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Delicious, Delicious Hypocrisy

Good ol’ Harry Redknapp understandably came out and blasted Tottenham’s Mido after the striker claimed that former Arsenal centre back and current Portsmouth vacationer Sol Campbell was the easiest opponent he’s faced. Probably more an attempt to endear himself to Spurs supporters than anything else, but ballsy nonetheless.

Redknapp, not one to stay out of a public slagging match, retaliated with honour and dignity…

“What an arrogant thing to say,” Redknapp told The Sun.

“It shows a total lack of respect and those comments will embarrass every footballer in the game as we don’t talk like that about fellow pros.”

Don’t talk like that about fellow pros indeed. Let’s turn the clock back a year or so to Harry Redknapp’s remarks about his playing squad upon joining Portsmouth for the second time,

“Look what I have to work with,”

“Some of the guys don’t even speak English, it’s ridiculous!”

Tremendous! Why stop at insulting one player when you can disrespect a whole bunch as well as the manager before you? Mido should be ashamed.

But as ‘Arry adds to his long list of questionable truths and acts of shame with another zinger - we hope Pompey stay around the top of the table for a while this season, the extra media attention can only mean more floppy-faced entertainment for all.

Dangerous Psychopath Back On The Streets

Despite a well documented history of violence and assault, with photographic and video evidence aplenty, the Greater Manchester Police have decided not to pursue criminal charges against Ben “The Axe Murderer” Thatcher.

In a statement the coppers revealed that, for some reason, Pedro Mendes’ desire to let the affair be handled by the FA factored into their decision,

“Officers from GMP have spoken to the relevant parties involved in an incident during the Manchester City versus Portsmouth match on August 23,” read the statement.

“In consultation with the injured player, the clubs and The Football Association, GMP have been informed the player would like to pursue a complaint and have asked for it to be dealt with by The FA, not the police.

“In light of this, GMP will not be investigating the incident further and consider the matter to be closed.”

Now we understand that generally someone has to press charges in order for someone else to be prosecuted, but if some bloke was running around stabbing people with in the face with AIDS-infused pencils surely the police would do something about it without being asked?

Regardless, we look forward to Ben’s return to football - not the least the next gruesome act of the “Manchester City Strangler”.

We Want Beckham

New COS writer Digsy ponders the merits of a rather surprisingly popular opinion.

The chances of Steve McLaren throwing David Beckham an England lifeline look slimmer than Crouch’s thighs, but the 71% who recently voted in favour of a Becks recall might be onto something.

Goldenballs is paying the price for Sven’s mistakes. The Swede was wrong to take Theo Walcott to Germany, wrong to strand Wayne Rooney alone up front, and wrong to let Gerrard and Lampard trip over each other in central midfield. He was also wrong to elevate Beckham to God-like status.

But that doesn’t mean the Madrid man should be dumped altogether. He was a victim of Sven’s ineptitude, but has plenty to offer the new boss. By handing in the Three Lions armband, Beckham effectively signified an end to the era of Celebrity England, and a willingness to return to being one of the lads.

Becks is being punished for his high profile, and for being too chummy with Sven. It’s even possible that Steve McLaren’s PR consigliere Max Clifford ordered the Beckham sacrifice, to distance Second Choice Steve from his former boss.

Taken on merit, Becks deserves a spot in the squad. Is Jermaine Jenas really a better midfielder than David Beckham? Is Stewart Downing? Kieran Richardson? You know they aren’t. And his age shouldn’t really be an issue. He’s (just about) young enough to feature at Euro 2008 (younger than Gary Neville, and he’ll likely be there). England squads should be selected on merit, not as homages to Logan’s Run, and definitely not as PR exercises.

Has Ronaldo Stolen Rooney’s Mojo?

More CaughtOffside european coverage as Magnus takes heart from a much needed win, but still sees a Manchester United side struggling to put it all together.

One the face of it, things are looking rosy for Manchester United in the Champions League. Top of their group and full points after two tricky ties against decent European opposition. After defeating Celtic by 3-2 at home a couple of weeks ago, United travelled to Benfica and got “a bloody different result this time”, as Sir Alex Ferguson predicted before the match. He was, of course, referring to last year’s 2-1 defeat at Benfica’s Stadium of Light, which put us out of the competition in the group stage for the first time in a decade.

United desperately needed to put that catastrophy behind them, and they did just that. On Tuesday night, we emerged with a hard-fought 1-0 victory over a spirited Benfica side, and restored some pride in Europe. Teams definitely won’t fancy facing us in the later stages of the competition.

Underneath the surface, however, cracks are starting to appear after a wonderful start to the season. Firstly, it’s becoming clear that United have no fit wingers in the squad except Cristiano Ronaldo. After Ryan Giggs got injured, we’ve played Kieran Richardson, Darren Fletcher, Wayne Rooney and even Paul Scholes on the side of the midfield, without any of them being too successful. Neither Kieran nor Darren are good enough for a place in the starting 11, Wayne Rooney’s simply too good to be wasted in that position, and Paul Scholes has always hated playing there. With Park also out with injury, United’s lack of decent cover has been exposed.

Secondly, Michael Carrick does not seem to suit our system of play. He simply looks lost next to Scholes, Ronaldo, Rooney, et al. Maybe it’s because he hasn’t had the time to adapt to the speed of our play, maybe he misses being the fulcrum of the team’s attacking exploits like he was at Tottenham, or maybe he just isn’t good enough. Either way, it’s turning out to be a major problem as Fergie seems hellbent of playing him alongside another attacking midfielder – the aforementioned Scholes – instead of having one of them play alongside the more defensive-minded John O’Shea.

Which brings us to our next problem – that we have no natural holding midfielder in our squad, at least not one of sufficient class. Sure, both O’Shea and Alan Smith, when he returns, can do a job in the position, but let’s face it, neither one is the next Keano. Why we didn’t go for Mascherano during the summer, I still don’t know. He would have helped balance our team, making sure our defensive line wasn’t left as exposed as it was during the past three or four games. Unless this problem is addressed during the January transfer window, I fear we’ll be facing another trophyless season come May.

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Do Or Die For The UEFA Cup

Bonsy continues COS’s UEFA cup coverage with a preview of today’s matches.

Two years ago to the day, Denis Wise took his Millwall team to a hostile Budapest for their Uefa Cup 2nd leg tie with Ferencavros. The Londoners lost out 3-1, were eliminated, and have been in steady decline ever since, inevitably, Wise parted with the Lions at that end of that season.

Tonight, West Ham will seek to ensure that they won’t be following in their East London rival’s footsteps. A challenge awaits them under the shadow of Mount Etna as they seek to overturn a 1-0 against Palermo. Seasons are not all over by September but managers’ careers have been known to be.

Alan Pardew will be reminded of that, if West Ham crash out in Sicily. Pre season optimism, after the previous term’s promise, was given a shot in the arm when Javeier Mascherano and Carlos Tevez arrived at Upton Park, on transfer deadline day. Pardew immediately suggested that the two signings would take West Ham to a new level, at present the Argentineans have yet to see victory. Aware of his own fate, the Hammers’ Boss has now admitted that talk of the two arrivals had been one of the factors for his team’s poor start.

Preparing for his biggest game of the season, Pardew has to cope with the distraction of more gossip, this time potential takeover of the club. Intent on dealing with the unsettling effects of the speculation, the Hammers’ Boss will want to impress any new owners.

The names of forty European teams will be placed into the draw for the group stages of the Uefa Cup next Tuesday. English teams can aim to bag a tenth of those places, with Newcastle, Blackburn and Tottenham all odds on to qualify.

Spurs should take advantage of their 1-0 away win in Prague and on paper, should be more than capable of disposing with the Czech capital’s second biggest side. But they start the match having not hit the back of the net in their last four domestic matches and like Pardew, Martin Jol will be aware of the consequences of failure.

Glenn Roeder will be more comfortable, as his Newcastle side shouldn’t be troubled by Levadia Tallinn. Sitting on an away win, expect the Geordies to enjoy a goalfest at home against the Estonians. Roeder’s own disruption has been dealing with the parting company of Assistant Manager Kevin Bond, this week. But a place in the Group stages with a favourable Uefa coefficient ranking will relieve the pressure.

Blackburn Rovers take on Salzburg with two away goals to their name and two back-to-back wins since the meeting the Austrians in the first leg. Mark Hughes was searching for a tonic after the winless start to the Premiership but an impressive first leg performance has ignited his side’s season.

That’s an achievement that never materialised for his old teammate Dennis Wise.

Greatest Premiership Manager: Ferguson Or Wenger?

Picking between Sir Alex Ferguson and Arsene Wenger as the greatest manager of the Premiership era is like choosing between children. Two, really old, really different children…ok …so it’s not really like that at all.

Anyway, as Wenger enters his 10th year of a glorious reign at Arsenal and Sir Alex nonchalantly adds another to his 400 years at Manchester United, it seemed an appropriate time to compare the merits of the Premiership’s most dominant and heralded bosses.

We figured we would never be able to do the debate justice with a simple editorial piece and therefore wanted to open the floor to you; the far better informed readers. If you need a refresher or background information on either manager’s career, you can find Sir Alex’s history here, and Wenger’s here.

There are two ways to state your case:

- Send an article to editor@caughtoffside.com stating your case for either manager and we’ll be posting the best arguments for both in a few days.
- Simply respond in the comments to get instant gratification by having some United supporter or Gooner call you a c*nt without having to wait.

Shevchenko Regrets, Bollywood Dreams

COS diarist SuesieG spins another web of news stories starring everyone’s favourite Premiership champions.

The second chapter of my continuing dirty affair with Chelsea,

This is my first year playing fantasy football manager, and to tell you the truth, I’m a unclear on a few things. I don’t get why this game is called “fantasy football.” First, it’s not “fantasy” when you can’t buy all of the big name players you want. Second, it’s not “fantasy” when you’re only given a limited amount of funds to work with in the first place! How the hell am I’m going to win in this “fantasy” league if I don’t have a ton of expensive world class players in my starting line up, my bank account is already in the red, and I have no wealthy oligarchs lining up to back me?

Anyways, my player selections were all going well right up until the time I had to pick a striker. The one player who I HAD to have, who I am unwilling to part with ever, and who cost me my entire fantasy fortune was Andriy Shevchenko. I was first smitten with Sheva when he graced Armani’s catwalk, and then again during that Champions League final against Liverpool. Arguably, that penalty kick against Jerzy Dudek of all people was not Sheva’s best, and could easily place him down the penalty-taking pecking order at Stamford Bridge, but who cares? If Steven Gerrard rates him, then so do I and, that’s good enough for me!

My friend Roy said “be sensible with your money Suesie – get Andrew Johnson instead.” Bah! What does he know about world class strikers anyway? “No,” I said snottily, “I’m taking Shevchenko – he’s class, he’s going to score zillions of goals, create super chances, and rack me up a whole lot of points.”

As of today, I have zero money in my “fantasy” bank account (strange, that’s just like my “real” bank account); I’m sitting 7th in a group of 12; Sheva is getting me an average of 2 points a game; and Andrew Johnson is the Premiership’s leading goal- scorer. And if that isn’t enough, I saw something today that made me cringe – today’s BBC “Do You Know” fact is: when master marksman Andriy Shevchenko scores, Chelsea lose.

JHOOM BARABAR JHOOM

Contrary to yesterday’s stories about the Chelsea-Bollywood connection, I’m disappointed to learn that there will be no colourful elephant dance scenes with Didier Drogba or any Cheryl Tweedy spin-off music videos coming to theatres anytime soon. The news out of Stamford Bridge today is that no actual Chelsea player (Ashley Cole notwithstanding) will be featured in the Bollywood movie, Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. Instead, we will be treated to a movie about a boy named Rikki, who wears a Chelsea shirt and claims to be a “loyal” Chelsea supporter. A documentary, then?

Hmmm…well, now that we know the movie is about something completely ridiculous, I think I’ll wait for Spike Lee’s film about Thierry Henry and Arsenal instead.

Still Just A Relatively Small Club In Europe

CaughtOffside’s reader-submitted UEFA cup coverage keeps on trucking as Richard continues his careful watch over Blackburn’s UEFA cup run.

What a difference a fortnight makes in the world of football – and I’m not talking about the Panorama investigation.

Two weeks have passed since the last round of European matches, and we have seen somewhat of a contrast in the results of the English clubs competing in this year’s UEFA Cup. Blackburn’s impressive 2-2 result at the Wals Siezenheim Stadium in Austria was followed by a commanding victory in Middlesbrough at the weekend. Sandwiched in between was a morale boosting 4-2 success over the faltering Man City. Since that clammy Salzburg evening, Rovers have only continued to improve, looking more assured in each passing fixture.

The three other English UEFA Cup entrants, on the other hand, have fared somewhat differently since their European adventures began. West Ham continue to strive for their first victory since the Argentinean arrivals on Transfer Deadline Day. In fact a solitary Bobby Zamora effort against Aston Villa is all they have produced by the way of goals in their last 360 minutes of football. It is interesting to note that between them, the Hammers, Tottenham and Newcastle, have only scored one goal since the first round of UEFA Cup fixtures nearly two weeks ago – Shola Ameobi netting for the Magpies. Liverpool have helped to account for the poor recent form of the 2 ‘biggest clubs in England’ and handed out free football lessons to both Newcastle and Spurs within 4 days of each other.

What do these results say about the much maligned little brother of the Champions League? Has it acted as a distraction for the clubs involved? Well, the results of Blackburn would seem to suggest that it has helped more than hindered. They seem to be rediscovering their form of last season which led to a 6th placed finish. The confidence gained from their two away goals in Austria was probably as big a surprise to many of the players as to the spectators. As a Blackburn fan though, I must remember that neither Middlesbrough nor Man City are very good. In fact to say so is almost a compliment this season.

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Former Portsmouth striker has leg amputated, remains in critical condition

Despite all the passionate hostility that the writers and readers display on CaughtOffside, there are things that sadden all of us, no matter what team we support. In case you missed it (and it wouldn’t be hard given the shoddy coverage on some of the top footie news sites), Uruguayan striker Dario Silva is in critical condition in hospital following a car crash in the early hours of Sunday morning. Silva, who had a brief spell at Portsmouth last season, had his leg amputated due to extensive injuries and is still fighting for his life. Our thoughts and prayers are with Silva, his family and friends at this time.

He’s Gone And Done It Again

Boggs emerges from the depths of despair to fling a few handfuls of his own feces at everyone’s favourite football pundit.

I’ve been slacking, I admit. My promise to myself to react to every piece of “opinion” spewing from a certain ex-footballers mouth fell down at the third hurdle. Luckily, and predictably, I didn’t miss much.

After reading through such quality articles as “It’s A Proud Time To Be A Scot” and “I Can’t Wait For This Sunday“, I’ve come to realise that the contents of Andy “Britain’s Best Football Pundit” Gray’s column really reads more like that of his nighttime diary entries.

Gray’s latest collection of personal thoughts, “Men In Suits Should Hold Fire For Now” could easily apply to his own precarious situation as a man who should really be driving a van masking as a football expert.

Regardless, Andy’s basic point this time is that managers shouldn’t be sacked after five or six matches. Thanks for that.

Throwing out Manchester City’s Stuart Pearce, Newcastle’s Glen Roeder and West Ham’s Alan Pardew as the bosses under threat, Grey’s point that firing a manager a few matches into a season might not be a good idea is certainly right up there with other Grayism’s as “Chelsea are good” and “Liverpool are underachieving”.

And that’s it. I wish I had more opinion on the matter, but neither did Andy.

Wenger Fears Tottenham Reject

In one of those famous Wenger moments when you aren’t quite sure if he’s being ironic…or sarcastic…or one of those types of words, the Arsenal boss has come out and identified much maligned ex-Tottenham striker Helder Postiga as the danger man for upcoming Champions League opponents Porto,

“We do fear him,” said Wenger. “I rate him very highly.

“I was surprised he didn’t make it at Spurs.

“He is a player we must overcome if we want to progress in a competition where I feel we are now one of the feared clubs.”

There were high hopes for the striker Spurs signed him, but he never quite made it in the Premiership with just one league goal in his only season for the club. He also scored the equaliser and a penalty as Portugal knocked England out of Euro 2004 the following summer, which shortened supporters’ patience with him further.

What Did We Learn This Weekend?

Most people saw the matches they cared about, and it’s a rather lengthy process trudging through the match reports of every club that matters little to you - especially if you’re still carrying the stench of defeat.So instead, after every round of matches here’s your chance to tell everyone the five things you learned from the weekend’s Premiership action.

It could be that Tottenham and West Ham should have come up more often in a certain pre-season discussion, that the Everton may be the first Premiership club to successfully execute a “5 year plan”, that Cristiano Ronaldo appears to be wearing makeup, that Dirk Kuyt isn’t quite as bad as some people thought, or that Martin O’Neill is worthy of his reputation as World’s Greatest Living Manager.

The possibilities are endless…sort of.

Here’s a list of the weekend’s Premiership results as a refresher:

Arsenal 3-0 Sheff Utd
Aston Villa 2-0 Charlton
Fulham 0-2 Chelsea
Liverpool 3-0 Tottenham
Man City 2-0 West Ham
Middlesbrough 0-1 Blackburn
Reading 1-1 Man Utd
Wigan 1-1 Watford
Newcastle 1-1 Everton

Alonso Goal Was Actually Third From Own Half

Following Xabi Alonso’s recent feat of scoring from his own half against Newcastle for what we thought was the second such goal for him this year, his first coming in the closing seconds against Luton - news has now come in that the Liverpool’s insult to Steve Harper was actually the third time he’s scored from his own half.

He’s probably just shy and didn’t want to correct the misinformed Premiership journalists and supporters who haven’t given the young lad credit where credit is due.

Best Match Atmosphere In The Premiership?

After Thierry Henry’s Liverpool love-in yesterday, it got us thinking that there are probably a fair few who might actually disagree with the Arsenal striker that Anfield posseses quite such a magical atmosphere these days.

Every set of self-respecting supporters would never admit that they fail to generate more than a peep even when 4-0 up in a derby match, and that Newcastle, Portsmouth and of course Liverpool certainly have the media hype surrounding their famed support. On the other end of the reputation spectrum is Manchester United’s prawn sandwich brigade and the Library that used to house Arsenal. While there is some truth to all of these stereotypes, atmosphere is often down to preference.

So we’re interested to know which stadiums or supporters you think generate the best match atmosphere in the Premiership, and why? And of course, feel free to state the case for your own club.

Henry Wants To Play For Liverpool

Thierry Henry is a classy bloke and has always come across as speaking his mind without trying to play games or deceive anyone. And his latest interview has proven you don’t need to write an awful, awful book in order to reveal something about yourself,

““A kid asked me on Wednesday if I would have liked to play for another team. Straight away I said Liverpool.”

“First of all, I would have loved to play with Steven Gerrard and second I like the club and their fans. There’s something about Anfield that you can’t explain.”

“I love it when you step out of the dressing-room and you see the Kop, the scarves, and [hear people] singing You’ll Never Walk Alone. Just that, that would do it for me.

“Obviously it can never happen because I love Arsenal too much. There can never be a possibility of playing anywhere else in England.”

Certainly the Frenchman’s words are more praise for Liverpool than any sleight towards his London employers - although it can’t be nice to hear your captain admit such affection for another club’s history, stadium and supporters.

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