Richard Keys Insults Liverpool Fans Live On-Air Over Heysel Disaster

March 30th, 2011

Talksport presenter accuses Anfield fans of causing Heysel Stadium tragedy by looking for revenge.

Read more…

Sky Sports loudmouth reckons Tottenham’s transfers won’t m...

August 6th, 2008

Sky Sports pundit Andy Gray has never been one to hide his feelings and opinions on the game of football. So his recent thoughts on Tottenham’s summer spending are sure to make the North London faithful feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Read more…

Why Andy Gray could ruin my Carling Cup Final!

February 19th, 2008

An English Cup Final – Ok not THE English cup final but one all the same . . .

For the first time in about 4 years I am interested. It’s not the usual suspects, it’s actually a game with more than a sense of rivalry, two teams that like to playing ‘pretty’ football and a team in Spurs that deserve greater reward for their football in the last 2 years than they will ever receive from the average Arsenal fan . . .

However one thing can ruin all of this – Andy Gray. He is the most anti (any club out of the top 4 commentator in the history of the game). And not only do we the English tax payer give his homeland better pay for teachers, police and nurses – but we also get inflicted by him through one of our stealth taxes (SKY) with his constant drone and sarcasm towards teams that are not Man U, Chelsea, Arsenal or Liverpool. Bets are closed on who Andy would like to win!

On Carling Cup Final Day, I will mostly be having a chicken roast and a nice comfortable seat in front of the television. I hope Andy loses his voice and is replaced by someone who does not like the sound of his. Then whatever the result we can appreciate the football and not the person – yes Andy football is bigger then you? May the best team win and may it be a truly fantastic affair (oh Andy your good at those too!)

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Man City manager wants fast transfer deals

January 15th, 2008

Manchester City are undergoing a sort of meltdown of late. They have won just 1 of their last 6 matches in the English Premier League and manager Sven-Goran Eriksson is more than just eager to sign in a number of players during the January transfer period.

Goal.com quotes the former England coach speaking to the Daily Mirror about how he wants to make the signings quick. Eriksson appears to be a sort of hurry to flux in the players that he wants. After all, Man City are chasing a UEFA Champions League spot this season and the former Lazio manager would want his new player to settle in as quickly as possible.

City have been linked to a number of players, most of them playing their trade in mainland Europe. Eriksson is guaranteed of £10 million and it is expected that the Swede spends the money on key players.

Cristiano Ronaldo: World’s Best Player? You’re Having A L...

March 14th, 2007

Ryan isn’t convinced the Premiership’s most creepily well-groomed player is worthy of the hype (yet).

Saturday’s replay-salvaging penalty against Middlesboro saw the much-vaunted Portuguese winger score his 17th goal in all competitions in this his annus mirabilis. He’s having the season of his young career, and the propaganda machine at the self-styled ‘Theatre of Dreams’ has been wheeled out to laud him as “the best player in the World” relentlessly over the last few weeks.

A cynic might suggest that they’re trying to trump up his market valuation should the indecisive winger opt to ‘do one’ over the summer. A United fan on the other hand would only be too willing to remind us all that there’s another 10-15 games left in the season for them, which could lead to his already-impressive stats finishing up as glorified cricket scores.

That’s the problem with him, and United specifically; contrived nonsense interchanges with actual fact so often it’s hard to make out the wood for the trees. Here’s what we definitely know about him…

• 174 games for Manchester United, 43 goals. Approximately 1 goal every 4 games.
• 27 European Games, not one goal. In 4 years of Champions League football, he’s yet to score. Roy Keane had 14 for United.
• 26 League games this season, 16 goals.
• Of his 16 goals, not one has come against Liverpool, Chelsea or Arsenal
• In fact, he’s never scored a goal against Liverpool or Chelsea in his career
• 14 International goals, of which only 1 came at the World Cup. Against the mighty Iran. From a penalty.
• He dives.

So, he’s scored 16 goals this season (the only time he’s ever done so in his career), all of which have come against opposition outside of the Top four. He hasn’t managed one goal in the Champions League, he’s come off the back of a less-than-impressive World Cup, hasn’t won a trophy for two years, but he’s still the “best player in the World”.

Right.

Read more…

Andy Gray Strongly Disagrees With Andy Gray

October 7th, 2006

Boggs continues his vendetta against the man only known as “Britain’s Best Football Pundit”.

Sometimes, it’s tough to find a reason to hate Andy Gray. But 219% of the time, it’s no problem at all. This is one of those times.

Usually I focus on his primary school analysis of football tactics or famous Premiership weekend previews, or reviews, where he reads BBC match summaries out loud and passes them off as cutting insight. But as it’s an international break we’re spared such Grayisms as “Chelsea scored twice, which was good” and “West Ham beat Liverpool”, so Pardew will be happy but Benitez will be sad”.

But, of course, Andy Gray the Scot has had plenty to say about England’s prospects in this week’s Euro qualifiers.

I should point out first that Andy Gray appears to be picking up two paychecks for the price of one. His latest feature under the guise of “Britain’s Best Football Pundit” on F365 focuses on England’s potential use of 3-5-2 against Macedonia. Gray also has a column with Sky Sports, and this week chose to talk about…England’s potential use of 3-5-2 against Macedonia.

There are a couple of problems with this:

1) Gray gets two massive paychecks for the same work. Both of which are undeserved.
2) For some reason the two articles, and Gray’s opinion within them, are different.

An example?

Gray’s F365 column is titled “Why England’s 3-5-2 Formation Is A Mistake”.

His Sky Sports says “I’m not anti 3-5-2…” and “Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with trying it…”.

Fantastic. Not only is Gray a highly paid “pundit” whose opinions rival those of of a three-legged dog, but he can’t even stick to the same story when writing two articles about the same subject in the space of a week.

Now if you excuse me, I’m off to beat up some hobos.

He’s Gone And Done It Again

September 25th, 2006

Boggs emerges from the depths of despair to fling a few handfuls of his own feces at everyone’s favourite football pundit.

I’ve been slacking, I admit. My promise to myself to react to every piece of “opinion” spewing from a certain ex-footballers mouth fell down at the third hurdle. Luckily, and predictably, I didn’t miss much.

After reading through such quality articles as “It’s A Proud Time To Be A Scot” and “I Can’t Wait For This Sunday“, I’ve come to realise that the contents of Andy “Britain’s Best Football Pundit” Gray’s column really reads more like that of his nighttime diary entries.

Gray’s latest collection of personal thoughts, “Men In Suits Should Hold Fire For Now” could easily apply to his own precarious situation as a man who should really be driving a van masking as a football expert.

Regardless, Andy’s basic point this time is that managers shouldn’t be sacked after five or six matches. Thanks for that.

Throwing out Manchester City’s Stuart Pearce, Newcastle’s Glen Roeder and West Ham’s Alan Pardew as the bosses under threat, Grey’s point that firing a manager a few matches into a season might not be a good idea is certainly right up there with other Grayism’s as “Chelsea are good” and “Liverpool are underachieving”.

And that’s it. I wish I had more opinion on the matter, but neither did Andy.

The Best Bits From August

August 30th, 2006

It’s been a long and painful month. The new season started with plenty of disappointment for everyone as only Manchester United has taken maximum points. The Premiership transfer window is closing with most supporters still salivating at the mouth for more players, and we’ve got a soon-to-be-classic International match ahead when England meet Andorra.

So as September (the ‘Devil’s Month’) rolls around, here’s a look back at some of CaughtOffside’s best bits from August:

- CaughtOffside gets Chelsea’s Andrei Shevchenko to expose Harry Redknapp as a liar at the Reebok press event in London. Well…’reveal’ may not be as accurate as ‘confirm for the 900th time’. Video of his answer here.

- Tottenham and Fulham’s Jimmy “Melting Face” Bullard are the early front runners, but who else will we laugh at this season?

- Steven Gerrard is a dirty, dirty cheat.

- Newcastle are not a ‘Big Club‘. But they are attention seekers.

- Robinho will break your face.

- Arsenal are screwed.

- Many people have many reasons to hate Andy Gray.

- Apparently 35 million pounds just doesn’t go as far as it used to.

- Get in your final prayers before you dreams are ruined.

- Jermaine Defoe’s prospects at Tottenham might have gone down further after the arrival of Mido, but at least he’s still in the England squad, right?

- In Pardew West Ham trusts.

Andy Gray Is Unbearable

August 29th, 2006

Boggs beats children with sticks to relieve his anger after reading another of Andy “Britain’s Best Football Pundit” Gray’s columns.

There is no ‘pundit’ in the entire free world that just rubs my tits all over the place as much as Andy Gray. Hansen and Lawro don’t even enter into it. These pundits are paid handsomely to deliver expert and informative opinons, not toss.
Speaking of which,

pundit (puhn-dit)

1. a learned person, expert, or authority.
2. a person who makes comments or judgements, esp. in an authoritative manner; critic or commentator

Nowhere in that definition is “mindblowing abilty to state the obvious” mentioned. Read a few of his articles, you will be stunned by the amount of information that he seemingly picked up from reading MATCH! while taking a dump and his column has morphed into some kind of delayed reporting of the news – neither timely nor offering unique insight. Some excerpts from his latest classic piece of football analysis:

What’s amazing is that after most teams have played two games, only one has got the maximum six points. And this was a Premiership that was supposed to be so predictable…

Yes, the fact that after TWO matches Chelsea are not top leads us to believe that the world has turned upside down. And is Manchester United leading the way that much of a shocker?

I said before the season that I fancied them (United) above anyone to challenge Chelsea and on the evidence of the opening two games I was right.

Again, the statistical significance of a sample size of two aside, consider that paycheck earned! Not to mention the fact that he’s patting himself on the back for a successful prediction, moments after telling everyone how unpredictable the Premiership is.

The rest of it isn’t even worth dissecting. But if you imagine Andy Gray was reading 5 second match reports to you from the weekend, that’s pretty much the same experience. Only at least then you could have laughed at his silly accent and thrown hot coffee in his face.

Boggs: I hate Andy Gray

August 20th, 2006

Boggs has a real puffin in his boot as he adds another unsuspecting, and probably uncaring, person to ‘The List’.

I hate Fat Sam. I hate him even more now that the bastard masterminded yet another win over Tottenham. I just take heart that he will never sleep well again knowing that possibly his only ever chance to become England manager has come and gone, despite adorably making a PowerPoint presentation to state his case to the FA. Although the rejection does seem to have dented his trademark arrogance somewhat.

But a new nemesis has arisen this season – Andy Gray. I’m not sure if it’s the novelty accent, the obvious 5-minutes-too-late insights, his complete lack of tactical knowledge (pictured) or the fact that his F365 column has “Britain’s Best Football Pundit” plastered across the top, but something about him really puts a puffin in my boot.

A quick gander over his recent catalog of material reveals such compelling and insightful pieces as “The (World Cup) Refereeing Has Been Awful“. Of course it’s difficult to come up with a truly original point of view, but isn’t that precisely what “Britain’s Best Football Pundit” is paid a pretty penny for? Setting himself apart from hacks like myself? Time and time again I read his column and fail to come away with anything new, useful or even remotely interesting. His work provides as much information as any generic news article you’d find on Sky Sports or the BBC, only written by an illiterate van driver and published under the guise of punditry.

So as I look forward to yet another season of my one-way feud with Allardyce, here’s hoping that Andy Gray continues doing what he does best…nothing. Because with those two fueling as outlets for my anger, I won’t have to resort to beating hobos the next time Tottenham …well… ‘do a Tottenham’.