St James’ Park have a new manager and he is going to have a tough time convincing the supporters of his worth. Here are a few ways he can win over the masses.
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Mike Ashley claimed that Chris Hughton did not have enough Premier League experience to continue in this post and then turned to the obvious choice…Alan Pardew. A decision that simply angered the small fraction of Newcastle’s support who didn’t already hate him with every fibre of their being.
These next ten suggestions may make Mr. Pardew’s five and a half years at St James’ Park more bearable, especially points 2 & 10.
One) Admit that his appointment makes little or no sense but that you will try your best to not screw it all up.
Two) Punch Mike Ashley
Three) Appoint Kevin Keegan as your assistant
Four) Get a permanent tattoo of the Newcastle Kit across your torso in much the same manner as this guy did with his favourite club.
Five) Win something….anything will do
Six) In a manner not unlike Steve McClaren In his Dutch days, speak in a stereotypical geordie accent and then branch off into a Dick Van Dyke-esque Cockney twang
Seven) Where a shirt with the text “At least it wasn’t Alan Curbishley”.
Eight) Prevent any of your top players from leaving and then make Mike Ashley put his fat hands in his thin pockets.
Nine) Appoint Chris Hughton as your assistant and then resign.
Ten) Kick Mike Ashley
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