Spare a thought for Newcastle boss Kevin Keegan. After returning to manage Newcastle last season as replacement for Big Sam Allardyce, you might have expected the Toon boss to have a bit of cash to spend during the transfer window.

But the club is playing hardball, minding the coffers and insisting Keegan shop for youth and potential instead of established class.

You can almost hear Mickey Owen begging for a decent striker to work alongside him. “Why not Peter Crouch?” the diminutive striker might well say. After all, with Liverpool looking to raise funds for the likes of David Silva, Peter Crouch is clearly on his way out Anfield and the two strikers have combined well for England.

But the Toon, who have a tradition of signing big strikers, aren’t in the frame for the lanky one. Instead Crouch is off to the likes of Arsenal/Portsmouth/Spurs.

Nope, all the Geordies have to whet their appetite ahead of the start of the season is the possibility of signing Swiss wünderkind Eren Derdiyok, who reportedly caught the Newcastle manager’s eye during Euro 2008 (Daily Mail).

Yes, whilst everyone else is talking about Russia’s Andrei Arshavin, Toon fans can get all excited about the Swiss forward who, er, did sod all at Euro 2008.

Without serious funds and quality replacement to bolster an ageing, under-performing squad, Kevin Keegan and Newcastle United could well find themselves in a relegation battle.

Realistically, who are Newcastle United going to sign before the start of the new season?