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Michael Carrick Is Too Soft For Manchester United Or England

Daniel ponders the role of Michael Carrick for club and country.

During the BBC’s preview of the England v Israel game the only dissenting opinion amid a swirl of upbeat confidence was that Manchester United’s Michael Carrick should have been playing. With Chelsea midfielder Lampard and Hargreaves both out injured, McClaren could have been expected to pick Carrick based on previous selections. It seems that Carrick is now the fifth choice player for the England central midfield and if both Hargreaves and Scholes are available for Man U, he may become just a squad player at Man U too. A harsh fate? No, it is an overdue downward reassessment of a talented player who has a fundamental weakness as a central midfielder.

Carrick has excellent passing ability: he can accurately pass short or long with both feet, a rare skill among English footballers. He also picks up a fair degree of possession from opponents in front of his defence.

These abilities are often overestimated though. Carrick is capable of playing accurate long passes and defence splitting through balls, but in practice too much of his passing is sideways and backwards. This being the case, too much attention should not be given to his pass completion percentage. Knowing when to play the simple pass and when to be more ambitious is a key decision that central midfielders must make. Some, like Gerrard, go for the big pass too often; Carrick errs the other way. Also, in his ‘quarterback’ role in front of the defence, Carrick does not make himself available enough to receive the ball from team-mates. To play the role effectively you need to be getting into space and demanding the ball and dictating play like Pirlo does for AC Milan and Italy. But Carrick is too static and when centre backs are looking to pass the ball onto the midfield, he can often be seen stuck in a direct line behind an opponent. Consequently, in Man U games you see Scholes drop deep to get possession off the centre backs more often than should be necessary and Gerrard and Lampard do the same in England matches, which leaves a big space between central midfield and the forward line. Add this to the facts that Carrick does not get into advanced positions, score or run with the ball that much, and his offensive threat is clearly limited.

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Has Louis Saha Become Manchester United’s Most Important Player?

Forget Rooney and Ronaldo, Dan knows the man who is key to United’s plan. Sorry, that was awful.

After Manchester United stormed to the title last season winning 28 games and picking up 89 points, and then heavily out-spent their closest rivals, Chelsea, in the summer, they were understandably favourites to win the Premier League this term. Yet the team is lagging, having only won two games and collected 8 points from a possible 15. Why?

Blaming injuries and suspensions is an instinctive excuse, but given the money invested in Man U’s talented squad these reasons should not be exaggerated. The key reason for Man U’s comparative lack of success this season is that they are not scoring enough goals (3 in 5 games so far) and Fergie, not the players, is most responsible for this failure.

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Which Club Has The Premier League’s Biggest Diver? Chelsea? Tottenham? Arsenal? Tottenham? Manchester United?

Daniel mourns for a dying art amongst Premier League clubs. Sort of… 

There is always an issue in football; something that is ruining the beautiful game and cheating the humble fan out of entertainment and clubs out of league points. Often referees are at the centre of the furore – card-happy refs, players pressuring refs, refs not applying the offside law consistently, and refs that are just shit. But one issue that hasn’t been in the headlines for a while is diving.

You remember diving. The disease that has been having an increasingly ruinous effect on World Cups for the last twenty years. The form of cheating that not only stops the flow of games and leads to undeserved cards, but also looks so very, very camp.

So why isn’t diving in the news? Has diving been commonplace in football for such a long time that it has become accepted, like and in-breeding in the Isle of Wight? Or is it not an issue because players aren’t diving any more?

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Why Doesn’t Anyone Like Blackburn Rovers?

Daniel isn’t quite sure why Mark Hughes’ men aren’t getting the fanbase their play seems to deserve.

Please answer me this question: what’s wrong with Blackburn Rovers?

I’m not a Blackburn fan but I think they’re quite an attractive team (steady!) yet last season their average attendance of 21,198 was the lowest in the Premier League as a percentage of the ground’s capacity (Ewood Park was only 68% full on average). In their first home game of this season against Arsenal, the stadium was still only 80% full. Even more criminal is the fact that they reportedly could not sell 8,000 tickets of their 30,900 ticket allocation for their FA Cup semi final with Chelsea at nearby Old Trafford. Why so many empty seats when Blackburn play?

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The Premier League Needs Ailton and Francesco Coco

West Ham, Newcastle and other clubs looking for a last minute transfer should be on alert, Daniel has found a couple of characters well worthy of entertaining us - off the pitch, at least.

Sometimes it can be a struggle to find a football story to write about. But, sometimes a footballer can say something so hilarious that you just have to share it…

At 34, the Brazilian striker, Ailton, does not have much time left to impress as a footballer. Ailton is known to have an eye for the ladies, but he wants the world to know that he will be “totally focused” on football at his new club, MSV Duisburg, in the Bundesliga and therefore made this thoroughly professional statement:

“I’m here without my wife, and I’m all about football. All about football. There will be no more sex for me, no more bumbum. The only orgasm is when I score a goal. Goal bumbum. Ailton is back.”

Who said footballers just recite the same tired old clichés in interviews. Goal bumbum, indeed. Get this guy into the Premier League now.

One man who may be heading to the Premier League this week is Inter’s Francesco Coco, who is tired of the Italian media linking him with bumbum. Having joined AC Milan as a sixteen year old, Coco was expected to be the heir to Paolo Maldini, but it is his extra-curricular activities that have made headlines. Coco had admitted to paying a press photographer not to publish photos of him and a male friend on a boat (presumably they were doing more than just fishing) or photos of him with four naked men. He was also recently attacked by a woman brandishing a knife when he was at home with his girlfriend. (Typical, she finally persuades him to have a quiet night in with her and that happens). Now Coco has had enough and wants out.

“I don’t accept how the papers portray me. I could play like Maradona but it wouldn’t matter: everyone thinks I am a drugged up gay who lives in nightclubs. I need to get away.”

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CaughtOffside Exclusive Part 1: In The Hands Of The Gods Preview

CaughtOffside was invited to a exclusive sneak preview of the upcoming football film In The Hands of the Gods, and Daniel was mighty impressed.

History suggests that football and films do not go hand in hand. ‘Goal’ was better than expected but little more, ‘Bend It Like Beckham’ and ‘Gregory’s Girl’ were right on feminist tales rather than football stories, and Sean Bean’s When Saturday Comes was, well I never actually saw it, but the thought of ‘Ey up, Frodo’ starring for Sheffield United has ‘straight to video’ written all over it. True football fans know the only film of their beloved sport worth its salt is the epic ‘Escape to Victory’. However, even this noble tale lacks something that your average fan can relate to (unless that is you’ve been captured by the Hun, stuck in a POW camp, formed a footy team with Michael Caine, Sly Stallone and a curious mixture of world football stars and Division 1 journeymen and produced a smashing comeback that brought joy to the hearts of the oppressed French – come on, you know who you are). But a new film is about to be released that kicks the realism back into football.

The Hands of the Gods is a documentary that follows the fortunes of five freestyle footballers (i.e. they do tricks more elaborate than a few kick ups) from England in their quest to meet their hero, Diego Maradona. (Yes, being English and idolising the drug-taking, stomach stapling, tax avoiding cheat is a little odd).

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Which Club Has The Premier League’s Best English Striker? Spurs? West Ham? Everton? Newcastle? Portsmouth?

Ignoring the rash of “injuries” to the squad, Daniel takes a look at who should be backing up Rooney, Owen and Crouch for England. Newcastle, Tottenham, Everton and West Ham are all represented strongly.

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When it was put to Steve McClaren that he faced a striker crisis with Rooney injured, Owen unfit and Crouch suspended for the next qualifier, the England boss reminded journalists:

“…there is also the likes of Alan Smith, Darren Bent, Andy Johnson, Jermain Defoe and David Nugent, players like that who have played for England and have proved that they can play at this level.”

Hmmmmm. Still the lack of availability of the three forwards at the front of the queue for places in the team, represents not so much a window of opportunity for English strikers to stake their international claims, but a great, yawning chasm. So who is best equipped to step into the void? Let’s analyse the pros and cons of the men McClaren mentions.

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Who Are England’s Biggest Rivals Now? Still Germany? Portugal? Argentina?

As the Premier League typically takes a break just when the action is getting good, Daniel ponders how England’s rivals have changed with their fortunes.

I was brought up to see Germany as the enemy. At school, history lessons told me that England had fought against Germany in two world wars. On screen, the evil Hun was resisted by the cream of British acting heroes: Dicky Burton, Alec Guiness and Gordon Kaye (Rene in ‘Allo ‘Allo). In newspapers, the Conservative Government warned of the demise of sterling, pounds and ounces, Page 3, test match cricket and everything else that put the Great into Britain in a European Union run by the Bundesbank. And at home, my gran would tell me, “You can never trust the Germans.”

But none of this shaped my attitude towards Germany as much as football. Here, the image of the ruthless, cold-hearted German was most powerful. Players in the German football team were strong, efficient, and mistake-free. But most of all, they always seemed to win the close games, the games that mattered. Germany was the most dependable team in world football. Nobody ever doubted them. Even if Germany was losing a game, phrases like, “they’ll come back, they always do” and “never write off the Germans” were both common place and true.

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The Neville’s cook up a conspiracy while old Newcastle rivals fight for supremacy

Daniel has heard enough about Everton’s resurgence or Tottenham’s plight, all he’s concerned about now is what BBC and Sky are up to with their Premier League coverage.

After months of enduring people hitting a ball with a bat, club or racquet in the name of sport, it was a blessed relief to see someone finally treating a ball the way God intended – by putting their foot through it. And it wasn’t just football teams whose fortunes were riding on their performances, the BBC and Sky were obliged to up their game too with new kid, Setanta’s, arrival onto the Premier League block. It was critical therefore that the two more established broadcasters started the new season well.

On the BBC, Match of the Day’s new look consisted of a new set and old blue shirt of Andy Pandy’s with big, white pads on the shoulders, resurrected from the BBC wardrobe department and worn by Alan Shearer for the evening. Poor Alan. With Mark Lawrenson now established as Trevor Brooking’s long-term successor, it appears Shearer has beaten the searing insight of heavyweight football intellectuals such as Ian Wright, Peter Schemichel, Peter Reid and Martin Keown, to claim the No. 2 pundit’s chair alongside Alan Hansen. But Shearer’s TV performances suggest that his straight-batting of journalists’ questions during his years as a player was not a clever means of defence against the media, but just the response of a man who lacks charisma.

The BBC’s evening schedule hadn’t seen such a lack of emotion and facial expression since the last time it showed a Steven Seagal film. Unfortunately, unlike Seagal, Shearer couldn’t redeem his wooden delivery with some remarkably low-speed martial arts on a Columbian drug dealer, or, saving that, on Gary Lineker. When Big Al did attempt something a little different with a self-deprecating joke about the way Michael Chopra celebrated his goal in a Shearer-like one arm salute, his outburst of personality was so unexpected that Lineker gave the kind of awkward, forced laugh that is normally only used by people who are sitting on a bus and asked by the local weirdo, “Where’s the toilet?”

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Sir Alex Ferguson vs Jose Mourinho: Who Will Win The Tactical War?

Daniel puts on his tactics cap again and breaks down Saturday’s hopefully-not-meaningless Community Shield between Chelsea and Manchester United.

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After the coma-inducing FA Cup Final only die-hard fans and those who are hungover and have nothing better to do on a Sunday will be tuning into the Community Shield match between Chelsea and Manchester United this weekend. So that will be most of us then.

With few thinking that the Premier League title will go anywhere other than Stamford Bridge or Old Trafford at the end of the coming season, the game could offer some clues as to how the two favourites will approach the new campaign.

Unfortunately injuries mean that neither manager will reveal their hand in this game and provide both with a ready-made excuse when one of them loses and gives a sour grapes post-match interview. Chelsea in particular have a number of injury worries. This week Steve Clarke said, “Wayne Bridge, Michael Ballack and Salomon Kalou are out but everyone else is in contention.” However, there are injury concerns about John Terry, Andriy Shevchenko, Arjen Robben, Michael Essien, Claude Makelele, Paulo Ferreira, Lassana Diarra, Ashley Cole and John Obi Mikel. Summers used to be a chance for players to recuperate and build their fitness up, but given Chelsea’s long injury list their preparations seem to have involved entering their players into a Royal Rumble. Paul Scholes, Louis Saha and Ole Gunnar Solksjaer are all out for Manchester United, Gary Neville is not expected to play and Carlos Tevez will not be in the squad.

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Jose Mourinho Set To Make The Move Of The Summer

Dan thinks he’s spotted the change that could give Chelsea the edge over Manchester United, Arsenal and Liverpool.

What’s this? A COS world exclusive? Who have Chelsea bought? Ronaldhino? Kaka? Peter Crouch? No. Mourinho isn’t about to buy anyone as far as I know. But he has announced a tactical change that could prove crucial in the race for the Premier League title.

“We will work our 4-3-3 with wingers, of course, and we will change our 4-4-2 with a diamond to a 4-4-2 with wingers.”

The popular belief is that injuries and the signings of Ballack and Shevchenko caused Chelsea to lose the title last season. They were factors, but the formation they played was the biggest contributor to Chelsea being unable to reproduce the performances and successes of the previous two seasons.

Last season Chelsea played a 4-4-2 with four central midfielders. Lampard played a little left of centre, Essien a little right, but really there was no width to their play. The team’s only two wide men were the full backs, but they were not given licence to push forward (just look at how Ashley Cole’s game has become much more defensive since he moved from Arsenal to Chelsea). The result was a midfield playing on top of each other, making them easier to mark and a long, early ball to Drogba more likely.

Chelsea’s central midfield congestion not only limited their attacking options but also left then vulnerable in defence. Opposition teams would work the ball out wide quickly before Chelsea’s four central midfielders had time to come across to the flanks and cover, giving the opposition winger a free run at the full back. Arsenal used this tactic effectively in the first half of the Coca Cola Cup final, knocking the ball out to Theo Walcott on the right wing at every opportunity. Walcott was up against a quality left back in Wayne Bridge that day, so still had work to do capitalise on his possession. The season before, when Mourinho first used this formation in a big game, it was Harry Kewell v Geremi in the 2006 FA Cup semi-final between Liverpool and Chelsea. Chelsea had the edge over Liverpool in the league that season, but in the Cup game Liverpool switched the play quickly to Kewell and he was the most dangerous player on the pitch.

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Tottenham’s Kaboul Dreams Of Arsenal? Which Players Try Your Patience?

Daniel looks at the Judas inside all of us, and ponders which Premier League players will be annoying the hell out of their own fans this season.

We love our teams, but we don’t always love every individual in them. The player in question may be terminally shit, generally OK but clanger prone, a waste of precious money, or just a wanker. This summer’s transfer merry-go-round has seen new faces arrive at some clubs which are sure to test the loyalty of their supporters at some point this Premiership season.

Having just survived on the last day of the season, Wigan fans would be forgiven for not being optimistic about their prospects in this campaign. When Paul Jewell was replaced by his assistant, Chris Hutchings, a man without any experience in the hot seat, you could understand if they were very concerned. And when Hutchings made Newcastle clown Titus Bramble his first signing, you couldn’t blame them if they ripped up their season tickets and threw themselves under the nearest bus shouting, “I can’t do this any more.”

Bramble was free though. If he fails, Wigan fans will be able to say, “At least we didn’t waste any money on him.” Which is more than Birmingham fans will be able to say when Mido sulks off in a year or two. ₤6m is still a lot of money for a player and for a newly promoted side it is a helluva lot of dough. Spending your budget on a striker who can score the goals to stave off relegation is fine. But shooting your load on Mido? His display as a sub in the first FA Cup game against Chelsea was truly memorable. In contrast to the assured Berbatov who he replaced, Mido showed the composure and spatial awareness of a pissed up uncle at a wedding reception when ‘Brown Eyed Girl’ is played. He then followed that up in a game against Fulham with the funniest moment of the season: an awful back pass led to Robinson saving a 1-on-1 and from the resulting corner Mido headed towards his own goal producing another last-ditch save. Robinson then pointed to the other end of the pitch and repeatedly told his team-mate to “Fuck off back up there.”

But I guess Mido might be a nice guy. Which brings me onto West Ham and Craig Bellamy. Aaah Bellamy, the classic test of a fan’s loyalty. Bellamy is a good player. And for ₤7.5m he is also good value when judged on ability alone if Mido is worth ₤6m and Darren Bent ₤17m. But Bellamy has an uncanny ability to get under people’s skin and, if a 3 wood is handy, to smash them over the top of their skin too. West Ham, ‘everybody’s second favourite team TM’, may find they lose some goodwill from other fans and gain more unwanted headlines thanks to Bellamy.

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Race For Relegation: What Should Middlesbrough Do To Survive?

Dan looks at one of next season’s dark horse relegation candidates, and as usual it’s up front where Middlesbrough will live or die.

If Christmas is the time of goodwill to all men, then pre-season is the time to make a profit from their misery. The bookmakers’ favourites to be relegated from the Premiership next May contain the usual suspects: those that have just been promoted (Sunderland, Derby, Birmingham) and those that just avoided the drop last season (Wigan, Fulham). The exception is West Ham, whose policy of offering multi-millions for anyone who might remotely be interested in moving clubs has made the bookies think that they will finish a highly respectable 15th.

Usually at least one team outside of these predictable few also struggles and this coming season should be no different. Many think Reading will not repeat their terrific form of last season and could ‘do an Ipswich’. Bolton have replaced Big Sam with Little Sam (well, height-wise anyway) and suddenly Tal Ben Haim has gone and Jussi Jaaskelainen and Nicolas Anelka are being heavily linked with other clubs.

And don’t be surprised if this season’s relegation scrappers from the North East are not Sunderland, but Middlesbrough.

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Liverpool’s Attacking Woes Need More Than Fernando Torres

Daniel thinks the strikers aren’t the root of Liverpool’s attacking problems.

Hooray, Liverpool spent a lot of money!

Hooray, Liverpool spent a lot of money on a Spaniard that we’ve heard of!

Hooray, Liverpool spent a lot of money on one quality player rather than several mediocre players who are unlikely to be first team regulars!

Hooray, Liverpool will win the league! Woooooooooah there.

With Liverpool smashing their transfer record to buy a world famous player who appears to have been coveted by Man U and Chelsea in recent times, expectations that Liverpool will once more top the league table have been raised. But Liverpool need more than Torres to be the best team in England.

Torres is fast, direct and makes excellent runs. If Liverpool sell Bellamy, as seems likely, Liverpool will need Torres’s pace and movement to stretch opposition defences. Don’t be surprised though, if Torres is asked to make runs out to the flanks to give the Liverpool attack width (just as Bellamy was asked to do last season) rather than making runs towards the penalty box, particularly if he is partnered with the less mobile Crouch. Playing an unselfish role like this for the team will not help Torres’s goal tally, but he is not a penalty box predator in the Fowler or Rush mould and may not be the 20-plus goals a season man that Liverpool have lacked since Owen’s departure. In the last two seasons Torres has lost his goal touch at Athletico Madrid, scoring 15 goals from 40 appearances last season and 13 from 40 the season before. This compares to 18 goals from 47 appearances (2006-2007) and 13 from 49 (2005-2006) for Crouch and 14 from 48 (2006-2007) and 25 from 38 (2005-2006 at Feyenoord) for Kuyt.

It is harder to be a prolific goal-scorer in the modern game because of the increasingly cautious football played by teams, particularly at the top level. Liverpool have been part of this trend towards more defensive football. Under Benitez, Liverpool’s defence has been its strongest asset. This is clear from comparing the goals conceded and goals scored by Liverpool to the league winners. Whereas Liverpool and Man U both conceded 27 goals in the league last season, Man U scored 83 goals to Liverpool’s 57. Liverpool also scored 57 goals in the previous campaign compared to Chelsea’s 72.

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Why Do We Continue To Shoot Ourselves In The Foot?

Daniel looks at the simultaneous success and plight of England’s national team.

England’s Under-21 team has reached the semi-finals of the European Championships; its best performance since the 1980s and a massive improvement on its failure to qualify for many of the finals since the era of Hoddle and Waddle’s ‘Diamond Lights’ and The Hoff chatting away merrily to a camp car. So does this mean England has a new ‘golden generation’ which can match the heady heights of the current team by recording glorious World Cup victories over giants such as Trinidad & Tobago, Ecuador and Paraguay?

The primary purpose of an Under-21 team is to groom young boys with potential or, to put it another way that sounds less like the mission statement of a paedophile ring, to develop players so that they can become full England internationals.

But cast your eyes over the squad in Holland and who can you see becoming an England regular in the future?

Scott Carson (Liverpool)
Justin Hoyte (Arsenal)
Leighton Baines (Wigan)
Steven Taylor (Newcastle)
Anton Ferdinand (West Ham)
Gary Cahill (Aston Villa)
Nigel Reo-Coker West Ham)
David Bentley (Blackburn)*
Kieran Richardson (Manchester United)
David Nugent (Preston North End)
Ashley Young (Watford)
Wayne Routledge (Tottenham)
Joe Hart (Manchester City)
Liam Rosenior (Fulham)
James Milner (Newcastle)
Leroy Lita (Reading)
Tom Huddlestone (Tottenham)
Mark Noble (West Ham)
Matt Derbyshire (Blackburn)
Nedum Onuoha (Manchester City)
James Vaughan (Everton)
Ben Alnwick (Tottenham)
Peter Whittingham (Aston Villa)

*Withdrew…too sleepy.

Well reading that list hasn’t made you rush out to plan your World Cup 2014 celebration party, has it?

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