The S*n today reports that David Bentley has come clean about Tottenham’s plight, and is ready to spearhead a resurgence of the craptastic North London cockerels.

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The facts themselves are pretty dire, a worse start hasn’t been had by Spurs since the same year that the Titanic sank - 1912. Although Juande Ramos brought in some big and expensive names, Spurs are rock bottom of the Premier League and have a lower points tally than Derby County did this time last season. Bentley, though, isn’t scared by Tottenham’s frightening lack of form (he isn’t showing his fear to The S*n at any rate) and said:

“I know people are having a laugh at the fact we are bottom of the league at the moment. But it’s up to everyone at the club to stop the jokes.

“We have more than enough good players at Tottenham to get us out of this situation and I give my word that we will.”

“We’re not happy with what has been happening.

“You cannot hide from the situation. But what we need are a team of leaders who take responsibility. We have to grow as people.” (The S*n)

Fret not Tottenham fans, David Bentley has given “his word” that Spurs will pull their socks up and extricate themselves from this mess - that’ll fix everything, surely?

Why not continue to riff on Tottenham’s abysmal start to the season at the COS Forum!?