• Home
• About
• Write for COS
• Advertise
• Fun Stuff

• Premier League
• Championship
• Scottish Premier League
• General Football
• Transfer Rumours

Subscribe

Gerrard Replacement Found

This is brilliant. Here’s an extract from the email some ex-posh school berk called Mike Rolt sent after his Sunday league manager suggested he move from center midfield to wide right.:

“I’ve thought about this quite hard and I just think that it’s a waste of our fittest player.”

“I know I’m quick and it would be useful out wide but unless George Mac or Tim were playing in midfield, I wouldn’t be very involved. Also pace is very effective in the centre as well - for intercepting passes/covering tackles/catching them on the break etc. I am also one of the better tacklers and headers of the ball and am also probably the most vocal.”

“Sticking me out on the wing would lose us these attributes. I wouldn’t have much running to do and, although I’ll beat my man three or four times, the play will get over congested down the left or in the middle and I’ll end up starved.”

“In an ideal world, with everybody fit and available, I would play on the right or even up front where I played with some success at Uni. Steven Gerrard has a good role at Liverpool on the right but with the freedom to roam. That ONLY works, however, because they have Sissoko and Alonso in the middle - two holding midfielders - one of which can spray the ball around.”

The worldbeater’s manager found the email so funny he forwarded it on to a couple of friends, who did the same and so the incriminating email spread like wildfire until it was picked up by ThisIsLondon.

Good news for Liverpool though. If the unthinkable happens and Gerrard leaves the Premiership for Madrid, Barcelona or does the unthinkable and buggers off forChelsea or even (if Fergie gets his way) Manchester United, there’s a guy out there who’s an ideal replacement. Mike Rolt is apparently in great shape, fast as lightning, great at tackling, breaking up plays and launching counter attacks, can beat a fullback over and over, good in the air and a born leader.

He’s even versatile, since he can also play up front. He may be even better than Gerrard. The only downside is that, like Newcastle’s Kieron Dyer and Blackburn’s (Ed: Meant Liverpool, obviously) Craig Bellamy, he doesn’t fancy playing right mid.

 

---

Read more Newcastle news on the Newcastle section.

 

---

 Caughtoffside.com - Sports blog offering Sports news & Sports articles

Newcastle Fans Deserve Better, Surely?

Haven’t Newcastle fans suffered enough?

The trophyless Toon were so close to Premiership glory before Kevin Keegan had that mental breakdown and handed Man United the title. Then came Kenny Dourglish, the very unsexy football of Ruud Gullit, the ill-advised sacking of Bobby Robson, and the frankly insane decision to hire Graeme Souness. So do the Geordie faithful really need Sven Goran Eriksson inflicted on them now?

After more than half a decade of Sven, every English man woman and child has had enough of the Swedish bungler, but he somehow keeps being linked with English clubs. First it was Aston Villa, then it was West Ham and now poor old Newcastle. Is there anyone you’d be more depressed to see unveiled as your team’s new manager than Svennis? Not a bad manager, but “media circus” is putting it lightly.

Freddy Shepard and Sven’s agent AssAthole Still may have denied any agreement or discussions between Sven and Newcastle, but when has the word of a chairman and an agent meant anything?

And so the game of Russian roulette that is Sven’s attempt to find a Premiership job, continues…

 

---

Read more about Newcastle fans on the Newcastle section.

 

---

 Caughtoffside.com - Sports blog offering Sports news & Sports articles

Chelsea and United Set To Go At It Again

Are you ready for John Obi Mikel mk II? Manchester United and Chelsea are. The shameless tug of war the two clubs performed over the Nigerian youngster could be repeated as J.O.M.’s compatriot Chinedu Ogbuke is also set to leave Norwegian club Lyn Oslo.

Word from Ogbuke’s agent is that “the same clubs that wanted Mikel” are sniffing around the striker, which means another undignified scrap between Fergie and Mourinho, though Tottenham, Celtic, Arsenal, Liverpool, Lokomotiv Moscow and Barcelona could also be interested.

Three things spring to mind:

1) If Arsene Wenger is interested, then this kid must be good.
2) Don’t fancy Lokomotiv Moscow’s chances much.
3) Lyn Oslo aren’t very good at holding on to players.

Jose Should Think Just A Bit More Before He Speaks

Digsy finds that Mourinho’s mind games aren’t quite as fun as they used to be.

Is anyone else sick of Jose Mourinhos’ rent-a-quote approach to big-match build up? The Chelsea chief’s “I am a Special One” confidence was a breath of fresh air when he first arrived in the Premiership, sent by the footballing Gods to break up Manchester United and Arsenal’s stranglehold on the Premiership. But now he’s descended into predictability, where you can guarantee the Portugeezer will try and stir things up even when he knows better and no matter the implications beyond football.

This time round he’s accusing Barcelona of diving, a transparent attempt to manufacture controversy and put pressure on Stefano Farina (the man in black for today’s Champions League clash at the Nou Camp) and maybe start a war of words with Frank Rijkaard.

It’s true there were a few dives in Barca’s 3-0 win over Recreativo Huelva this past weekend, but Chelsea are no angels either. Arjen Robben and Joe Cole have notoriously unstable centres of gravity, and then there’s Didier “Sometimes I dive, sometimes I stand up” Drogba.

Mourinho knows this, and he knows his ramblings won’t stop Leo Messi taking the occasional tumble, but it seems he can no longer approach a big game in terms of players, tactics and formations, he has to whip up a little tabloid storm to go with it.

By drawing attention to the diving Mourinho is hoping to pressurize referee Farina, hoping he’ll think twice every time a Barca player hits the deck. But Jose should be careful. The last time he started throwing accusations around the Nou Camp (completely unfounded accusations about Rijkaard spending half time in the referees dressing room) poor old Anders Frisk received death threats from Stamford Bridge regulars who take the game a little too seriously.

And that’s the big problem with Jose Mourinho’s mouth. While you can’t physically hurt anyone with a clever formation (unless there’s some lethal variation of 4-5-1 that would be dangerous in the wrong hands) Mourinho’s calculated comments are so inflammatory they have the potential to create real problems in the real world. It’s nice to think that football exists in a vacuum from the rest of the world, but there is a point where the mind games just aren’t fun anymore.

When Will You Start To Believe?

Magnus is glad to have his Manchester United back.

When will we start to believe that Manchester United are on the hunt for a ninth Premiership title? When will we start to believe that we are again contenders in Europe? When we beat Copenhagen Wednesday night? When we are still top of the League at Christmas? In March? In April?

This season has already brought a growing belief that maybe Sir Alex Ferguson was right all along – that all that was needed for United once again to be a force to reckon with was a little tweaking here and there, not the massive overhaul that most of us – yes, including me, I’ll duly eat my piece of the humble pie – felt was necessary. What before the season looked like wishful thinking – nay, mere dreaming – by only the most ardent of United fans, is now in danger of becoming reality.

Copenhagen on Wednesday shouldn’t be too much of a problem. We will get at least the point that we need to qualify for the second round of the Champions League, and thus accomplish one of the primary goals of the season. After last season’s embarrassingly early exit from the competition, it will please the United support no end that the club has progressed beyond the group stage, although it won’t satisfy them.

For that to happen, United must advance in Europe, stay at, or near, the top of the Premiership, and hopefully advance in the domestic cups. And on current form, there’s every chance they will.

I must say, I almost can’t believe I’m writing this. Only a year ago, powerful voices in the media were calling for Ferguson’s head. They wanted him gone. In fact, they were looking forward to the downfall of the great Scot, the Emperor of Manchester. Headlines such as “Past his sell-by date” (The Times) and “Ferguson has demonstrably, irrefutably, lost the plot” (The Guardian) were not uncommon. After nearly 20 years in charge of the club, even some fans were of the same opinion. United Rant, a famous fanzine, even proclaimed, rather harshly, “For God’s sake Fergie, Go”. Not exactly the glorious end Ferguson himself expected.

But then something happened. Exactly what, remains unclear. United started winning. They went on a great run that even saw Chelsea get slightly anxious towards the end of last season. And they haven’t looked back.

Read more

Pardew Support Was Never In Doubt

Effra welcomes the quiet that follows three points.

Goals in the Premiership, three points, and a half-decent performance, albeit with the obligatory four minutes of hell, has made a lot of very happy Hammers.

Given the upcoming fixture list, no one of course should get carried away. But Pardew, the players, and the fans all made their point yesterday. For the moment anyway the club still belongs to us and not to the media or Joorabchian. For its part the media can find another crisis club for the week. Sky and the horde of press thought that they were coming to gawp at the last rites and you could almost see them polishing their funeral orations but from the first blistering chorus of ‘Alan Pardew’s claret and blue army’ they’d come with the wrong script.

That the media really didn’t get after the Chesterfield debacle shows just how much support Pardew has retained during this West Ham crisis. (The Evening Standard’s Matthew Norman was the honourable exception)West Ham fans know which players have been letting Pardew down and they have plenty of ideas about why that don’t tell against Pardew. They also know that West Ham go out of the Carling Cup every other season to a team from a lower division.

Most of us still think we’ve got the most promising young manager in the Premiership. Better copy of course if the fans are baying for blood but it was just lazy journalism not see that West Ham fans were going to stand and fight for Pardew. Indeed all the media crap last week just made us even more determined since at West Ham we don’t take kindly to outsiders telling us how we feel. As for Brown and Joorabchian, I hope they were listening hard. Yesterday was a properly West Ham kind of day, football the way we do it: unpredictable, passionate, and resolutely loyal to our own.

The fight for Alan Pardew ain’t over yet.

Who Can Be The Next Schmeichel?

Every weekend, Manchester United have three keepers playing first team Premiership football. Dutch man-giraffe Edwin van der Sar is the current Old Trafford goalie in residence, Ben Foster is impressing between the pipes on loan at Watford while Tim Howard is getting rave reviews for his work on loan at Everton.

So the big question is: when van der Sar hangs up his gloves (he turned 36 yesterday) which keeper will replace him? Foster was the only thing between Aaron Lennon and two goals for Tottenham on Saturday, and he’s definitely keeping Watford’s goals against column respectable. Even better he’s got that Schmeichelesque big kick on him. Foster is also England’s third choice keeper behind Wigan’s Chris Kirkland, which actually makes him England’s second choice keeper because the former Liverpool man is made from same shoddy material as oft-injured Middlesbrough loanee Jonathan “thigh strain” Woodgate and Newcastle United injury magnet Kieron Dyer.

But right now the smart money is on Howard, as the big American has that extra bit of Premiership experience. He made the PFA Best XI in 2003/4 and looked set to make the Old Trafford number one jersey his own before inexplicably forming a goalkeeping comedy double act with Roy Carroll in the 2004/5 season. Carroll was shipped off to West Ham but Howard was given a stay of execution, and his heroics against Arsenal this weekend suggest he’s rediscovered that magnificent early form. Thomas Kucaifyt8h also came in admirably for Van Der Sar earlier in the season, saving a penalty against Arsenal.

Manchester United have been on two epic searches for the past few seasons in an attempt to replace Roy Keane in midfield and Peter Schmeichel in goal.

They haven’t really done very well with the former but do United supporters reckon they’re any closer on the latter?

Window Just Delays The Inevitable

If Digsy doesn’t get to have a sack window, he doesn’t see why anyone else should.

Stuart Pearce probably thinks he’s doing Premiership managers a favour with his sack window proposal, but he’s wrong. The Manchester City boss’s idea was intended to stop all the rumours about struggling managers getting their marching orders.

“This week it is Alan Pardew, next week it could be Iain Dowie, it was Stuart Pearce the week before, Gareth Southgate the week before that,” said Pearce, referring to himself in the third person (is that why they called him Psycho?)

“Who will be next? Rafael Benitez? He had designs on the championship at the start of the season, he spent a lot of money - and he is two points in front of us.”

“It is a ridiculous trend. Maybe somewhere in the future, if you are going to move managers on, you will have to do it during the transfer window. Then at least people would have the chance to get on with their job a little bit.”

But a sack window wouldn’t stop the chatter about the above mentioned West Ham, Charlton, Middlesbrough and Liverpool bosses losing their jobs. The only difference would be that all sack-related sentences would come with a modifier.

“Iain Dowie is facing the sack” becomes “Iain Dowie is facing the sack… in January.” “Rafa Benitez could be replaced as Liverpool manager” becomes “Rafa Benitez could be replaced as Liverpool manager… in January” and so on and so forth. What a waste of newspaper ink (though extra drinking money for any Sun journalists paid by the word). There’d be a lot of dead men walking towards the end of the season.

Even worse, Psycho’s Sack Window ™ would lead to more managers losing their jobs. Just as teams always panic buy in the transfer window (see Michael Carrick, Tottenham to Man United, £18 million) so chairman will panic fire and hire.

Say it’s January 2007 and Psycho’s Sack Window is open. The Newcastle board are backing Glenn Roeder to come good and want to give him a chance, but if they don’t replace him during the window there hands will be tied from February 1st onwards until the end of the season. Without the window Freddy Shepherd and friends can give Roeder some time to turn things around, but with the sack window they have to fire him in January or bank the entire season on him.

Rumours are annoying, but they’re better than actually being fired.

Ferguson Is Behind Liverpool Rift Rumors?

Interesting information has come to light following some investigative journalism on Liverpool Way, as Liverpool rumors of a rift between Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard and Rafa Benitez came out of the woodwork the last few days,

Obviously everyone at Liverpool is denying anything is wrong, but according to Liverpool Way the rumors stem from information fed to some journo hack by former Manchester United player Paddy Crerand who claims the information came directly from Sir Alex Ferguson - including,

“STEVEN GERRARD’S future at Liverpool is hanging in the balance, with the Anfield captain growing increasingly unhappy with life under Rafa Benitez.”

“Gerrard publicly insists that he is happy to play anywhere in Benitez’s tactical system. But privately, he feels his poor form this season is down to the Spaniard’s insistence that he plays wide on the right of midfield, while Xabi Alonso and Momo Sissoko play in his favourite central position”

“Gerrard is prepared to put his preference to one side for England - but feels his talent is going to waste at Anfield.”

Part of Liverpool Way’s conspiracy theory is that, in addition to recent pro-Stevie comments from his buddie Wayne Rooney, this is all part of Sir Alex’s attempt to destablize Gerrard. Strangely, this doesn’t sound as far fetched as one would think, given how Manchester United are still looking for someone to boss the midfield post-Hargreavesmania.

A ridiculous bid would be required, as well as the most controversial transfer decision made by a player since Sol Campbell left Tottenham for Arsenal on a free. Gerrard’s loyalty to Liverpool has already wavered once after interest from Chelsea, we’re guessing this one isn’t quite over yet.

---

Read more Liverpool rumors on the Liverpool section 

---

Caughtoffside.com - Sports blog & Football blog offering Football news

Injury Shock!!! What?!

Only this incomprehensible headline can express our shock and surprise at the news that Newcastle part-time midfielder Kieron Dyer is injured again, stunning!

After bigging up the fact that he’s been working out his entire body to prevent injuries to his hamstrings and groin, he has ironically suffered an injury to the one place that strength training won’t help - his eye.

“Kieron took a knock to his left eye on Friday morning in what can only be described as a freak accident,” confirmed Roeder.

“We immediately took him to see a specialist and his advice was that he needs to rest and not to take part in any contact training for at least two weeks.

“Kieron does not deserve such wretched luck to happen little more than a day after getting back out on the pitch against Portsmouth, when for 30 minutes he showed the kind of electric pace and ability that we know he is capable of”

Is it really possible for someone to have this much bad luck? It’s beyond comical and while the likes of Tottenham’s Darren Anderton and Liverpool’s Harry Kewell will rival Kieron Dyer’s injury record, there’s got to be something else going on here.

Our guesses as to why Dyer hasn’t played in the Premiership since 1937:

1) Dyer accidentally killed a gypsy’s daughter
2) Dyer walked under a ladder while covered in a pile of black cats
3) Dyer is really lazy

 

---

Read more Newcastle fans comments on the Newcastle section.

 

---

 Caughtoffside.com - Sports blog offering Sports news & Sports articles

Benitez Attack: The Quotes

In case you haven’t been paying attention to anything relating to the Premiership today, the *cough* Daily Mirror printed “quotes” from an un named Liverpool director regarding the relatively poor start that Rafa Benitez’ side has endured this Premiership season,

“We have paid too many inflated prices and inflated wages for players who are not doing the job,”

“When it comes to any manager, the view of the board has always been to let them get on with it. We do not believe in interfering.

“But the day will come when we may not be that way inclined any more. We have always been very respectful of any manager we appoint. The view has always been the same one, the right one - that the manager must stand or fall by his efforts.

“But one thing that we can’t hide is that we have to be in the Champions League every season and if we do not qualify it will be a major problem.

“The budget we have set up is still in balance if we do not get into the Champions League. But if we are to make investment in the team we are talking about £20m of income we need to have every season.”

“We were looking to do something in the league. We thought it would be this year and it’s not going to happen now.

“Normally, by the time you get to October, you’d expect the manager to know his best team and stick with it but there are no signs of that happening now. I don’t think he could tell you what his best team is.”

Apparently Liverpool are investigating who made these statements, although the fact that they are printed by in the Mirror may answer that in itself.

Arguments about squad rotation don’t look quite so bad now.

Benitez Rotation: Revolutionary Or Ranieri?

While this headline may be borderline terrible (we’re big fans of aliteration), we’re pretty interested by the ongoing squad rotation debate that is an old issue in the Premiership with Alex Ferguson championing it with his dominant Manchester United side of the 90s, came to more prominence with Claudio “Tinkerman” Ranieri at Chelsea and whose torch is now being carried by Rafa “99 consecutive squad changes” Benitez at Liverpool.

Although there have been plenty who have rotated before him in the Premiership, Benitez takes the concept to an entirely new level - doing it constantly for tactical reasons rather than simply when a player is tired.

The whole thing has been an issue ever since he arrived at Anfield, less so after he wins a trophy, more so after he collects 11 points from the first 9 Premiership matches. The players seem to be on his side, Steve Gerrard doing his best captain impression and backing the boss while Peter Crouch tries to accept that more goals do not mean more matches - for better or worse.

Rafa’s stance is that, with so many matches, Liverpool players and supporters will thank him for how fresh their team are come the end of the season. But with so many new arrivals at the club as the squad continues to take shape, many have argued it would be more than a little beneficial to at least let the squad develop some on-field cohesiveness before starting to rotate. And if they are going to rotate, maybe do so every few matches rather than every match? After all, shouldn’t professional atheletes be able handle a couple of matches on the trot? And if you’re already so far behind after a quarter of the Premiership season, what good is being fresh at the end?

Read more

West Ham Finally Spared

After an incredible run of bad luck on and off the pitch, West Ham have finally been spared more distraction as former England boss and part time Dracula impersonator Sven Goran Eriksson has been dismissed as potential replacement for Alan Pardew. The Swede’s amusingly named agent Athole Still told TalkSport,

‘I would say that he is very close to being back in football.

‘There are a couple of possibilities that I think will crystallise at the beginning of the year but it is highly unlikely that it will be in the UK.

‘I want to get the whole Tel Aviv thing out of the way. He’s known Papouchado for years; he’s met him many times in London, as the guy is a football nut. ‘It was a personal invitation for Sven to go down there. West Ham were never mentioned at any time in the three days he was down there.’

Not that Sven is a bad coach, his club and arguably international achievements speak for themselves, but if Eriksson does return to the Premiership the media will have a field day. Anything less than 100 consecutive wins and 19 FA cups in his first season would result in him being hounded out before he even has time to shag the club secretary. For a club and supporters that probably just want to get on with the football, hiring Sven may not be a step in the right direction.

You can see the lads at kumb.com reacting to the news, here.

Written by Administrator · Filed Under Football & Soccer, Premier League, West Ham | 1 Comment 

Someone Please Save Poor Beckham

October 25, 2006

The current state of David Beckham is really quite sad. Despite a fair bit of public support, a recall to the England squad looks unlikely while Fabio Capello doesn’t seem particularly high on him at Real Madrid. Becks has also come out all teary-eyed about his days at Manchester United in the Premiership,

“It was an accident. I’ve known Ferguson since I was 12-years-old and we have had one or two problems in that time,” he said.

“Maybe he didn’t want me to leave. I don’t think there is any desire on his part for me not to have success. In every way, I hope my luck changes.”

“I have friends - Ronaldo, Roberto Carlos, Michel Salgado - but we don’t go out together enough.

“At Manchester I was there 15 years and every day, every match, we were united, win or lose.

“Every 15 days we went out together to dinner with all the players, including times when Ferguson and all the coaches came.

“In the three years I’ve been here we have done that four times.”

Poor Becks needs some friends, as Posh doesn’t really seem like the fun type. There are already noises coming out of Newcastle and Tottenham supporters regarding the possible acquisition of Beckham, and a return to the Premiership would almost certainly be his next move should he decide to leave or be forced out of Real. At a rumored 5 million, he’d be value for his set pieces alone and, of course, he’d pay for himself.
To be honest, we’ve always been fans of Becks. He’s almost always come across as honest and trying to be the best footballer he can be and, despite all the media attention, generally tries to be positive and certainly doesn’t come across as half as bad as some others.

 

---

Read more Newcastle fans comments on the Newcastle section.

 

---

 Caughtoffside.com - Sports blog offering Sports news & Sports articles

Written by Administrator · Filed Under Football & Soccer, Manchester United, Newcastle, Premier League, Tottenham | 24 Comments 

Who Will Turn It Around: West Ham, Newcastle Or Liverpool?

October 25, 2006

There are plenty of Premiership clubs who have not really got into gear this season, last season’s surprise teams like Tottenham, Wigan and Blackburn have produced mediocre starts. But there are three clubs who’s form has stuck as rather dismal compared to expectations before the season kicked off, and you probably won’t be particularly surprised…

West Ham are the obvious pick for worst start to the season, or at least most disappointing. After an FA cup final and plaudits aplenty last season, the arrival of Tevezcherano and the potential promise of a takeover and giant transfer budget - it’s pretty much gone entirely pear shaped. 8 successive defeats, 1 goal scored, out of the UEFA Cup and out of the Carling Cup to Chesterfield, rumors of infighting and an unsettled, uncaring captain and the double edged sword of a takeover still looming over the club. Alan Pardew should be a good enough manager to turn it around, and they certainly have the players, but we (and plenty of Hammer fans) were saying that about 4 goaless defeats ago.

Newcastle have also been fairly shocking. Losing Michael Owen was a huge blow, but the arrival of Damien Duff, Obafemi Martins, the re-emergence of Scott Parker and…err…Antoine Sibierski had most Newcastle supporters pretty optimistic about the coming campaign. Sadly, the same old problems resurfaced - comical defending and injuries to key positions. Not to mention the fact that Damiem Duff has apparently been terrible, and Obafemi Martins continues to be a really really fast guy who doesn’t score that much. Oh, and they have Glenn Roeder as manager…so…

Liverpool are the we’re-surprised-but-not-that-surprised pick of the bunch. Premiership form has not been Liverpool’s best ability for a few years now and the harshest of critics (i.e. Mourinho) will say that Rafa Benitez rode his luck in winning his Champions League and FA cup trophies. With plenty of money spent, a deep, talented squad that on paper should be able to brush aside most clubs but they aren’t. You could blame the rotation, you could blame putting Gerrard on the right wing or you could blame the players. But most of all, you should blame Peter Crouch. Because he’s super tall and he looks funny.

Admirably, in an age of rampant fickleness, most supporters of these clubs still seem to believe that their clubs and current managers will turn it around (well, maybe not Roeder) thanks to past glories and an understanding that a blip in form is no reason to sack an obviously talented coach. All of the clubs have the talent to do a whole lot better, but will they?

So, anyone want to take a guess as to which of these suffering clubs will turn it around and meet their pre-season expectations? And which just aren’t good enough?

 

---

Read more Newcastle news on the Newcastle section.

 

---

 Caughtoffside.com - Sports blog offering Sports news & Sports articles

Written by Administrator · Filed Under Blackburn, Football & Soccer, Liverpool, Newcastle, Premier League, West Ham, Wigan | 26 Comments 

Next Page »