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Prediction Madness: Arsenal, Aston Villa, Tottenham, West Ham, Manchester City, Liverpool, Manchester United, Newcastle, Portsmouth, Sunderland, Everton and more

Sportingo’s Mark Apostolou has predicted the season’s results with disturbing success so far, here’s his latest offering.

Bolton v Everton: (Kick-off 3pm, Saturday)
Fresh for a great win at home to Reading and safe in the knowledge that star striker Nicolas Anelka has committed himself to the club, Sammy Lee can rest a little easier at the Reebok. David Moyes has been busy in recent days getting new players in, with Yakubu on board and possibly Stephen Appiah and even Juan Riquelme to arrive before the transfer window snaps shut at midnight. A tight call but Wanderers to triumph by the odd goal. Prediction: 2-1 to Bolton.

Fulham v Tottenham: (Kickoff 3pm, Saturday)
Lawrie Sanchez has reason to believe that the league table is lying. His side’s positioning near the foot of the table is a little unfair when you consider that they were leading in the three defeats they have suffered against Arsenal, Boro and Aston Villa and lost only in the dying minutes. They will provide a stern test for Spurs. This game is predicted to be a must win for Martin Jol, who could face the sack should he not secure three points. Spurs were unlucky to lose at Old Trafford but the short trip to West London will not prove so problematic.
Prediction: 2-0 to Spurs.

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Has Manchester United’s Rotten Arse mellowed?

Cardinal Richelieu, 1st Chief Minister of the French King in the 1600’s, was nicknamed “Old Rotten Arse” by his jealous peers, making fun of his cantankerous personality as well as his piles “problem”. I always felt that Fergie warrants such a nickname, his perma-pissed-off state surely could only be induced by a harsh case of piles. But now it seems that Sir Alex has realised the benefits of a good soft loo roll over plain sandpaper.

In an interview with Sir “Rotten-Arse” Alex, set to go out this evening on Setanta, TV legend Des Lynam probes the gruff Scotsman, asking him whether he induces trouser-wetting fear anymore. And the answer is no.
Old Rotten Arse said:

“I don’t think there’s the same fear, they treat me more like a great uncle. Some of them can’t believe that I’ve been here for 20 years — Nani is only 19.”

When Des asked him if he had softened, he had to clarify that he didn’t mean stool, in which case Sir Alex said:

“Oh yeah. Maybe not if someone gets my back up, you still go mad. I’ve made this point to Roy. He said to me, you’ve changed and I said you have to change, Roy, otherwise you’ll kill yourself.”

He then went on to talk about fancy wine and helicopters(!):

“I don’t think I’ve changed that much, although some people may say I’ve changed because of wealth and the quality of wine that I drink, but I don’t think that’s down to your personality. You may as well enjoy yourself when you have to enjoy yourself. I took a helicopter down to Peterbor-ough the other day and Mick Phelan [the first-team coach] said I can’t believe it, you used to be the one who used to refuse everybody private planes and helicopters — you’ve changed. I said: ‘Mick, I’m nearly 66′.”

So, like a fine wine, has Sir Rotten Arse mellowed? And if so, could it be because of the fact that he galavants around in Helicopters?

Has Liverpool’s Transfer Summer Set Up A Season Of Success?

Peter takes a look at Liverpool’s transfer dealings so far, and what still needs to happen to see Rafa get his side to the top of the table.

It’s nearly the end of silly season and looking back now, I have to ask myself, am I pleased with Liverpool’s activity in the transfer market. Am I happy with who we’ve signed and am I happy that we’ve done our best in pursuing our number 1 targets?

To his credit, Rafa was very honest after the Champions League final and with the money Hicks and Gillet brought in, along with the extra revenue of selling players and making the Champions League final, he could buy whoever he wanted. He’s always made it clear that whoever the player, he’s not willing to go over his own estimation of that player. We saw this with both Dani Alves and Simao Sabrosa in previous years. With the arrival of Voronin on a free and Rafa’s obvious admiration of Fernando Torres it was always going to be Craig Bellamy out the door first and even though he wasn’t given much of a chance, his shenanigans in Portugal spelt the end of his Liverpool career.

As Torres came, Luis Garcia left which was a real shame because little Luis scored a fair share of goals for us and important ones too. But as was often the case from Luis he went from the sublime to the ridiculous far too often, something which frustrated fans and manager alike. The reason was he was reaching a point in his career that he wanted to be playing more and with Liverpool investing heavily he expected not to feature too much. He wasn’t to know that Atletico were to invest in all of the available attacking midfielders in Europe, snapping up Reyes, Simao and now Riquelme with Maxi Rodriguez and Aguero already at the club.

I’d fancy my chances breaking into a team with Benayoun, Pennant, Babel and Kewell rather than the afformentioned quartet.

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David Dein Returns From The Grave To Buyout Arsenal?

Vote for CaughtOffside as Best Sports Blog.

The BBC are reporting that David Dein has sold his 14.5% stake in Arsenal to a company part owned by Russian fat-cat billionaire Alisher Usmanov, Red & White Holdings; David Dein is to stay involved with the Gunners as Chairman of Red & White Holdings and they have implied that they’d like to gobble up some more shares in the future.

Dein, understandably in chipper mood said:

“I have always had the best interests of Arsenal at heart. I’ve had a love affair with the club since I was six….My ambition remains to play an active role in Arsenal again. My immediate intention is to work with others to provide the financial resources necessary to turn the vision into reality. I firmly believe that the involvement of Red & White with a significant stake and the long-term commitment of Arsene Wenger are absolutely the best outcome for the club, fans and shareholders alike.”

Usmanov has now entered the swirling miasma that is the Arsenal boardroom alongside American suitor, US tycoon Stan Kroenke, this could ratchet up the pressure on the club’s board to relent and give in to a takeover.

Arsenal now have to find out how to accommodate two very successful and very powerful new shareholders, Kroenke and Usmanov. This would be fine if they were all content to share the club and let small share-owners buy more shares and sit around the table and be reasonable - however, the chances of this happening are very, very small. This is a power struggle that is only just beginning.

It’s been clear for a while that Dein wants to be Chairman, and would like a sugar-daddy to work with - he doesn’t care who that is - Kroenke, Ecclestone, Usmanov. As for the current Board, it’s impossible to know what their motivations are. It’s suspected that shareholder Fitzman wants to sell and avoid tax by being non-resident.

The most English-run big club with non-English players could very well soon be bought by non-English owners with an English chairman.

Questions?

Vote for CaughtOffside as Best Sports Blog.

Latest Transfer Rumours: Chelsea, Tottenham, Liverpool, West Ham, Aston Villa, Portsmouth, Manchester United, Arsenal, Wigan, Derby, Sunderland

Sportingo’s Mark Apostolou provides occasional guest coverage of the Premier League transfer window. 

Ricardo Quaresma was a player most British football fans were unaware of before the summer silly season. Now every man, woman and child seems to have an opinion on the Porto and Portugal winger. He was discussed to death in pubs, bars and strip-clubs from Gravesend to Timbuktu - but then he kind of disappeared off the tabloid radar. Now you’ll be glad to know he’s back with a vengeance.

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Arsenal Players Have Awful Technique

Usually Arsenal players are hailed for their ability on the ball and flawless technique, but a recent bit on EuroSport reveals that even that won’t help you embarass your ancestors in the legendary “Crossbar Challenge”.

Taking pot shots from the halfway line, such luminaries as Cesc Fabregas and William Gallas failed to hit the target while Theo Walcott, Senderos and Alexandre Song’s efforts should have seen them sacked immediately by the watching Arsene Wenger. Admittedly some of the club’s most technical players like Tomas Rosicky, Robin van Persie and Thierry Henry Alexandre Hleb were conspicuous by their absence.

One Arsenal player did rise to the challenge - pat on the back for reserve goalkeeper Manuel Almunia!

Why Doesn’t Anyone Like Blackburn Rovers?

Daniel isn’t quite sure why Mark Hughes’ men aren’t getting the fanbase their play seems to deserve.

Please answer me this question: what’s wrong with Blackburn Rovers?

I’m not a Blackburn fan but I think they’re quite an attractive team (steady!) yet last season their average attendance of 21,198 was the lowest in the Premier League as a percentage of the ground’s capacity (Ewood Park was only 68% full on average). In their first home game of this season against Arsenal, the stadium was still only 80% full. Even more criminal is the fact that they reportedly could not sell 8,000 tickets of their 30,900 ticket allocation for their FA Cup semi final with Chelsea at nearby Old Trafford. Why so many empty seats when Blackburn play?

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If You Could Sign One Player From Each Premier League Club, Who Would It Be?

Please vote for CaughtOffside as Best Sports Blog, only takes a minute

The last time we did this, 380 of you participated for what was - at the time - the most comments we’d ever had on a single post. That record has since been smashed a couple times over, but we thought we’d bring it out again as it would’t make much sense after tomorrow.

With the transfer window about to slam shut, most teams still have pressing needs whether through injury or simply not finding the right man yet. Obvious problems like Manchester United’s need for a striker, Tottenham’s need for a left winger, and Derby’s need for the Blessing Of Zeus are just the tip of the iceberg.

So rather than looking abroad, which one player would you poach from each Premier League club to round out your squad until January? You’ll find out who rates who from where, and which of your own players are regarded most highly by other fans.

To make things easier, after the jump is a list of all the Premiership teams for your cut-and-paste enjoyment.

Arsenal -
Aston Villa -
Birmingham -
Blackburn -
Bolton -
Chelsea -
Derby -
Everton -
Fulham -
Liverpool -
Manchester City -
Manchester Utd -
Middlesbrough -
Newcastle Utd -
Portsmouth -
Reading -
Sunderland -
Tottenham -
West Ham -
Wigan -

The Premier League Needs Ailton and Francesco Coco

West Ham, Newcastle and other clubs looking for a last minute transfer should be on alert, Daniel has found a couple of characters well worthy of entertaining us - off the pitch, at least.

Sometimes it can be a struggle to find a football story to write about. But, sometimes a footballer can say something so hilarious that you just have to share it…

At 34, the Brazilian striker, Ailton, does not have much time left to impress as a footballer. Ailton is known to have an eye for the ladies, but he wants the world to know that he will be “totally focused” on football at his new club, MSV Duisburg, in the Bundesliga and therefore made this thoroughly professional statement:

“I’m here without my wife, and I’m all about football. All about football. There will be no more sex for me, no more bumbum. The only orgasm is when I score a goal. Goal bumbum. Ailton is back.”

Who said footballers just recite the same tired old clichés in interviews. Goal bumbum, indeed. Get this guy into the Premier League now.

One man who may be heading to the Premier League this week is Inter’s Francesco Coco, who is tired of the Italian media linking him with bumbum. Having joined AC Milan as a sixteen year old, Coco was expected to be the heir to Paolo Maldini, but it is his extra-curricular activities that have made headlines. Coco had admitted to paying a press photographer not to publish photos of him and a male friend on a boat (presumably they were doing more than just fishing) or photos of him with four naked men. He was also recently attacked by a woman brandishing a knife when he was at home with his girlfriend. (Typical, she finally persuades him to have a quiet night in with her and that happens). Now Coco has had enough and wants out.

“I don’t accept how the papers portray me. I could play like Maradona but it wouldn’t matter: everyone thinks I am a drugged up gay who lives in nightclubs. I need to get away.”

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CaughtOffside Exclusive Part 2: In The Hands Of The Gods Preview

CaughtOffside was invited to a exclusive sneak preview of the upcoming football film In The Hands of the Gods, but unlike Daniel, our man Mr. C found it wasn’t quite his cup of tea.

Having been in the film industry for many years you would think there aren’t many things that would surprise me, but having sat through 106mins of this glorified Nike campaign you must forgive my cynicism when judging this film’s credentials.

On paper we were going to witness the true story of 5 young British freestyle footballer’s journey’ across the Americas to Argentina, in the hope of meeting Diego Maradona; the pioneer of their freestyle art who has always been their hero and inspiration. Unfortunately we ended up receiving a film that was rather disjointed and lacked any real credibility partly due to the shameless plugging of Nike’s products at every opportunity.

“In the hands of the Gods” was set up to pull the heartstrings of filmgoers; 5 lads of differing upbringings who have been bought together by their precocious talent who need the feeling of recognition and achievement that had so far eluded their short lives.

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CaughtOffside Exclusive Part 1: In The Hands Of The Gods Preview

CaughtOffside was invited to a exclusive sneak preview of the upcoming football film In The Hands of the Gods, and Daniel was mighty impressed.

History suggests that football and films do not go hand in hand. ‘Goal’ was better than expected but little more, ‘Bend It Like Beckham’ and ‘Gregory’s Girl’ were right on feminist tales rather than football stories, and Sean Bean’s When Saturday Comes was, well I never actually saw it, but the thought of ‘Ey up, Frodo’ starring for Sheffield United has ‘straight to video’ written all over it. True football fans know the only film of their beloved sport worth its salt is the epic ‘Escape to Victory’. However, even this noble tale lacks something that your average fan can relate to (unless that is you’ve been captured by the Hun, stuck in a POW camp, formed a footy team with Michael Caine, Sly Stallone and a curious mixture of world football stars and Division 1 journeymen and produced a smashing comeback that brought joy to the hearts of the oppressed French – come on, you know who you are). But a new film is about to be released that kicks the realism back into football.

The Hands of the Gods is a documentary that follows the fortunes of five freestyle footballers (i.e. they do tricks more elaborate than a few kick ups) from England in their quest to meet their hero, Diego Maradona. (Yes, being English and idolising the drug-taking, stomach stapling, tax avoiding cheat is a little odd).

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Latest Transfer Rumours: Chelsea, Tottenham, West Ham, Manchester City, Newcastle, Manchester United, Bolton, Fulham, Middlesbrough

Please vote for CaughtOffside as Best Sports Blog, takes two minutes!

The world of Premiership transfer gossip is full of nonsense, but some nonsense is more interesting that the other nonsense. Speculation is rife in the likes of the Mirror, Daily Mail, Times, Sun and… err… Tribal Football all do their best to predict and/or completely make up the future.

Here’s our opinion on the Premiership transfer rumours we’ve read in the papers and around the net… and if you have any thoughts, pop em in the comments.

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Any Everton Fans Still Want David Nugent?

Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp has performed a bloody huge transfer u-turn by admitting that he is ready to listen to offers for his £6million summer signing David Nugent, so that he can bring another striker to Portsmouth. Have I missed something here? Isn’t Nugent a striker? Hmmmm.

With the ink on Nugent’s Pompey contract barely dry, one has to ask the question; just how crap is David Nugent? Has he been falling over his feet in training? Has he got the first touch of a blacksmith? Is this man purporting to be a Premier League standard footballer actually just a Jack Sommersby-esque look-a-like? Only ‘Arry knows the answers to these questions, but one thing is for sure; most Evertonian’s are now dropping to their knees and offering a prayer of thanks to the Moyesiah, who snubbed Nugent even though he had been coquettishly flirting with the Goodison Club all summer long.

Redknapp told Sky Sports News:

“You are always looking to improve your team and it just depends who was available. If someone came up who was a fantastic option and I had to sell somebody, it’s whoever you can sell. You need to raise money sometimes, you have to sell people that you’re not so keen to sell because you want to get somebody else in. It’s no secret Derby would like to buy him (Nugent). His old manager fancies him at Derby, we’ll have to wait and see.Derby have been in and they would like to sign him, they would like him very much. Billy knows him and if David wants to go… if people want to move then you let them go. t’s up to David really, I’ll have a chat with him and see what his plans are.”

It appears that like some sort of tawdry summer fling, ‘Arry has finally come to his senses and realized that Nugent isn’t good enough for him; the question remains though – how much can they get for him if it seems like they’re trying to offload him before he’s even unpacked his suitcase.

Derby are having a sniff around “The Nuge”, but given the former Preston man’s obvious obsession with Everton maybe he simply won’t be happy until he is on the Toffee’s payroll.

But with Yakubu and Johnson already lined up, Nugent may be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Always wanted to use that phrase!

Would Chelsea fans back Mourinho if he refused Ronaldinho?

Chelsea captain John Terry has said that Ronaldinho would be an excellent signing for his team , but that he would have to subscribe to his teams work ethic. Chelsea fans , wuld you take Ronaldinho even if he didn’ defend? The Chelsea captain said:

“It was exciting seeing the link with him and it would be a great acquisition to get a player of that ability in… I’ve played against him, seen what he’s all about, and he’s such a difficult player to mark. He’d give us an option if he does come and it would be great for the Premiership to have a player like Ronaldinho here. He was close to going to Manchester United a few years ago but, for me personally and for everyone at Chelsea, it would be great to have him with us.”

Terry then gave a stark warning to Ronaldinhno and any other Flash Harrys that hungry hippo billionaire Abramovich is considering gobbling up:

“I’d like to think he could fit into the team, though he’d have to learn about the defensive duties expected of everyone…We’ve got wide men going forward but they’ve got defensive responsibilities as well. We’ve seen at times that Jose Mourinho has taken Shaun Wright- Phillips or Joe Cole off because they’ve not been doing their bit at the back. It takes players a month or so to learn that you have to track back and, if you don’t, then you come off. Once you’ve realised that it’s about a team and defending as well, you can attack as well and he can give us something that not many in the world can give us. I suppose if he’s doing what he’s so good at going forward, then perhaps the manager will let him off a little bit at the back, but we’d have to see.”

Would Ronaldinho cope with the patronizing month of crack-training, drilling the worlds best player on the art of defending?

The real question remains though would Chelsea back Mourinho’s stance if he didn’t sign Ronaldinho because he wouldn’t cover Cashley Cole on one of his meandering forays forward, no doubt daydreaming about frittering away his latest pay packet?

Alan Curbishley Has No Idea What Happens At West Ham

Some casual observers of the Premier League will point out that the famed ‘Director of Football’ system, employed by clubs like Tottenham, can create unrest of the manager and DoF are not on the same page regarding players transfers. People can be brought in who the manager doesn’t want, or the manager may not get the people he does ask for.

It is widely accepted that this kind of breakdown makes success difficult.

So it is rather worrying that, responding to speculation about Adriano, Curbs said,

“I don’t know too much about it to be fair,” said Curbishley. “I don’t know if it is talk to stir things up, if you like, we will have to see.

“I just think it is something that has cropped up. Is it speculation or is there something in it? I don’t know.”

Fair enough, could just be those crazy journo’s making up tabloid headline fodder, right? Well, except for the fact that the West Ham official website says

Following speculation in the press West Ham can confirm we are holding talks with Inter Milan over striker Adriano.

The figures that have been quoted in the media are inaccurate as the possible deal is in its early stages and money has not yet been discussed. The club are investigating the possibiity of a loan deal at this stage,

Yes the deal is in its early stages, but surely it would be a good idea to make sure that your manager even agrees that this is the right player for the club before going out and sparking up negotiations? Maybe he was being coy about it to the press to keep the deal under wraps, in which case the club probably shouldn’t broadcast it on their official webpage.

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