Prediction Mania: Arsenal, Portsmouth, Aston Villa, Chelsea, Blackburn, Manchester City, Bolton, Everton, Fulham, Tottenham, Liverpool, Derby, Manchester United, Sunderland, Middlesbrough, Birmingham, Newcastle, Wigan
by Dexter on September 22nd, 2007
| 390 words |
Edward looks into his crytal ball, his murky, murky crystal ball.
So here they are, my meticulously crafted predictions for the games being played this weekend, how many of these will actually be wrong? In all probability the whole lot of them, but I don’t mind. As an Evertonian, embarrassment is the badge of all my tribe, here are a couple of samples for you…This summers declaration on the Official Everton Website that we had signed Riquelme, only to be swiftly taken down minutes later….Ooops! Oh and yesterdays double-penalty miss farce against Metalist Kharkiv… Anyway here are the predictions:
Saturday, 22 September 2007
Arsenal v Derby Arsenal to win 3-0
I think Arsenal should win this comfortably, and I would be utterly mad (or a Rams fan) not to predict a 3-0 win.
Fulham v Man City Fulham to win 2-1
I think Man City are overrated, and whilst Fulham are hardly world-beaters, I sense they may take advantage of City’s inability to score more than once.
Liverpool v Birmingham Liverpool to win 2-0
FFS , I’m not going to comment on the team I despise with hatred i normally reserve for indicted war criminals.
Middlesbrough v Sunderland 1-1 Draw
Local games like this are always hard to predict, but I know this, Sunderland have a bloomin good keeper, and Boro are at home, a 1-all draw it is then!
Reading v Wigan Reading to win 2-0
Reading are an impressive side, and at home are particularly belligerent.
Sunday, 23 September 2007
Aston Villa v Everton 1-1 Draw
This is less of a prediction than what I’d be happy with. I can predict that AJ will earn about twelve penalties, and have them all awarded this time, the Referee being comfortable in the knowledge that he’ll “Johhny Wilkinson” them over the bar.
Blackburn v Portsmouth 2-0
To use pundit parlance: A strong Blackburn should be good value at home for a solid 2-0 win.
Bolton v Tottenham Spurs to win 2-1
I think ‘Big’ Martin Jol could bag and gag all three points against ‘Little’ Sam (I hope his nickname wasn’t created during a post match shower) - this could be where Spurs finally turn that mythical corner.
Man Utd v Chelsea Utd to win 2-0
Fergie knows that his rivals are in a perilous, tear stained state right now and he’ll take full advantage.
Newcastle v West Ham Toon to win 1-0
I fancy the Toon to win this one at home.
lol - September 22nd, 2007 at 11:33 am
clearly a man yooo fan
Pete - September 22nd, 2007 at 11:44 am
Reading are dire atm, Fulham over rated, Villa are under rated
Lard Boy - September 22nd, 2007 at 11:46 am
me finks ya mumma ar betta than ya lot fact
Jay - September 22nd, 2007 at 12:04 pm
I can predict that AJ will earn about twelve penalties, and have them all awarded this time, the Referee being comfortable in the knowledge that he’ll “Johhny Wilkinson†them over the bar.
That was hilarious!
Anonymous - September 22nd, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Every single week you spout this shit, your predictions are never even close. GIVE IT UP
Yo momma - September 22nd, 2007 at 12:46 pm
u is shite
Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.
Michael Barrymore has offered Manchester United £1 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 pricks behind him and 67,000 assholes jumping up and down.
Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Alex Ferguson.
Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What’s the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick
Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.
Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.
Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q. What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.
Sir Alex is queuing in his local building society, when a gunman bursts in through the door demanding money. Ferguson attempts to tackle the raider, but gets knocked over…as he falls, his head smashes the counter and Sir Alex is out cold. The robber escapes and the cashier tries to revive Ferguson. After a few minutes he comes round and looks bewildered. His first words are “Where the hell am I?”. The Cashier replies: “don’t worry, its ok, you’re in the Nationwide.” Ferguson replies, “F**k me, is it May already?”
Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Chelsea Fan with a pig?
A: I don’t know, there are some things a pig just won’t do.
Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon?
A: A Problem.
Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: An even bigger problem.
Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: Problem solved
Q: How do you define 144 Chelsea fans
A: Gross Stupidity
Q: Why did Chelsea go on the stock exchange?
A: To prove that crap can float.
Q. Why do Chelsea fans whistle whilst sitting on the toilet?
A. So they know which end to wipe!
I’ve heard that Stamford Park has arguably the best pitch in the Premiership. Well…not entirely suprising considering all the sh*t that has been on there.
Q: What’s the difference between a Chelsea supporter and an Onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up a Chelsea fan!
Q: What do Chelsea keepers and SInger Michael Michael Jackson both have in common?
A: Both wear gloves for no apparent reason.
Fulhamista - September 22nd, 2007 at 3:10 pm
[quote comment=”64460″]clearly a man yooo fan[/quote]
Yeah, Chelsea can of course be heavily fancied at the moment,away against the champions having just replaced their manager with a sock puppet after a 1-1 draw against a bunch of Norwegian plumbers and point-welders nobody’s ever heard ofwith two of their star players injured… You have GOT to be a Utd fan to fancy them for this game
Drewby - September 22nd, 2007 at 3:45 pm
[quote comment=”64544″]u is shite
Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.
Michael Barrymore has offered Manchester United £1 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 pricks behind him and 67,000 assholes jumping up and down.
Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Alex Ferguson.
Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What’s the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick
Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.
Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.
Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q. What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.
Sir Alex is queuing in his local building society, when a gunman bursts in through the door demanding money. Ferguson attempts to tackle the raider, but gets knocked over…as he falls, his head smashes the counter and Sir Alex is out cold. The robber escapes and the cashier tries to revive Ferguson. After a few minutes he comes round and looks bewildered. His first words are “Where the hell am I?”. The Cashier replies: “don’t worry, its ok, you’re in the Nationwide.” Ferguson replies, “F**k me, is it May already?”
Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Chelsea Fan with a pig?
A: I don’t know, there are some things a pig just won’t do.
Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon?
A: A Problem.
Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: An even bigger problem.
Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: Problem solved
Q: How do you define 144 Chelsea fans
A: Gross Stupidity
Q: Why did Chelsea go on the stock exchange?
A: To prove that crap can float.
Q. Why do Chelsea fans whistle whilst sitting on the toilet?
A. So they know which end to wipe!
I’ve heard that Stamford Park has arguably the best pitch in the Premiership. Well…not entirely suprising considering all the sh*t that has been on there.
Q: What’s the difference between a Chelsea supporter and an Onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up a Chelsea fan!
Q: What do Chelsea keepers and SInger Michael Michael Jackson both have in common?
A: Both wear gloves for no apparent reason.[/quote]
hold on, let me try and pick myself up off the floor from laughing so hard…..come on, tell us your real name, its gotta be Richard Prior.
what a fucking dork
Drewby - September 22nd, 2007 at 3:48 pm
as for the predictions….
There is only one possible outcome from the united chelsea game. its got draw written all over it unfortunately. Chelsea will have the “circle the wagons” mentality and i think they will come out playing out of their mind defensivly, so it will be a game of few chances per usual, 1-1 the result. bet your house on it.
Brady better than Ron - September 23rd, 2007 at 9:58 pm
what happens when the opposition crosses halfway at Stamford Bridge?
They score