The world of Premiership transfer gossip is full of nonsense, but some nonsense is more interesting that the other nonsense. Speculation is rife in the likes of the Mirror, Daily Mail, Times, Sun andâ€¦ errâ€¦ Tribal Football all do their best to predict and/or completely make up the future.
Hereâ€™s our opinion on the Premiership transfer rumours weâ€™ve read in the papers and around the netâ€¦ and if you have any thoughts, pop em in the comments.
Manchester City are set to sign keeper Marco Amelia for Â£5m from Livorno and midfielder Mark Bresciano for Â£3m from Palermo.
CaughtOffside Says: Yup, Sven sure wasn’t lying to our faces when he said he was committed to signing British players. Not at all.
Manchester United defender Gabriel Heinze, who wants to join Liverpool, has been ordered to turn up to training on Monday for showdown talks.
CaughtOffside Says: Showdown talks at training? Surely there are plenty of other times when this could happen. One thing is for sure, Heinze has pissed off Sir Alex which means he shouldn’t bother looking for his dog when he gets home… because its already dead.
Bolton striker El-Hadji Diouf is considering a move to Lyon.
CaughtOffside Says: Sad. Who will spit in our faces next season?
And manager David Moyes has bid Â£11m for Porto midfielder Luis Gonzalez and should tie up Leighton Baines from Wigan for 6 million.
CaughtOffside Says: Everton… spend?? Unless, of course, Everton management know that Porto already rejected a similar amount from Valencia and are just making this “record-breaking bid” to shut up the fans, knowing it will be turned down. But they wouldn’t be that sneaky, would they?
Manager Sam Allardyce says Newcastle will hold out for Â£8m for Kieron Dyer or his move to West Ham is off, the Geordies increased their asking price after initially agreeing a fee of 6 million. Big Sam is upset that the move has fallen apart.
CaughtOffside Says: Well, that’s just terrible transfer work by Newcastle. Suddenly realising they want 2 million more at the last minute? New owner, new manager, same shocking running of a football club.
Aston Villa will spend Â£17m this week on Hearts keeper Craig Gordon and West Brom defender Curtis Davies.
CaughtOffside Says: Not bad, not bad at all. You want a strong spine in your side and Gordon, Davies, Reo-Coker and… um, Marlon Harewood or something, will give them that. The only problem is that Gordon is untested in the Premiership, Davies, and Reo-Coker have just one season under their belt. If they Martin O’Neill can work whatever magic he used to make Emile Heskey play well, Villa will cruise into the top 6.
Sunderland are also chasing Gordon, while they aim to boost their attack with the signing of Tottenham striker Mido in a Â£6m deal.
CaughtOffside Says: More smart moves by Keano. Kieron Richardson is good enough to do some damage to most Premiership defences and Chopra and Mido will get plenty of goals if they can stay healthy. Of course, there is that small matter of the 100% chance that Keane will kill Mido with his bare hands by the end of the season. But hopefully that will be after they’ve collected 40 odd points.
Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho will let unsettled midfielder Lassana Diarra leave the club, but will not sanction a move to rivals Arsenal.
CaughtOffside Says: This one has Spurs written all over it. They’re still in need of a proper (or good) ball winner with quality defensive awareness. They may have 5 odd central midfielders already, but this is Spurs we’re talking about.
Derby are tracking Sheffield United striker Jon Stead and Portsmouth defender Andy O’Brien.
CaughtOffside Says: Cool. Sounds awful.