Everton’s star bald striker Andy Johnson has been approaching manager David Moyes for weeks now, tugging at his trouser leg and looking at him with baleful eyes and the maudlin query: “Please Mister…when I can I go home?”.
The Moyesiah, obviously perturbed by what was clearly a severe case of homesickness, decided to offer him a brand spanking shiny new five year contract which the Toffees supremos think will put the kybosh on any West Ham moves to lure him ‘dahhn sahhrf’. Rumours are rife that Johnson is homesick for life down in London, but this new contract will shut the rumour mongers up, so Moyes hopes. Old Showbiz Queen, and occasional Everton Chairman Bill Kenwright was so delighted that he is considering writing a musical score about the plucky bald speedster. Kenwright said:
“We are absolutely delighted. It is fantastic news for Evertonians. This deal further underlines our commitment to keep our best players at our club. We continue to build for the future and Andrew Johnson is very much part of that future.”
So is Moyes right to increase Johnson’s pocket-money to get rid of any lingering homesickness that AJ had? Or is it time to cut losses on a player who hasn’t really lived up to the goalscoring expectations?