that made people sit up and take notice. However, Walcott did show flashes the pace and flair that most fans were seeing for the first time, Sven included and at least did not look out of his depth against…erm…Belarus.

Lennon obviously has had a season of fine form to build from while all Walcott has enjoyed is enormous pressure, but it would have been nothing compared to what Theo will face when he comes on at the World Cup - with a Rooneyless nation expecting miracles from their new teen superstar.

So how should Sven manage his two wild cards? Has Lennon done enough to start? Will Walcott even play? If England are chasing a match with 20 minutes to go, who would you bring on - Wenger’s prodigy or Jol’s main man?

Alex Ferguson is a nutter, Rooney next?

No question about it, Alex Ferguson is a nutter. Yes, he is possibly the greatest manager ever blah blah blah but it cannot be denied that he is absolutey bonkers.

Paul Ince, Jaap Stam, David Beckham, Roy Keane, Ruud Van Nistlerooy. What do they all have in common? World class players booted out of Old Trafford for getting on Fergie’s tits - most of whom were in their prime. Of course, it’s difficult to argue with the strategy of selling your best players when you look at the success it has brought to Manchester United - but one has to wonder whether it’s bound to backfire at some point.

In fact, perhaps it already has? Paul Ince’s departure didn’t have that much of an impact, but considering where United’s problems have been over the past few years - centre back (Stam), right midfield (Beckham), central midfield (Keane) you begin to see that replacing world class players with Wes Brown, Darren Fletcher and John O’Shea is going to sting a bit. Couple that with the fact that United has been firmly replaced by Chelsea as the club that gets their pick of the litter, and perhaps Sir Alex would do well to be a tad more diplomatic when dealing with his top players.

The counter argument, is partially that getting rid of these players gave the players competing with them a boost in confidence, and Saha and Giuseppe Rossi are probably feeling pretty good right now, but when the replacements are crap (again, Brown, Fletcher, O’Shea) then you see the kind of drop in form that…well…United are experiencing right now.

More importantly, what is the future of one Wayne Rooney? It’s public knowledge that Ferguson prefers his players to be media hermits, ala Giggs and Scholes, but Wayne has already shown he has plenty to offer the tabloids. Stories of sleeping with aging prostitutes, a severe gambling problem, and - in Beckhamesque style - a strangely unattractive wife who seeks out media attention like Rooney seeks out aging prostitutes.

As quite clearly the single hope of a United revivial, it’ll be interesting to see how Fergie decides to handle this one.

Shock! A journalist doesn’t love Henry!

Football365’s John Nicholson can always be relied on for a good read, so it probably wasn’t the biggest surprise that he turned out to be the only journalist who wasn’t swinging from Thierry Henry’s bollocks. Nicholson maintains a similar view of the whole situation as most neutral fans - that it is absurd that everyone is suggesting we should feel fortunate and grateful toward the Arsenal striker for choosing to bless us with his presence.

The pick of his quotes from last week was: “My team showed me I didn’t have to leave. They showed me they had heart. Everything was up in the air for a very long time. But at the end of the day, the team raised their game,”

It wouldn’t be surprising in the least if the other Arsenal players are feeling a bit f*cked off at the notion that they finally proved to the Him that they are worthy of sharing the same pitch.

Wise and Poyet to teach the young ‘uns

Apparently Dennis Wise has been appointed manager of Swindon, where he will be aided by former Chelsea teammate Gus Poyet as his assistant.

Given that both are absolute nutters, it should ensure that they can take turns being on the sideline while the other is banned for attacking the referee the previous weekend. Wise admittedly has done quite well in his early managerial career, guiding Millwall to the FA cup final in 2004, but one has to imagine it’s only a matter of time before the red mist descends.

Not the most exciting news, but it was really just an excuse to post a picture of Wise crushing Ian Wright’s bollocks.

101 Uses for Emmanuel Eboue

We’re getting a bit Arsenal heavy these days, but with the Goons providing so much on and off pitch action it’s difficult not to get swept up in it.

Manchester United message board RedCafe have a lovely thread going entitled ‘101 uses for Emmanuel Eboue’, paying tribute to the diving, commando rolling Arsenal fullback’s performance in the Champions League final.

They’ve hit the magic number now, but it still makes a mighty fine read.

101 uses for Emmanuel Eboue

Henry The Exception

Thierry Henry is often singled out for his talent, a guaranteed legend in the making and possibly the Premiership’s all time greatest player (apologies to Shearer).

But after announcing his decision to stay at Arsenal, when virtually everyone assumed he was off to Barcelona, he has proved he is an exceptional character as well. Moaning aside, Thierry is not a cheat and despite the occasional display of - admitted deserved - arrogance he is as perfect a gentleman as footballers come. While most had figured Arsenal’s loss in the Champions League final signalled the end of an era, it had the opposite effect. He is clearly haunted by a sense of a job unfinished and, with his side’s battling display, a renewed confidence in his teamates to match his ambition.

As Britain’s most annoying and crap pundit says, it’s difficult for any fan to say that the Premiership is not a far better place when graced by a player like Thierry Henry.

Jose Antonio Reyes, on the other hand…

Boggs: A Celebration of Arsenal in the Champions League

Boggs doesn’t know when to stop:

Despite a hardfought loss, some have taken the time to compile this tribute to Arsenal’s historic match.

Arsenal’s Heroes

Credit goes to Shadow from GGNet.

Boggs: Arsenal bring lack of grace to Euro stage

Boggs takes a minute from celebrating a brilliant champions league victory to make a point about the post-match moanfest:

Despite my obvious dislike for Arsenal, I can at least applaud their march to the Champions League final (even though they did somehow meet an off-form Real Madrid, off-form Juventus, and off-form Barca in a row - a fact most Gooners I know admit).

Everyone keeps chirping on about how Arsenal are representing English football and so we should all get behind them, but as far as I can tell all they have shown Europe, as English football’s ambassador’s, is the whinging and blinkered viewpoints that those who follow the Premiership have grown to know and love.

The moaning coming from Henry and Wenger was pathetic, accusations of a biased ref and complaints that Barcelona’s goal was offside despite the fact that Eboue’s dive was so blatant that it was recognized and applauded by one channel’s match commenatator. Henry rambled on about how Ronaldinho, Eto’o and Larsson were invisible yet 2 of those players were directly responsible for the victory.

But of course, no mention of this from Wenger…not even an “I didn’t see the incident.” I know plenty of Arsenal fans who wish Wenger would stop expressing views that have blatant counter evidence, it only embarasses himself and the club. The goons had a real chance to improve their image both in the Premiership and worldwide, had they accepted their loss with dignity and instead focused on how well they had done to be 1-0 with 10 men until 80 minutes (when Almunia remembered he’s supposed to be crap).

But no, it had to be someone else’s fault. It couldn’t have been that Wenger was outfoxed by Rijkaard, whose substitutions set up or scored both goals, while Henry screamed at Arsene to get him some support in attack. Nor was it Henry’s fault for missing two golden opportunities to score that would have put the game out of reach.

Nope, had to be the match officials or those dirty cheating Barca players.

Ambassadors for English football? I can only hope not.

Sven: Genius or Madman?

Oh Sven…

In naming his 23 man provisional squad today, the usually safety-first-to-a-flaw swede decided that he may as well go out with a bang for the last, and most important, England squad he ever picks.

Eriksson happily took Wenger’s bait and included 17 year old Theo Walcott despite the fact that he has yet to play in the Premiership and hasn’t played first team football since January. In-form wingers also make a surprise appearance as Middlesbrough’s Stuart Downing and Tottenham’s Aaron Lennon have also been included at the expense of Shaun Wright-Philips (haha!) and…err..Paul Konchesky??

Spurs captain Ledley King is also on standby, having featured frequently and played well for England recently but is sidelined with a metatarsal injury which means that Eriksson’s - and no one else’s - favourite player Owen Hargreaves appears from nowhere yet again.

But the strikers are really the interesting story here, Eriksson and Joe Cole himself reckon the Chelsea winger can play as a second striker which leaves the team with Rooney, Owen, Crouch, Walcott, Joe Cole.

In the incredibly likely scenario of Rooney and Owen missing a match at the same time due to random foot injuries, it means that we could well be left with Crouch up on his own or Crouch + untried teenager. Crouch would probably work best as it allows England to play a holding midfielder (Carrick) and give both Lampard and Gerrard freedom to get up the pitch and score goals. The real shock is not really Sven’s selection but the fact that he has never shown such flexibility until now.

To be honest, if Walcott is as talented as he’s made out to be it may not be that big of a gamble on Eriksson’s part - but to rely so heavily on two strikers with such massive questions marks over their fitness certainly is.

It looks more and more that the performance of Peter Crouch will shape England’s World Cup campaign….Yippee!!

Ed: Sven has also just admitted he has never seen Walcott play live.

The Players You Hate

As the season is coming to a close, many fans and football websites will be turning to try and evaluate the year gone by. Premiership Team of the Year, Worst Transfer, Underrated Team Of The Year. It goes on and on.

But these topics just fail to capture our imagination, their problems ranging from stating the obvious (is it really big news that Chelsea wasted money on a few players?) to the erroneous (If Makelele gets called underrated one more time, he will officially be overrated).

What we’re more interested in is which players this season have left you seething with rage and frustration - the ones who you really just can not stand. No need to limit yourself to tossers at other clubs - we’re sure there will be players in your own teams who deserve to be taken outside the ground and beaten by local school children. In fact, nominate entire bloody teams if you want (*cough*Bolton*cough*).

The more irrational the hatred the better, so let the bastards have it - who are the players you’ve grown to hate this season?