…And when they’re done, they’ll throw some money Barca’s way and bag Deco too, and they might nab Kaka as well. There’s a new sheriff in town folks, and his name is “Big” Phil Scolari, a man with a “big” reputation, “big” plans and bolstered by the “big” money at his disposal, courtesy of his boss “rich” Roman Abramovich.

The Telegraph reckons that first up on the list is Valencia striker David Villa, who was previously being delicately wooed by Arsenal and, for those willing to suspend disbelief - Spurs. They also might have a punt on AC Milan’s Kaka, and then stop off in Barcelona to pick up Deco, before bringing their Magical Mystery Transfer Tour to an end…Is anyone scared of Big and Rich and their crazed spending spree?

The Telegraph, though, thinks that Kaka’s price tag may scare off Chelsea (as hard as that is to believe):

“The 26-year-old, who has a World Player of the Year award to his name, could command £60 million, at which even Roman Abramovich may baulk. Chelsea are also admirers of Fernando Torres, but Liverpool would demand a similar fee for him.

“Half that price could prise Spain’s David Villa from Valencia, hardly bad business for a player who hit a hat-trick in his country’s first game of the European finals. Valencia are reportedly receptive to offers of around £30 million for the striker, to whom Real Madrid, Barcelona and Inter Milan have also all been linked.” (Telegraph)