This weeks Offside View comes up with the perfect way to get over the daily World Cup fix!
Having had to wean ourselves from the highly addictive drug that was the World Cup then its only natural football supporters will need something to help them through cold turkey.
Something to aid the mild panic attacks when we realise it’s all over and there’s no competitive football for a while and subsequently no reason to crack open a beer at 12.30pm.
The weather has appropriately changed to gloomy as if to reflect our feelings and the colourful flag bunting outside the pubs has now been drenched with summer rain. The soaked colours of North Korea running into South Korea being about the most football related excitement we can expect in the beer garden for some time.
So what’s going to be the Methadone? We need a new football fixation and seeing as pre season friendlies are about as enthralling as Jim Beglin’s commentary, they certainly won’t do the trick.
Indeed, if you do find yourself up at 1am watching your team play in some far flung football outpost this weekend then it’s time to pray for help. Just hope those prayers aren’t returned by Gazza turning up with fried chicken and a fishing rod.
So, with all the eagerness of a five year old after several tubes of Smarties, football supporters will now throw themselves into the serious business that is transfer speculation.
Players will be talked up to several times their realistic market value. Other players will be confined to the scrapheap for a couple of bad performances.
Management decisions will be questioned and every man, woman and child will be tempted to publish their favourite XI for next year. All favourite XI’s must contain at least 6 new signings and a total change in formation, anything less shows a total lack of dedication and a rationality that just isn’t appropriate during these times.
People who have never watched a French league game in their life (who would?), will tell others that several players simply must be bought.
17 year olds in Brazil and Argentina will be earmarked as the next Pele, Maradona or Messi or indeed a combination of the three rolled into one. If you’re a winger in the Portuguese league then you have enough in common with Ronaldo to be considered his rightful heir.
The whole Ghana team will one by one be linked with every Premier League club.
Major tools in the process of this worldwide scouting mission will include YouTube, Football Manager and any rumour picked up by Sky Sports will be deemed to be a fact.
Not to forget the stats providers like ESPN and OPTA, with these tools why do we even bother to watch football anymore? Our eyes are liars, stats are facts.
The appearance of the distant relative of a footballer at any airport worldwide will mean a transfer to the local club. Any English player on holiday in Marbella who dares to say Gracias when their Pina Colada arrives will of course have become fluent in Spanish ahead of the inevitable move to Madrid or Barcelona.
So welcome to the silly season, when the more outlandish the rumour is, the more likely people will believe it.