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Wenger: We Will Beat Tottenham

You’d think that coming off dismal performances and losses to Bolton and Fulham, effectively killing Arsenal’s Premiership title chances, would blunt Arsene Wenger’s confidence ahead of the North London derby, but he’s certainly not showing it,

“We have a difficult game coming up against Tottenham, and I do not agree at all with the way the fixtures have been organised - it is a farce,”

“I cannot understand how the Premier League can organise midweek fixtures in between Champions League games.

“They are very creative because to get that through anywhere else in Europe, you will have big problems.”

“We play now against opponents who did not play this week - but we will beat them.”

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Defoe’s Next Club?

Well, if you ask bookies William Hill, you’ll get a quick answer as they’ve put together some odds on where Tottenham striker Jermaine Defoe will playing his Premiership football come next season,

4/5 Tottenham
4/1 Liverpool or Manchester United
7/1 Aston Villa
11/1 West Ham
12/1 Arsenal
16/1 Newcastle
33/1 Chelsea

We normally don’t find ourselves disagreeing with bookies, mainly because we value our kneecaps and non-electrocuted bollocks, but West Ham don’t seem like they’d be the fifth most likely destination given that most of the Hammers aren’t really too fond of their former player these days, and their new Egg-headed chairman is rather keen to win them over.

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Steve: Well Played, Sky TV, Well Played

Another reader submission for ‘From The Terraces‘, as COS reader Steve recaps a rather underwhelming Premiership weekend on the telly in rather overwhelming detail. Oh, and he hates Sky.

Due to illness over the weekend I became armed with the most important piece of weaponry a household can have -the TV Remote. SKY Television had been telling me all week that “The Showdown” between Manchester United and Chelsea was the game to end all games. This, we were promised would be all out warfare between two sides who genuinly don’t like each other. The climax of a “thrilling weekend of Premiership football on SKY” (their words not mine). Any true boxing fan will tell you that the Main Event is just one match and true fans stick around for the undercard. So, like any true football I sat myself down for a weekends viewing that left me totally underwhelmed.

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If You Could Sign One Player From Each Premiership Team?

Envy is technically a sin, but in football it’s part of life. The grass is always greener pretty much everywhere else and regardless of who currently runs onto the pitch for your club each week chances are you reckon a few of them aren’t quite good enough. Even some Chelsea supporters aren’t entirely happy with their squad, so how could the rest of us possibly be?

So in the spirit of the holidays, put aside any mumuring dislike you may have for certain Premiership clubs or players and let us know who you support, and which one player from each club you’d welcome to yours with open arms. Shock people by admitting you reckon Titus Bramble could do a job, embarass yourself by not being able to name a single Watford player, anger Arsenal supporters by ignoring Thierry Henry yet again. The possibilities are endless. Well, they’re not… but there’s quite a lot of them. And if this sounds like crazy fantasy land, just remember that fantasy to some is accepted reality to others.

You’ll find out who rates who from where, and which of your own players are regarded most highly by other fans. Plus, whoever manages to state a genuine case for not picking Gerrard from Liverpool gets a special prize.

To make things easier, after the jump is a list of all the Premiership teams for your cut-and-paste enjoyment.

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Tevez Given Ultimate Punishment

It’s always good to know that some Premiership footballers don’t take themselves too seriously.

After being substitued against Sheffield United last weekend, Tevez opted to storm out of Upton Park before the match was over rather than join his team mates on the bench. Tevez eventually apologised and asked that his team mates decide the severity of his punishment and that he would donate any fines to charity.

His teamates, however, also decided that Tevez has to also shame his ancestors by wearing the national shirt of Argentinia arch-nemesis Brazil. It’s unclear whether Tevez has to wear it in training, or under his shirt to expose upon scoring his next goal for the club but we’re assuming it’s all in good fun.

Unless they also beat him with sticks, then not quite as fun.

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Chelsea Step Up Race To Own Asian Market

Ah yes, that elusive Asian football market. Dominated by Manchester United for so long and seen as a primary profit center, now and even more so in the future, for many Premiership clubs.

Chelsea look to capitalise on the allegiance-flexible region by announcing plans for a Chinese language version of their official site to help all those new Chelsea supporters keep up to date on the latest Blues News (yes, that was deliberate).

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Keeper Regrets Latest Blunder

After unveiling a rather shocking haircut over the weekend against Newcastle, Premiership goalkeeper and part time model (though we assume not anymore) David James has thankfully regrets the latest addition to his ‘Calamity’ reputation,

“I did not use hair straighteners, I do not know what they are,” said James.

“It is some black chemical called Bold and Beautiful. It is a bit different the comb-over.

“I went to a lady in Exeter who did a great job but after seeing it over the weekend I might shave it off.”

We’re hoping he keeps the hair because it looks ridiculous. And ridiculous hair is funny.

Emirates Stadium Causing Arsenal Problems

After Thierry Henry admitted that he’s feeling a little lost playing at the Emirates, Arsene Wenger has jumped in and claimed that the club’s new ground has played a significant role in their poor home form this Premiership season,

“Away from home this year we have done well. But we have gone to a new ground,” said Wenger.

“Manchester United or Chelsea would drop a few points at the start if they did that - and that’s what has happened to us.”

“It is not completely illogical. We have just moved in, and we have slipped up, four times we have drawn 1-1.”

“But if you look at the games, the other teams had one shot on goal and we had 28. That will not happen forever, don’t worry.”

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What Did You Learn This Premiership Weekend? (Part 13)

Everyone saw the Premiership matches they cared about, and it’s a rather lengthy process trudging through the match reports of every club that matters little to you - especially if you’re still carrying the stench of defeat.

So instead, after every round of matches here’s your chance for everyone to share the three things they learned from the weekend’s Premiership action. A sort of cheatsheet, only with more profanity. To see what readers learned last week, click here.

This weekend, it could be that United vs Chelsea was actually quite boring, that Argentinians and the Premiership just don’t mix, that Newcastle are back on track until next weekend when they lose 4-0 to whoever they’re playing, that Tottenham have more midfielders than some other clubs have entire squads, or that Bolton vs Arsenal continues to be like watching men play boys. Oh, and Reading are apparently quite good.

Here’s a list of the weekend’s results as a refresher:

Man Utd 1-1 Chelsea
Newcastle 1-0 Portsmouth
Tottenham 3-1 Wigan
Aston Villa 1-1 Middlesbrough
Bolton 3-1 Arsenal
Charlton 1-1 Everton
Fulham 0-1 Reading
Liverpool 1-0 Man City
West Ham 1-0 Sheff Utd

David James, Worst Haircut In Premiership?

Hot on the heels of Rio Ferdinand’s humiliation of Manchester United, Portsmouth keeper David James shames his ancestors by deciding that the competition for dodgiest Premiership footballer hair needed a new entry. Superb and certain to spawn numerous lookey-likey entries.

Who Wants Wright-Phillips?

Alan Pardew may be a little miffed that Chelsea decided to spill the beans about their interest in Abramovich era poster-child Shaun Wright-Philips, but new owner “Eggsy” Magnusson is taking Peter Kenyon’s blabbing as a not so subtle “Come and get him” plea to the newly minted Premiership club.

But Kenyon’s public admission of Wright-Phillips availability is going to attract a lot more clubs as the wee man was only recently the hottest property in English football, and a pre-Aaron Lennon (or Steven Gerrard) heir to David Beckham’s right wing spot on in the national side.

But with a fee likely around the 10 million mark there are only a couple of Premiership clubs realistically in the running for the 25 year old.

West Ham, obviously, but it will be a bit of a surprise if Harry Redknapp doesn’t try to bring the lad into the Portsmouth revolution. Aston Villa have yet to spend any of Lerner’s American dollars and a pacy winger would certainly inject some attacking verve into Martin O’Neill’s well-organised, but rather unexciting squad.

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Ferguson and Mourinho Disagree On Result

In the least surprising pair of soundbytes following Sunday’s top of the Premiership clash, both Jose Mourinho and Alex Ferguson rallied around the result as a positive for their club,

Mourinho said,

“I think it is [a better result for Chelsea than Manchester United] because they entered this game mentally very strong and feeling it was a big, big chance for them, a chance not to lose,”

“If I was in their place I would be very, very disappointed because it is a big chance at home to open the gap and they couldn’t do it.”

Ferguson said,

“We proved we can compete and that when we reach the high levels of performance we are the best team in the country at the moment,”

You have to appreciate the dedication and thoughtful execution behind the two masters of managerial mind games. Keep confidence high amongst the players after drawing a match where both sides could easily feel they should have won is no easy task.

But it does mean that the neutral loses out, because there’s nothing worse than a high profile clash that leaves both managers happy with nothing to moan about endlessly for the next month.

Manchester United 1-1 Chelsea: A Fair Result?

So the most hyped Premiership match of the season so far was pretty good, but not great. A lot of running and effort but without too much excitement in terms of clear cut chances or outrageous, chest-spin-then-bicycle-kick goals. But that’s to be expected when pitting two organised, quality teams against each other.

But in a true “game of two halves”, United looked better in the first as Ronaldo did everything that Wayne Rooney didn’t. But Mourinho smartly switch things up after half time - moving Michael Essien to right back instead of Geremi to exploit the space left on that side by Ryan Giggs tucking in, and putting on Arjen Robben to give them width. Both Essien and Robben got on the ball in space time after time in the second period.

There wasn’t even much in terms of diving or controversey with referee Howard Webb doing a good job for a change. A couple of elbows were thrown while competing for headers but both Drogba and Rooney stayed on their feet in the penalty box under challenges that they could probably have gotten a penalty out of had they gone down.

So all in all, a fair draw. Anyone out there reckon otherwise?

Ronaldinho’s Ridiculous Goal Against Villarreal (Video)

Not really Premiership related, unless you count being linked to Chelsea, but Ronaldinho scored a simply unbelivable goal over the weekend against Villarreal. Well worth watching over and over, although his connection with the ball could have been better…

Tevez Strop Spoils West Ham Party

Just when Alan Pardew and West Ham supporters thought that things were finally going to calm down and get better, up pops a moody Argentinian to ruin the party.

A lovely non-dodgy takeover was followed by a much-needed 1-0 win over Sheffield United today, including a solid display by Carlos Tevez who was eventually substituted for Teddy Sheringham in the second half with just under half an hour to go to a rousing bit of applause for his perfomance. Rather than offering up a warm hug or leaping high-five for his manager, Tevez went straight down the tunnel, got his stuff, and buggered off from Upton Park in a strop.

The lads at kumb.com seem equally upset that Pardew subbed Tevez - as he was putting in the kind of performance that we’ve all been waiting for since Tevezcherano arrived in the Premiership - as they are with the Argie himself for such unprofessional behaviour. Although it’s hardly the first time he’s acted like less than a model pro in his short career.

Supposedly Pardew explained the change as needing more height in the side to defend set pieces with a one goal lead, but it’s quite a reminder that it may be a while yet before normal service is resumed at West Ham even if everyone kisses and makes up come Monday.

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