Because being a world famous psychic octopus is just too damn easy!
After achieving a 100% record during the World Cup this cephalopod is looking for a new career, here are some viable options.
TV is the new Hollywood. These days A-List actors are opting for a career in TV and it seems that Paul the Octopus could use his celebrity status to do likewise. A thriller that sees the eight tentacled freak as a psychic solving underwater crimes could be a real big hit. Think Millennium meets Jaws. Surefire success… probably.
Poker dealer in Vegas
Forget his psychic abilities, lets make use of his every limb. Paul could take Vegas by storm, dealing at multiple tables all at the same time. Clearly his incredible brain power may come in handy as he could surely win big at the Roulette wheel!
Those tentacles could come in handy at Safeway or Wal-Mart? Sure it may be seen as a backward step in employment terms but perhaps Paul would appreciate the anonymity that comes with working in a supermarket. “Make sure he double bags, Last time your man didn’t double-bag and the bottom near came out.”
BP Oil Spill Liaison Officer
Being a sea creature Paul would be damn handy at passing the message onto his fellow aquatic friends. He could be placed just off the Gulf coast and handily guide all the fish and all other marine animals well clear of the danger zone. He could become the kinder face of British Petroleum. A mascot? Of course such a move would bring him right back into the spotlight, plus it’s clearly something of a dangerous job and he may not be able to communicate his message to anything other than his fellow Octopi.
Middle East Peace Envoy
If we are ever to reach agreement on a two state solution then surely it can only become a reality if Paul intercedes. Who can resist the charms of such a renowned celebrity octopus. All Barack Obama needs to do is get Benjamin Netanyahu and Mahmoud Abbas on either side of table that also hosts Paul the Octopus who will iron out and smooth out and potential sticking points in a peace deal.
Larry King Replacement
With Larry King set to leave his post after 25 long long years a new host is needed and even though super slimy Piers Morgan is in the running perhaps its time for an Octopus style replacement? People open up to Paul he can see into their deep subconscious, plus he’s a mean juggler. Sure to be a cheaper alternative than most, he would be willing to work for assorted shellfish.
Can you imagine how hard it would be to subdue and shackle a Basketball player with eight arms? Yes, it would be very difficult. With the Cleveland Cavaliers losing Lebron James to the Miami Heat there could be a spot at the Quicken Loans Arena. He could of course double up on any success by making some sneaky spreadbets on his own points total!
Its the job Paul was born to do, but clearly not as high profile as his other potential forms of employment. Place him at a busy intersection, explain the intricacies of traffic management and leave him be. With the ability to form the hand gestures of four human beings he is ideally suited to such a position and will soon have that traffic jam remedied.
These are of course just eight ways that Paul can move on from his stint as world famous psychic, anyone got any other bright ideas?