“Psst, wanna join me at Barca”. Emirates skipper safe from Nou Camp advances….or maybe not!
In an interesting turn of events Barcelona have decided to try a bit of reverse psychology rather than attempt to once again unsettle the Emirates captain. It appears the Nou Camp outfit has tired of using their local newspapers to engineer stories and gotten bored of telling their players to en masse repeat the following mantra to anyone with a mic “Cesc would love it here”. Now Barca boss Pepe Guardiola and his puppet master Juan Laporta have released this official statement, one that will surprise many.
Dear Associated Press (all the red tops, those really big papers, and those websites that appear to print everything we wish them to) and Arsenal Football Club.
We have decided we don’t actually want Cesc Fabregas after all. We used to but now we don’t. Yes he is a good player but we have decided to give up our daily attempts to unsettle our former pup and settle for the awesome, that’s right Madristas who may be reading this, AWESOME squad we already have.
Did you read we did the treble the season before last and we still beat those guys from the Bernabeu to another La Liga title this time around. They even bought Ronaldo and Kaka and still they couldn’t cope with how good we are. Anyway we digress. We would like to apologise to Mr. Wenger for our repeated attempts to lure Cesc (or Little Cesc as we used to call him when he was ours and not yours) but we have decided enough is enough.
Even if you now lowered your asking price to a paltry £30m we would still refuse. Even if you said we could have him and Emmanuel Eboue on top for nothing, we would still say no. We signed David Villa, did you hear, and he can play in central midfield anyway, at least thats what Valencia told us.
We know that our behaviour of late has resembled that of a crazed bunny boiling stalker and this was not out intention. I think we just got a bit carried away. We saw old pictures of Little Cesc in one of our shirts and we got, how do you say, nostalgic? You can hardly blame us though can you? He’s a damn good player, remember we helped make him that way, does he still eat his toast by taking the crusts off first (he used to do that as a kid).
We apologise for bothering your great club and will not attempt to buy one of your players ever again. We have learned the error of our ways
Anyway sorry to have bothered you and as always ABC (Anyone But Chelsea).
Yours sincerely Juan Laporta and Pepe Guardiola
P.S – You’ve got our number/email/fax/pager/carrier pigeon so if you want to do business lets talk.