Four years of anxious waiting can still not counteract this collection of irritations
Before I begin I should stress that I could not be more excited about the upcoming World Cup even If I was there in person enjoying every single game (anyone wishing to offer me or anyone at COS free tickets please feel free to do so). I am the sad case who will watch every single game regardless of who is playing. I am the man, possibly the only man, who woke up at 3am to watch China vs Costa Rica in 2002, a match I greatly enjoyed, even the 10 plus minutes of injury time.
However there will be things that will anger and annoy some, if not all, of those joyously placing their World Cup Wall charts to their office walls. Here are ten to tick off as and when they occur.
One) England Will Not Win.
There I said it, we have become a nation of chokers, at least at international football level, and I think by stating we won’t win might just help turn twisty mad hand of fate back in our favour. Plus I don’t think we are good enough.
Two) Host Nation South Africa to Have Some Dodgy Decisions Go There Way.
Its part and parcel of the game. Look at some of the shocking decisions that went South Korea’s way back in 2002. It won’t help South Africa though because they are perhaps the worst host nation in World Cup history. We are talking about a team that is ranked 90th in the world, a full ten places behind the mighty Malawi, need I say more?
Three) There Will Almost Certainly Be a Wedding You HAVE to attend exactly when New Zealand take on Paraguay!
Those uncaring bastards! Don’t they know its a game you have been gearing yourself up for years. But seriously. Anyone planning any big occasions during the World Cup period have got a screw loose. Just wait until after July 11th or perhaps postpone to next summer when nothing of any interest is happening. However in this day and age you could always sit at the back of the church with your Iphone, I am sure everyone would understand.
Four) A Commentator Will Remark on the Annoying Noises those Vuvuzela things Make!
If you have ever been in the near vicinity of these annoying horn shaped noise making machines then I pity you. No self respecting football fan would be seen dead with one and I can guarantee that the South African World Cup organizers will ship them out to as many fans as possible so as to create the illusion that some not so well attended matches appear to have an ‘atmosphere’.
Five) Someone Will be Murdered for Playing their Vuvuzela Too Loudly and For Far Too Long!
I wish I was joking
Six) Someone With No Interest In Football Whatsoever Will Make an Ill Informed Remark Whilst In a Crowded Pub!
You can’t blame people for being interested in the World Cup even though they have little or no interest in the game of football itself. You will find yourself irritated by the ill informed comment which is bound to include jargon that has no place in a football based conversation. Because you are British you will not correct the person talking to you, you will simply nod, smile and move away from said individual.
Seven) A Cheeky Cameraman Will Linger a Little Too Long On a Scantily Clad Female Italian Fan
Eight) Diego Maradona Will Do Something Crazy!
The Argentine manager has had more than his fair share of controversy both as a player and manager. His insane ranting following qualification for the finals being perhaps the most insane of all. For your entertainment we have placed a video of this very incident below. Either Diego will make some crazed substitution or make a left field comment or two. Either way expect a plethora of cameras to be aimed in the direction of the chubby former playing legend.
Nine) A Commentator Will Use the Words Teutonic, Efficient and German In the Same Sentence.
There is no human being more predictable than a football commentator. Fact. When all else fails and there is nothing of interest to say, they can always fall back on some Clichéd stereotypical remark. Commending Germans on their efficient and Teutonic manner will be one of the first pointless pseudo-bigoted remarks.
Ten) The Opening Ceremony Will be Boring.
Sorry. Don’t mean to be a party pooper but no one enjoys the opening ceremonies, they just get in the way of the main act, i.e. the football match that everyone wants to watch. Now given that the first game of this World Cup pits the not so mighty South Africa against a very average Mexico side, you could argue that on this occasion the opening ceremony may be more entertaining, but I doubt it.
Eleven) We Will Have to Wait Another Four Years for Another Spectacular!
We have to wait another four years for the fun to begin all over again. Couldn’t we just scrap the European Championships and make it once every two years? Perhaps if I write a letter to Sepp Blatter (with paper bag full of euros of course) then he may just be crazy enough to consider it?