Lazy punditry from the former Tottenham man.
One thing that sets Garth Crooks apart from post pundits is his eccentricity and his downright weird Premier League team of the week selections for BBC Sport.
But he’s certainly resorted to cliche in his attack on Chelsea midfielder Tiemoue Bakayoko this week – spewing the kind of nonsense about his haircut that the likes of Paul Merson, Tim Sherwood and other members of the Proper Football Man Brigade™ would be proud of.
Writing in this week’s BBC column, Crooks went for the jugular with an easy attack on Bakayoko for the ultimate ‘yer da’ crime of grooming oneself.
The France international had the sheer cheek and audacity to dye his hair blue after scoring his first goal for the club in the recent defeat at Crystal Palace, as he’d vowed to do when getting off the mark for the west Londoners.
Crooks, foaming from the mouth, said: ‘I just wish the Chelsea captain (Cesar Azpilicueta) would tell Tiemoue Bakayoko to come to work suitably turned out.
‘The time and effort it must take the Frenchman to manicure and dye his hair – it was blue this week, and I dread to think what colour it will be next week – could be far better spent either on the training pitch or perfecting his English.’
An appeal to the glory days of traditional masculinity, a subtle xenophobic attack on the foreigner not bothering to learn the language (with no evidence, naturally) – fair play to Crooks, he’s managed to squeeze the lot in.
Since it fills Crooks with actual ‘dread’ to think what colour Bakayoko will dye his hair next week, we hope the former Monaco man really twists the knife in and tries pink. The reaction would be marvelous.