Studs Up today riffs on Tottenham and the utter lack of cogent communication between Gaffer and Director of Football.

…And believe it or not it isn’t just Tottenham, all over Europe clubs are making an utter pig’s ear of this football lark . Witness Exhibit A, Bayrn Munich’s Bastian Schweinsteiger making himself look like a complete plank, courtesy of The Offside.

Over at The Spoiler, meanwhile, they focus on the motley crew of below par commentators that the BBC has assembled…Their treatise asserts that we deserve better than Shearer’s chuntering on – we couldn’t agree more!

Studs Up riffs on Tottenham‘s craptastic early season form. After a summer of bringing in glittering attacking talent, they sit rooted to the bottom of the Premier League – and as Studs Up sees it – there is only one reason why. They are crap, because they are Tottenham.

The Offside takes a few steps back for a more panoramic view of the entire Premier League and brings us a fantastically crafted 10 Things We Learned in the Premier League. Amongst these 10 nuggets are some bad news for Man Utd fans, apparently Edwin Van Der Sar is past it and Dimitar Berbatov was a needless signing.

The Spoiler, brings us on this dreary Monday news of a Ronaldo ruckus. Apparently Ronnie (the original one) started an epic birthday drinking session which ended with the news that “a shirtless Ronaldo was heard to be asking someone if they wanted a fight, and had to be restrained by his hangers on”.

Fancy going to a footie chat utopia where the banter never ends? Jog on to the COS Forum!

Studs Up takes a look at Aston Villa and Tottenham, two Premier League scamps sticking it to the Big Four by digging their heels in and refusing to let their star players leave without huge vats of cash in compensation. (Studs Up)

Monday’s headline in The Spoiler also sides with the little Davids trying to launch a projectile or two into the eyes of the complacent Big Four Goliaths by publishing six reasons why Man Utd won’t beat Portsmouth tonight. (The Spoiler)

The Offside, meanwhile, looks at little Daniel Sturridge – a whelp of just eighteen who already has a large library of videos showing off his scoring prowess. (The Offside)

And finally there is a shaft of light in the gloomy summer that Evertonians have been having. Blue Kipper reports that they have signed a right back – 1 signing down, 6 to go! (Blue Kipper)

Studs Up today riffs on why Dimitar Berbatov is like a tampon and why the transfer window as a whole is as painful as a spoon in the eye. (Studs Up)

In a glorious piece of investigative journalism The Spoiler takes a look at the new Manchester City kit and asks if they are getting fatter. (The Spoiler)

The Offside meanwhile brings us a video clip that will bring a tear to Paul Robinson’s eye, it is of a fellow goalkeeper making a complete pig’s ear of a backpass. Nice. (The Offside)

And finally…New(ish) Gooner site Gingers For Limpar takes a long hard look at Juande Ramos and his lofty claims that Tottenham can be compared to Manchester United. In a Spoiler-esque piece of forensic journalism, Gingers for Limpar has actually gone and found some statistics which pretty much close the case on Ramos’ claims. (Gingers For Limpar)

Studs Up analyzes the playground antics that are prevalent amongst the bickering horde of gaffers in the top echelons of European football. (Studs Up)

Who Ate All the pies, focuses instead on the palaver going on in LA. In what looks like an utter collapse, Manager Ruud Gullit has resigned and General Manager Alexi Lalas has been given the boot. Quite how Cobi Jones ,or “the one who looks like an old lesbian” as he is known to some, will respond to being in the LA Galaxy hotseat remains to be seen. (Who ate all the pies)

A little closer to home The Spoiler is busy chronicling Sunderland’s unstopbbable march towards the Champions League… (The Spoiler)

…Whilst over at The Offside, they are taking a second look at Dr Thaksin Shinawatra’s “fit and properness” and the news doesn’t look too good for Man City acolytes. (The Offside)

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If the England team is supported by a merry and delusional band of fantasists, then what of the mooted British Olympic Football team? Studs Up has the answer, and it involves an all-English 1st XI. (Studs Up)

…And the Who Ate all the pies have responded to Studs Up by cobbling together a list of 6 non-Englishmen who could make the grade. (Who ate all the pies)

Superhuman footballer – and Olympian – Leo Messi, played for the Argies today, and it was a pretty normal day at the office for the lank haired whelp – scoring one and setting one up. (The Offside)

…And finally… for those rapidly growing tired of Big Up’s Olympic theme today, have a butcher’s at this hardcore overhead kick. (The Spoiler)

Studs Up adds to yesterday’s chortlefest between The Lord of the Ferg and Juande Ramos by riffing on Ruud Van ‘Horseface’ and his decision to quit international football. (Studs Up)

Meanwhile, The Spoiler brings us the exciting news that Manchester United’s very own Fergie-Ferg now fancies himself as a bit of a film buff. (The Spoiler)

And if all this Kermodian chin-stroking film buffery is too much for you, we have a list of all Cristiano “Slave” Ronaldo’s conquests for you to drool over. (The Offside)

And finally…Who Ate All The Pies brings us an interesting banner from the Anfield Massive as well as Craig Bellamy’s top 6 bust ups ever! (Who Ate All The Pies?)

While teams like Everton continue to fumble behind the sofa for a spare tuppence to add to their non-existent transfer kitty, Spurs are splurging on all sorts of high profile players. Studs Up – the greatest football comic in history – takes a look at Spurs’ signings right here. (Studs Up)

If Tottenham’s glorious haul of attack minded players doesn’t restore your faith in the beautiful game, maybe a platter of the most gloriously succulent beach soccer goals will slake your goal-lust. Look out for “Diego Junior Maradona”. (The Offside)

The Spoiler continues to riff on the world of dodgy haircuts, moving on from Stephen Ireland’s wig and this time having a pop at Joey Barton’s jail house barnet – which looks like a Roy Orbison tribute wig. (The Spoiler)

Meanwhile…over at Dave’s Football Blog they bring us a vision for the future. A world champions league, powered by a Richard Branson transport gadget. (Dave’s Football Blog)

The Joey Barton comic strip on Studs Up reads like a psychotic transcript of everyone’s favourite reality show, Big Brother. Day 1: Joey Knifes King Kev. Day Two: Joey Eats Baby. If you’re man enough to find out what depraved acts the Loonmaster General is up to today, click here . (Studs Up)

Moving swiftly on to a story that will warm the cockles of your heart. Brazil and Man Utd star, Anderson, showed his nice side by spending some quality time with a 12-year-old fan in Singapore. (The Offside)

A hearty round of applause should go to Blue Kipper, who were the first to break the news that Everton’s CEO Keith Wyness had resigned. This news was up so lighting fast that BlueKipper readers probably knew before the Everton Board! (Blue Kipper)

Someone has gone to the effort of listing the top 5 hottest female USA team soccer players. Good work. Bloody glorious work. (Save The Intern)

Joey Barton; part-time footballer, full-time loon; Studs Up has brought us a two day spectacular on Newcastle’s very own Loonmaster General…Today Joey decides to eat an infant. (Studs Up)

Talking of nutters, don’t you find it outrageously coincidental that Tennis nutter Marat Safin and football nutter Duncan Ferguson have never been seen together in the same room? That’s because they are the same person! (Blue Kipper)

…And if it is crap lookalikes that you prefer, then try this one on for size, Stephen Ireland and….a wig-less Stephen Ireland! (Who ate all the pies?)

It looks as if Wayne Rooney’s missus fancies herself as a bit of a DJ. If she had a day job, we’d be telling her not to give it up. (The Spoiler)

The Offside, the masters of video hilarity, brings us a glorious clip of a goal scored by the South Korean ‘keeper against the Ivory Coast. (The Offside)