SHOCK NEWS: Manchester United Boss DID do BBC Interview (Full Transcript)

This weeks Offside View digs out the interview with the Old Trafford boss THEY did not want you to see!

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SHOCK NEWS! – FERGUSON DID DO BBC INTERVIEW

Contrary to what many people believe, Sir Alex Ferguson did provide the BBC with an interview after the Fulham game.

It was the BBC’s choice not to use it. Anyway, after several bribes and having called in a few favours, we’ve managed to get our hands on the transcript.

This is it:

Sir Alex, what do you have to say about today’s game, is it two points dropped?

Well, it depends which way you look at it. There are many schools of thought on these kinds of things and it does always depend on perspective and which one a person chooses to take in life. You may be able to learn more about this by reading the works of Sigmund Freud, a writer I became familiar with during the time Roy Keane was with us.

Er, right, ok. Thanks for that Alex but do you think Nani was right to take the penalty?

In the wild when a lion cub has reached maturity he faces a decision of when he must leave the pride and stand alone. He may feel comfortable within the family environment and be happy to let others do all the hunting for him. However there will come a day when the cub must become a lion and strike out with confidence. If you’re interested in this kind of thing, as you appear to be, then may I recommend the works of Richard Attenborough.

Erm, Sir Alex, do you feel you missed Wayne Rooney today?

In my youth we used to holiday in the Scottish highlands and islands and once I met a young girl. Ah, she was a pretty wee thing with golden locks and piercing blue eyes. However I was young and not ready for that kind of thing so by the end of week 2 was bored of her to be honest. When I returned home, she wrote to me and the feeling of not being able to see her made my emotions grow and I think this fostered feelings far stronger than initially existed. I didn’t appreciate her enough when I had her but when she was not available my feelings were exaggerated the other way so I never really knew how I felt.

Sir Alex, what do you make of the fact that Chelsea have scored 12 goals in the last 2 games?

There is a man who lives near me who shares my love for apple trees. He has a very large tree on his front lawn which has many many apples, he is obviously very proud of this. However the type of tree he has is a common British variety which is incredibly easy to harvest fruit from and the fruit comes early in the season. In my garden I have much more rare trees, which although may not grow fruit as fast and plentiful as his, will taste much better and eventually be sweeping the rosettes at all competitions. If you give me your address I am quite happy to send you some samples.

That’s very kind Sir Alex. Will you be looking to add to your squad before the transfer deadline?

My wife, Cathy, has long been a fine maker of stews and pies from several kinds of meat. These have always been magnificent. However, and I hope she won’t be listening, occasionally she gets carried away at Waitrose and comes back with all kinds of things to put into it. Strange things like butternut squash, celeriac and sweet potato. I don’t like these things and it spoils the balance of the meal. I’m a big fan of red cabbage and some vegetables can react badly with it which ruins the whole thing.

Thank you Sir Alex, that will be all.

Are you sure young man? I thought we were having a very productive interview. I look forward to speaking to you after the West Ham game.

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