Top Ten Most Unfashionable Premier League Players
by Mr Neutral on October 8th, 2009 699 words | 20 commentsLiverpool, Tottenham and Manchester United players make this list of professionals who could have easily stepped out of a time warp in the style of Life on Mars
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The players who have belied the Premier League glitz and glamour ethos in favour of good old fashioned blood, sweat and tears. These ten are just the kind you need for those long trips to rain soaked locations and bobbly pitches. It is important to recognise that being ‘unfashionable’ doesn’t necessarily imply ‘not good enough’ although in one or two cases that is indeed what is meant.
John O’Shea (Man United)
For many years people have been baffled by this Irishman’s continued presence in the Old Trafford first team picture. Onlookers have misjudged the multi purpose player and his apparent lack of ability. Yes he does sometimes opt to lump the ball in the stands instead of playing the ball out in a cultured manner, but he is actually a damn effective player and one who Sir Alex values highly.
Kevin Davies (Bolton)
The human battering ram. Consistently named the player who concedes the most fouls but also comes in for a far amount of ill treatment from defenders and referees alike. Has resolved the main problem area of his game, namely lack of goals, in recent seasons. The Bolton forward is crucial to the club’s continued presence in the top tier.
Peter Crouch (Tottenham)
Being lanky, gangly and altogether scary looking have made some feel that he has little to offer the modern game. They are wrong. There is a reason that the 28 year old has been sold for the princely sum of £33m in his career thus far.
Dirk Kuyt (Liverpool)
When he first arrived in the Premier League he somewhat failed to deliver as a hotshot striker and was in danger of losing his place in the starting eleven at Anfield. Rafa then pulled something of a masterstroke by reinventing the Dutchman as a right winger, its been a huge success but many still, again wrongly, feel that Dirk is still not very good.
Carlton Cole (West Ham)
He may now finally be getting the plaudits he deserves but there are still many who feel the striker lacks real quality and that he is merely a cumbersome forward who doesn’t score nearly enough. The former Chelsea man has been in great form at Upton Park for the best part of 18 months and is beginning to prove that he is worthy of the attentions of Mr. Capello.
Titus Bramble (Wigan)
Much maligned centre back who has improved immeasurably. No nonsense defender who may occasionally play the game as though he has never seen a football before, a truly unfashionable player who in fairness is not half as bad as many have made him out to be.
Brian Jensen (Burnley)
The ‘Beast’ is an uncompromising keeper who never shirks a challenge. A real throwback to the days when a goalie was expected to be clinically insane to do his job effectively. The most likely custodian to do a ‘Bert Trautmann’ and break his neck and continue playing regardless.
Emile Heskey (Aston Villa)
The type of forward who were ten to a penny in the old days, Heskey puts it about (albeit falls to the floor with alarming ease, although not to Drogba lengths) the England international has managed to forge out a long career in the Premier League whilst onlookers question just how he manages to do so.
Martin Skrtel (Liverpool)
The type of footballer who everyone wants on their team and no striker wants to come up against, Skrtel will take the ball and the man, rather than just the ball just to make a point to the opposition. A straightforward unspectacular centre back just like they used to make them before the Premier League came along.
Kevin Kilbane (Hull City)
These days they make wingers and full backs who can bomb down the wing and throw a trick or two in the direction of the opposing player, Irishman Kilbane is truly a throwback to the days when the most important thing was the ability to consistently put in a good cross. Now at Hull City, he is still capable of occasionally looking competent.
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isaac hunt - October 8th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
i would like to be a striker playing skrtel at the moment!
anonymous - October 8th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
i do think that lucus should top the bill here…
As a unbiased arsenal supporter, i feel that lucus comes under so much stick… i have 3 older liverpool supporting brothers who really lay into him… they blame him so much that when either ones does something stupid or wrong the others say “you have really lucused that up”…
now the guy is what 22 years old and he has to fill in the place for xabi alonso, he will never be that type of player what really makes me laugh is only a few seasons ppl were really laying into kuyt and now when you ask a liverpool fan they love him and its all he works his heart out for us, but i see that in lucus, he will never be a gerrard, alonso, iniesta, fabregas mould but he he runs down all the balls and plays his heart out where there were times xabi would flip in and out of games… i would esaily swap diaby for lucus… and i would love to see him at arsenal as that is exactly what we need some one with a little bit of heart playing for the team…
anonymous - October 8th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
skrtel doesnt get wet, water gets skrteled!!
he doesnt sleep, he waits
he eats nails for breakfast
lvslfc12
anonymous - October 8th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
I agree with the comment about Lucas…sorta. I’m a Liverpool supporter too!! He may not be the best, but he certainly is an improved player from last year and one that gets blamed for a lot of things that aren’t his fault or all that bad.
anonymous - October 8th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
actually some say that skrtel was not born of womans womb, he was found on the side of a slovakian mountaing partially embedded, on a full moon. It took 23 men to chisel him out.. hence the reason that a three goats and a chicken are sacrificed on that same day every year… spooky eh??
anonymous - October 8th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
isaac hunt you got a missis mate becoz i don’t like being in the stadium when skrtel is playing the guy must be the most scariest defender ever
anonymous - October 8th, 2009 at 7:20 pm
skrtel the love child of julian dicks and tommy smith
anonymous - October 8th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
i hear that when he was young skrtels dad didn’t use a hammer to mend his fence but skrtels face…. the guys a animal
anonymous - October 8th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
skertl looks like a scouse smack ed
anonymous - October 8th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
skertl is a scouse smack head
anonymous - October 8th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
in the book of revelations chapter 5 verse 54, it states:
“go do thy bidding he of granite face and slovakian blood… saveth the premiership from the evil there lies manchesteth unitited…man shall noweth thee as skrtel, of the john houldings legacy”….
saif - October 8th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
legendary post
anonymous - October 9th, 2009 at 8:52 am
Never mind Skrtel is this and skrtel is that and he’s rock hard etc etc etc etc etc the fact remains he is crap at football as is Lucas as is Goonie face Kuyt.
isaac hunt - October 9th, 2009 at 11:23 am
dirk kuyt wherever you may be
you hit evey branch on the ugly tree
but it could be worse
you could be a mank begging your sister for a wank
anonymous - October 9th, 2009 at 11:36 am
god wasn’t mad at eve for eating the apple, he was mad because the apple belonged to skrtel
anonymous - October 11th, 2009 at 2:08 am
anonymous – October 8th, 2009 at 6:59 pm, hahahahaha
Skrtel is a legend, gotta agree that it should be lucas on the list not skrtel. Skrtel is loved by us LFC fans, and i reckon he’d get a game at 95% prem teams at the moment(well, current form a bit ropey but ya know what i mean). Surely that makes him “fashionable”, on the other hand, half of all LFC fans dislike lucas, and 95% prem teams wouldnt give him a game.
Retryboy - October 11th, 2009 at 3:35 am
Lucas wouldn’t get all the stick if he was used like his abilities merit as a squad player not a first team regular the more obvious it becomes to every liverpool fan he aint good enough and we have better players he is keeping out of the team the more stubborn rafa gets in wanting to prove every1 else wrong
anonymous - October 12th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
in slovakia, children gather round a camp fire to tell the old story of the skrtel the beast that once walked amongst them….. he was not of this earth…
They say he shall return one day, with his arms aloft on top of a mountain.. In his arms will be the premiership cup… then his hunger will subside….till next season…
anonymous - October 12th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
a wise man once said, “do or do not. There is not maybe”…
i feel Lucus has grown like the proverbial first flower of the spring, yet the fans shoiudl support his growth and not devalue his worth… he is a liverpool player and wears the red…
Retryboy - October 12th, 2009 at 11:49 pm
…Unfortunately