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Allardyce Unhappy With Rough Play. Hahaha!

If there’s one thing current Newcastle and former Bolton boss Sam Allardyce probably doesn’t have the right to complain about, it’s rough house tactics on the football pitch. Kevin Davies and the rest of Bolton’s humongous thugs were well known for slapping smaller Premiership clubs about the pitch with elbows, knees and saliva. But after Juventus keeper Gianluigi Buffon attempted to kill young striker Andrew Carroll, Fat Sam was not best pleased,

“That was as bad as Harald Schumacher’s challenge on Patrick Battiston in the 1982 World Cup,” said Allardyce after the game.

“It was more like common assault than anything you expect to see on a football field. Andy was lucky not to end up in hospital.

“He is a young lad who must have been thrilled at scoring against a team like Juventus, but it could all have turned very sour for him.”

In all seriousness, the tackle was pretty reckless. A win over Juventus even in pre-season is something to be proud of, while Andrew Carroll has looked like a player who could make an impact next season. A strong partner for Obafemi Martins when Shola Ameobi is injured for 9 months with various ailments.

Newcastle’s summer hasn’t gone particularly well so far, with Scott Parker moving to West Ham and Kieron Dyer looking a cert to follow him out of St. James’ Park. Joey Barton is probably their best new signing but only replaces Parker like-for-like. Sam no doubt will be itching to get improve the squad, although he has plenty to work with if they can all stay healthy.

Tottenham Have The Premiership’s Best Strikers?

According to, err, former Spurs player Les Ferdinand,

“Tottenham have got the best quartet of strikers in the Premiership at this moment in time.

“The only way you can keep them happy is by playing them. I don’t think the manager has a rotational policy, he takes it game by game. If a player is scoring then he is in.

“I was very fortunate in my career because there wasn’t many occasions when I was left on the bench. As I got older it happened of course but not in my heyday. Whenever I was dropped I never knocked on the manager’s door, I always looked at my own performance.”

Of course the most likely chaps to contest this would be Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester United and Liverpool. But if you look at either goal production from last season or just the names on paper, it would be hard for any of them to argue that Spurs don’t at least match, if not exceed, their talent. If their midfield can create chances and the defense can stay injury free, there won’t be a shortage of opportunities to win matches for Martin Jol’s side next season.

Oh and Aston Villa too, because they have Marlon Harewood.

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Carragher: Chelsea Rule, Manchester United Suck.

At least according to Liverpool nutter Jamie Carragher, who threw down a prediction with the Premiership season just a couple weeks away,

“United may be the champions but Chelsea are really the ones you have to use as your yardstick,” he said.

“With Petr Cech being back at his peak there is no better ‘keeper and John Terry in front of him is going to give Chelsea a real chance again.

“The team which finishes above Chelsea will win it this season.

“United are a great side and have strengthened again. Carlos Tevez would make a big difference to their chances. Hopefully, they won’t get him,” said Carragher

Jamie, or J-dog to his friends, might merely be pandering to his fans by taking the piss out of United or he may simply be realistic. United may have strengthened with some talented youngsters, but there’s Mourinho’s side still have a squad deep with players in their physical prime while Sir Alex must hope the genetic dice are rolled in his favour again next year so Paul Scholes and Ryan Giggs can maintain their form. If not, the team suddenly looks distinctly less inspiring unless the likes of Nani and Anderson can somehow settle immediately from day one and boss some big matches.

No mention of his own club’s prospects, but with some big spending this summer surely expectations at Anfield must be that the team who finishes above Liverpool will win it?

I Have An Irrational Disgust For Tottenham

Edward supports Everton. Edward does not support Arsenal. Edward doesn’t even support West Ham. Yet Edward doesn’t like Tottenham.

I have an irrational disgust for Tottenham Hotspur, bolstered by the fact that everyone from Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho to my obese cousin are tipping them to “break into” the Top 4. Nick Hornby describes them as having a “smug air of ersatz sophistication” and this sums up my feelings on the matter perfectly. The funny thing is, I am an Evertonian. My opprobrium towards these masters of style over substance is purely because of a cold calculating hatred, not due to bitter Arsenal or West Ham football rivalries. Going to “The Lane” is probably similar to becoming a scientologist. Tom Cruise and John Travolta would be the perfect Spurs fans, and Glenn Hoddle isn’t too dissimilar to L. Ron Hubbard.

Scientologists believe that 75 million years ago an evil galactic ruler, named Xenu, solved overpopulation by bringing trillions of people to Earth in DC-8 space planes, stacking them around volcanoes and nuking them. Then the souls of these dead space aliens were captured and boxed up and taken to cinemas where they were shown films of what life should be like, false ideas containing God, the devil and Christ.

If all this sounds like nonsense, try talking to Spurs fans, they believe their own footballing version of this: that they should be the rightful leaders of the Premiership. Transmitting their superior style of play to the infidels, and restoring their “Glory Years”. Spurs are perfect for the new generation of hyped-up, over marketed, Sky TV football-watching, habitual masturbating football fans; it is a perfect marriage. Whilst most of us grumble about the state of modern football, for fake plastic Spurs fans, this is their utopia.

One Spurs fan I know told me at the beginning of last season that Spurs were going to “do an Everton” (qualify for the champs league on a shoestring budget) — In fact they did nearly the opposite — they nearly qualified on a budget that would sustain Everton for about a century.

Spurs are the doilies of football, or more precisely a pink and green polka dotted 1970’s bungalow strewn with a cornucopia of doilies; in crochet, beaded and lace. They are needless and grotesque to all but a deluded few.

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Read more Everton transfer rumours on the Everton section.

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Is Kieron Dyer Worth Signing From Newcastle?

There’s little doubt that Manchester City, Tottenham and West Ham will be linked most strongly to Kieron Dyer regardless of this whole “He wants to be close to his family” stuff. But with the talented and permanently injured midfielder on his way out of St. James’ for sure, we’re curious as to who out there would be willing to give him yet another chance.

Fat Sam said today,

“The only way I can see to resolve this is for Kieron to move closer to his family.

“Nobody has come in with the right money yet. Nobody has offered anything like the money we want.

“If they don’t come in (with the right offer) then all I can do is sit down with Kieron and see if there’s something else we can do.

There’s no doubt that, if healthy, Dyer can terrorise the best defenders with ease. But that’s a big “if”. A humongous “if”. You’ll be paying a shedload of wages for a very limited number of appearances each season unless of course you bank on his problems being due to collection of drunk, Med-school dropouts who man the Newcastle physio room.

So assuming the fee and wages would be enough to make your club think twice about who else they could sign this summer, would you want Kieron Dyer at your club?

If not, under what circumstances might he seem like a decent gamble?

Latest Transfer Rumours: Arsenal, Chelsea, Tottenham, Manchester City, Aston Villa, Newcastle and Fulham

The world of Premiership transfer gossip is full of nonsense, but some nonsense is more interesting that the other nonsense. Speculation is rife in the likes of the Mirror, Daily Mail, Times, Sun and… err… Tribal Football all do their best to predict and/or completely make up the future.

Here’s our opinion on the Premiership transfer rumours we’ve read in the papers and around the net… and if you have any thoughts, pop em in the comments.

Read more

David Beckham Could Be Beginning Of The End For MLS

Edward doesn’t have Beckham-mania. Not at all. Really.

It is highly frustrating, I flew back to the UK for 2 weeks and during that time ALL the major football news was happening in LA on the side of the pond I just left.

I like to think that whilst I was flying to London, David Beckham and his cultural attaché Posh were up in the air too, flying in whilst I’m flying out. There seems to be a lot of confusion in both countries as to what Posh and Becks have come over for; Posh isn’t coming to LA to act and Becks definitely isn’t coming over to play football.

At school I was a history boy, it was the one subject I loved and in some ways it is fitting that I am an Everton fan, our good fortune and success seem tethered to the past, history being my passport to these fertile Evertonian lands.

My favourite quote with regards to history is by Cicero; “Those that forget what has happened before them are doomed to forever remain children” … and boy are they forgetful here in the US. And the weirdest thing? This layer cake of deluded positive thinking all seems to emanate from Michigan. Alexi Lalas, was born and raised in the footballing tundra of Birmingham Michigan, and spouts nonsensical MLS hype with every breath. As recently as last week the general manager of Michigan MLS feeder club the “Bucks” said that Becks (and MLS) would be an utter success, after all “Pele was in his 40’s when he came here”… when in fact he was only three years older than Becks….he continues to rationalize this by saying that “they all came over in the twilight of their career”, as if that is any different from what is currently happening in the MLS.

Read more

Latest Transfer Rumours: Arsenal, Tottenham, Everton, Manchester United, Newcastle, West Ham, Middlesbrough and Fulham

The world of Premiership transfer gossip is full of nonsense, but some nonsense is more interesting that the other nonsense. Speculation is rife in the likes of the Mirror, Daily Mail, Times, Sun and… err… Tribal Football all do their best to predict and/or completely make up the future.

Here’s our opinion on the Premiership transfer rumours we’ve read in the papers and around the net… and if you have any thoughts, pop em in the comments.

Read more

Tottenham’s Kaboul Dreams Of Arsenal? Which Players Try Your Patience?

Daniel looks at the Judas inside all of us, and ponders which Premier League players will be annoying the hell out of their own fans this season.

We love our teams, but we don’t always love every individual in them. The player in question may be terminally shit, generally OK but clanger prone, a waste of precious money, or just a wanker. This summer’s transfer merry-go-round has seen new faces arrive at some clubs which are sure to test the loyalty of their supporters at some point this Premiership season.

Having just survived on the last day of the season, Wigan fans would be forgiven for not being optimistic about their prospects in this campaign. When Paul Jewell was replaced by his assistant, Chris Hutchings, a man without any experience in the hot seat, you could understand if they were very concerned. And when Hutchings made Newcastle clown Titus Bramble his first signing, you couldn’t blame them if they ripped up their season tickets and threw themselves under the nearest bus shouting, “I can’t do this any more.”

Bramble was free though. If he fails, Wigan fans will be able to say, “At least we didn’t waste any money on him.” Which is more than Birmingham fans will be able to say when Mido sulks off in a year or two. ₤6m is still a lot of money for a player and for a newly promoted side it is a helluva lot of dough. Spending your budget on a striker who can score the goals to stave off relegation is fine. But shooting your load on Mido? His display as a sub in the first FA Cup game against Chelsea was truly memorable. In contrast to the assured Berbatov who he replaced, Mido showed the composure and spatial awareness of a pissed up uncle at a wedding reception when ‘Brown Eyed Girl’ is played. He then followed that up in a game against Fulham with the funniest moment of the season: an awful back pass led to Robinson saving a 1-on-1 and from the resulting corner Mido headed towards his own goal producing another last-ditch save. Robinson then pointed to the other end of the pitch and repeatedly told his team-mate to “Fuck off back up there.”

But I guess Mido might be a nice guy. Which brings me onto West Ham and Craig Bellamy. Aaah Bellamy, the classic test of a fan’s loyalty. Bellamy is a good player. And for ₤7.5m he is also good value when judged on ability alone if Mido is worth ₤6m and Darren Bent ₤17m. But Bellamy has an uncanny ability to get under people’s skin and, if a 3 wood is handy, to smash them over the top of their skin too. West Ham, ‘everybody’s second favourite team TM’, may find they lose some goodwill from other fans and gain more unwanted headlines thanks to Bellamy.

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Henry Misses Arsenal Cheers And Tottenham Boos

Thierry Henry’s departure from Arsenal led to plenty of upset Gunners, both at the situation and at the player himself. It’s never easy when a hero voluntarily decides he doesn’t want to play for your club anymore.

But despite a bit of bad press, Henry has come out with some nice reflection of his time in the Premiership,

“I wish Arsenal good luck and I will miss everything - not only at Arsenal. I will miss the boos at Tottenham,” said Henry who will play his second match for Barcelona in Saturday’s friendly against Hearts at Murrayfield.

“I’ll miss the games against Manchester United, I’ll miss the Chelsea games, I’ll miss all the stand out games. Playing in England was always amazing because the stadiums are always full, the fans are always singing.”

It’ll be interesting to see what Henry’s next encounter with English fans will be. The most mental optimistic Spurs supporter might say that it will be a rain of bitter boos in the 08/09 Champions League, but the smarter money is probably on a hero’s welcome to the Emirates. Or a rain of bitter boos.

Henry also took time out to call Freddie Ljungberg’s mother a whore give his two cents on Freddie Ljunberg’s comments about the club,

“Freddie’s a grown man. He says whatever he wants to say,” said Henry.

“Obviously I was here and I saw it on TV. It was the strangest thing going to play for West Ham. I wish him all the best.

“Everybody is always talking about the young team, this sort of thing, but a year ago we reached the Champions League final,” said the 29-year-old.

“Last season so many key players were injured. I’m not trying to make any excuses for the club. I’m sure this year, with everybody back, Arsenal can compete for the league.”

He’s right, after all Henry saw the potential of this young Arsenal side and had enough faith in Arsene Wenger to once again reject a move to Barcelona didn’t he?

He didnt’? Oh.

Latest Transfer Rumours: Tottenham, West Ham, Blackburn, Newcastle, Middlesbrough, Manchester City, Derby and Bolton

The world of Premiership transfer gossip is full of nonsense, but some nonsense is more interesting that the other nonsense. Speculation is rife in the likes of the Mirror, Daily Mail, Times, Sun and… err… Tribal Football all do their best to predict and/or completely make up the future.

Here’s our opinion on the Premiership transfer rumours we’ve read in the papers and around the net… and if you have any thoughts, pop em in the comments.

Read more

Just Let Liverpool Have Heinze!

From The Terraces publishes UNEDITED submissions we receive from you, the readers. It’s your chance to show us how this football blogging is done right, or to embarrass yourself and your ancestors.Simply write to: editor[at]caughtoffside[dot]com.

This time, COS reader Ralph thinks this is one battle Manchester United should let Liverpool win.

It is fair to say that Gabriel Heinze is not top of Sir Alex Ferguson’s Christmas card list. In fact it may even have got to the point where the Argentinian may have to sign up to a witness-protection programme. That’s if you believe everything you read.

What is clear is that the ever-smiling full-back does seem to want to move on from Old Trafford, mainly I guess because he is not too keen on trying to fight Patrice Evra for the regular starting place in the Manchester United line-up. New FIFA rules allow players to pay off the final two years of their contract, and £65,000-a-week Heinze knows it will cost him a whopping £6.8m to trigger his exit from United, a figure he will no doubt recoup from any fee that Liverpool, or indeed any other team would hand him on his arrival.

When I first read about the potential deal and the anger that surrounded it, I was scratching my head to think of the last player to make the move between the two clubs. I couldn’t think of one and then the name Phil Chisnall cropped up in many websites and newspapers. He left Old Trafford for Anfield in 1964.

The fact that Chisnall’s move was pretty much a flop (nine appearances in three years) is neither here nor there. What is interesting is the sheer animosity that exists between the two sides, but that, too, is for another time. Not brave enough to write that particular piece.

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Everton Won’t Spend Yet Again, But Does It Even Matter?

In a summer of Premiership spending from Manchester United, Tottenham and Liverpool, Edward hasn’t seen Everton jump on board. But will it matter in the end?

The past few weeks, and the ones to come are going to be vital for the start of Everton’s season. In our only (official) game in the U.S. we got beaten 2-0 by Real Salt lake, a result which the puritanical David Moyes would not have taken lightly. Added to Jagielka, the footballing Swiss army knife, is Pienaar, a useful looking attacking midfielder who doesn’t come with any risk as he is a loan signing. The potential signing of Swiss captain Vogel seems to be a good one, although his previous club Real Betis are rumoured to be holding out for some kind of transfer fee so we could be in for some wait.

Moyes may have hit out at “irresponsible spending” but… is that it?

Three signings, two of them (potentially) for zilch. Leighton Baines has been spoken of and Moyes is also sniffing around Alan Smith? Whilst everyone else is seemingly wallowing in dosh and American suitors are courting clubs a division below us we seem to be standing still.

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