You can unboard your windows and bring the children out of the cellar, because Joey Barton has been denied an early release from Manchester Jail. Didn’t bother reading why, but I’ll assume it’s because he’s an incredibly dangerous nutter. He’s even got his own comic strip at Studs Up.

The Guardian says,

Newcastle have refused to rule out the possibility they will sack the player for gross misconduct, but a club spokesman indicated this latest setback for the troubled midfielder will not have any affect on their decision. “The club have already said they will sit down with Joey and his advisors at the earliest opportunity and that remains the case,” he said. “There is nothing more to add at this stage.”

Surely the club that watched Lee Bowyer and Kieron Dyer beat each other up on the pitch will have learned some sense, and fire Barton out of a cannon to some remote island in Papa New Guinea? We can only hope.