Oh Sweet Baby Jesus!

Cristiano Ronaldo, the 130 million dollar man, enjoying the LA nightlife with a visit to the My House lounge

One is an over-sexed fame hungry whore who will do anything for attention, and the other is Paris Hilton.

In news that will surprise absolutely no one, Cristiano Ronaldo celebrated his transfer to Real Madrid in the company of one of America’s biggest waste of blood and organs.

By means of an incredible coincidence which could not have been pre-arranged, the Portuguese man-o-sex chanced upon the blonde heiress at Hollywood nightclub My House, where the tricky winger spent around £15,000 on drinks. Always one to slay the dragon named dignity, Miss Hilton draped herself over the him for the rest of the evening, allowing her black dress to ride up somewhere near her armpits. (The Spoiler)

To see pics and vids of the two together CLICK HERE!

Imagine your worst nightmare… times it by 1000 and your still not close to the revulsion that this couple seems to inspire from the right minded public. It just beggars belief that this union has been created. It’s like The Omen meets Don’t Look Now in it’s sheer scariness. I can honestly say that if I were to enter a room where these two egotistical giants collided and I had one bullet I would have no choice but to blow my brains out.

Cristiano Ronaldo is a supremely talented footballer of that there is no denying, but what is also beyond reproach is the gleaming truth that the Portuguese man appears to have all the charm and charisma of a squashed cockroach. I have never met the man yet I feel confident enough to state that I would never ever want to!

I know I am not alone in my sincere hope that the soon to be former Man United man’s move to Real Madrid really does end horrifically.

As for Paris Hilton, Jesus where do I start? She is the ultimate creation of a world in which celebrity is achieved simply for being a talentless waste of space.

At least we can safely say that neither was drawn to each other for their massive bank balance. I wait with cringeful baited breath for the first pictures of the American heiress at the Bernabeu looking on as her ‘man’ falls to the floor and the merest mention of a perfectly timed challenge.