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Chelsea’s Loss Could be England’s Gain

SuesieG finally re-emerges from captivity to consider the opportunity that the England FA is about to let slip.

There’s an old story about an old priest, a flood, and waiting for a sign of salvation from God. While the flood waters continue to rise all around him, the old man waits on his roof, waiting for a sign that that God will save him, and in the process, turns down three rescue attempts. Upon drowning and going to heaven, the priest says to God, “I waited for you, why didn’t you come?” To which God replies, “I sent you three rescue attempts, what more do you want?”

I’ve been thinking of this story quite a lot lately, especially when those rumours of Jose Mourinho’s impending departure from Stamford Bridge surface.

I don’t know if the rumours of a rift between Mourinho and Abramovich are true, but I’d like to think after Chelsea’s performance against Valencia last week and the fact that they’re taking a storming Manchester United team to the end in the Premiership title race, a clever guy like Roman Abramovich would be reluctant to cut Mourinho loose. However, when the press-savvy Jose starts publicly stating both his desire to remain at the club, while also saying that he has a Plan B should he find himself out of a job, things aren’t looking too good.

That being said, what may be Chelsea’s loss could be England’s gain. We’re not Mourinho’s first international choice – that would be Portugal; but he’s already said that he’d like to stay in England, so why not give him – a person actually worthy of the title - the top position in the country?

Just consider this:

• Mourinho’s a proven manager in both England and Europe
• Having spent three years in England, Mourinho’s already familiar with the English set up and the English players
• He’s an obvious motivator who gets the best out of his players - all of whom seem to have a massive desire to win, even under the worst circumstances. Frank Lampard might actually score again.
• Press conferences would be all the more entertaining with Jose
• If he were allowed to do for England what he’s done for Porto and Chelsea, how enjoyable would it be to watch a decent performance from the national side again?

Of course, the likelihood of this happening is zero to none. Given the track record of the giant dumb heads at the FA, it’s a lot like the story of the priest and the flood - nobody’s paying enough attention to realize that there may be a life raft floating in their direction, and they’ll probably end up drowning instead.

No More “Brand Beckham”

CaughtOffside’s weekly diarist SuesieG is back after defying the FA to take a little winter break.

I’ve been on hiatus from football since last December. Let me re-phrase that, I’ve been on hiatus from the Premiership and football. This usually happens to me once a year and coincides at the same time when the “big 4” go to the top of the table and right before the transfer window starts to creak open.

Somewhere in there, a big name manager gets sacked, and another becomes the subject of falling out with the club rumours. Talk about the title race being over, and the battle to avoid relegation goes on even though there are at least five months left in the season.

And finally, I completely shut out all things football when the Beckhams find yet another big media story to remind us all that unfortunately yes, they still do exist.

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3 Ways To Remember Ferguson

CaughtOffside’s weekly diarist SuesieG waxes nostalgic about the man of the season, Sir Alex Ferguson.

I had a friend who asked me just this week if I was going to write something about Sir Alex and his 20 years at Manchester United. After thanking Football Jesus for giving me yet another opportunity to wind up the Manchester United supporters by mentioning the Carling Cup, Southend, and giant killing, I decided that I had better be serious and pay some homage to Sir Alex.

Having witnessed at least 17 years of the 20 he’s been in charge, here are a few of my favourite Sir Alex moments.

Ferguson vs. Wenger

After West Ham gaffer Alan Pardew finished mewling his apology in the press this week, Arsene Wenger must have been shaking his head and was undoubtedly missing his old adversary, Sir Alex.

Back in the good old days, when the arrogance of managers was backed up by the quality of their sides, the match up between Manchester United and Arsenal was a mouth-watering affair. Neither Wenger nor Ferguson was particularly fond of each other, and at least 10 days before United and Arsenal met up, the war of words between the two kicked off.

Both sparred lightly in the press until the match got closer, and then it was gloves off! Whereas Wenger tried to be calm and composed, Ferguson turned puce and snarled. And on match day, when the opening whistle blew, both teams went at it like terriers, while the managers paced around cagily on the touchline, glaring at one another. It was fabulous!

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Sol’s Return, Chelsea’s Antics And The Rogue Director

CaughtOffside’s weekly diarist SuesieG pulls something out of nothing from the week’s biggest Premiership club news.

Sol –the-Christmas-Cake-Campbell

I once had a friend who told me - on my 26th birthday - that women over the age of 25 are like Christmas cakes - left on the shelf and past their sell-by dates. He laughed hysterically, I didn’t, and we’re no longer friends. Now that I’m past 30, however, I can see the humour in this, but in the world of football, much like the world of supermodels, being past 30 is like the kiss of death, and its latest victim is Sol Campbell.

In an interview with the Times this week, Sol’s not only been smarting from a voice mail message left by Steve McLaren informing him of his omission from the England squad; but he’s been openly critical about the lack of “thirty-somethings”, such as David Beckham, whose names are also missing from England’s team sheet.

“There are loads of guys around the world playing who are older than me. You see other countries have players who are still playing at 34 and 35 for the national team”, sniffed Sol.

True, true! But just as I was about to applaud Sol’s statements (about older players, not David Beckham), he blew his whole argument by saying he’s confused about the other David - as in James - also being omitted from the national squad.

“Jamo’s playing the best football of his career and people should admit that instead of hiding from it or pushing it under the carpet. If people were just honest about it, then maybe we would get a better team.”

Ok, I’ll be honest. England are pants! Steve McLaren was not my first choice as England manager. John Terry, Rio Ferdinand and Jamie Carragher would be my first choices over the often-injured Sol Campbell. After years of “stellar” “performances for Liverpool, Aston Villa, West Ham, Man City and England, David James came honestly by the nickname “Calamity” – so, he’s not the answer to England’s problems either. And finally, I honestly believe that you can’t compete with youth, so don’t bother. The exception to this rule is, of course, Zinedine Zindane, but then, he’s in an entirely different class than that of Sol Campbell.

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Ronaldinho’s Back Against The “Diver’s Football Club”

CaughtOffside Chelsea diarist SuesieG continues to follow the travels of the Premiership champions.

Ronaldinho’s Long Memory
Ronaldinho revealed today that one his all time worst memories was the late controversial John Terry goal that eliminated Barcelona from the Champions League in 2005. Interestingly enough, I have to admit that whenever I think of Chelsea-Barcelona matches, my first memory is not of THAT Ronaldinho goal in front of the Chelsea net where Ro-Ro barely moved and Ricardo Carvalho danced from side to side like a monkey. Rather, whenever I think of Chelsea-Barcelona matches, my first memory is of a slow motion replay of Lionel Messi’s collision with Asier Del Horno that reduced Chelsea to 10 men, all played out to Freddy Mercury and a fat lady singing “BARCELONA, VIVAAAAA!!!”

Anyways, despite the intense rivalry between these two sides, Ronaldinho insists that today’s fixture does not represent a grudge match for Barca, but rather, a sporting one, which he is relishing. “I am so looking forward to the game”, hee-heed Ro-Ro. “This soccer match is an event, and as always I will try to entertain.”

Good news for us, bad news for the blues. Unfortunately for Chelsea, in the same week that Ronaldinho has regained the form that earned him World Player of the Year, Chelsea goal keepers are in short supply, and that, no doubt that puts pressure on 4th sub goal-keeper John Terry to keep that back line solid. So, while we are guaranteed that a captivating performance by Ronaldinho and co. will leave the rest of us with something to remember, it no doubt unearths some bad reminders of the past for John Terry. For the last time he played against Barcelona, he scored an own goal and was left flat on his backside by the Brazilian.

Divers Football Club
In the days after the Reading-Chelsea, it’s not only Chelsea’s big whigs who have accused everyone from Stephen Hunt to the paramedics at the NHS of complete incompetency. It seems that Didier Drogba has now taken the opportunity to remind us all of some thing worth repeating.

I’m not paranoid, but they hate us. Some people will use any means to beat us.

Drogba’s right, it’s true that some of you do hate Chelsea, and shame on you for being haters!

Unfortunately, however, included in that bunch is one of Chelsea’s very own supporters, or now ex-supporter, AwesomeEV. Ev posted this interesting video which displays some of the finer “means” used by Chelsea, including Mr. Drogba, to win games in the Premiership.

I’m not being paranoid, but some people will use any means to win.

The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

SuesieG reminds everyone that things could be worse…right?

Cheer up England fans, you’ve all been here before, and it’s likely you’ll be here again.

Almost 4 years ago to the day, a sorry England side drew 2-2 with Macedonia in the final qualifying Euro 2004 match. On that day, England Keeper, David Seaman, made an expensive goal keeping boo boo; England’s defence were in shambles; England’s strikers couldn’t find the back of the net, and the only 2 things that saved England’s backsides that day were goals from David Beckham and Steven Gerrard.

Yesterday, a sorry England side lost to a better Croatian side. England Keeper, Paul Robinson, made an expensive goal keeping boo boo; England’s defence were a shambles; England’s strikers couldn’t find the back of the net, and the 2 things that previously saved England behinds - Beckham and Gerrard – were absent from today’s line up.

Yep, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And just as they did 4 years ago, England will probably qualify unconvincingly and devoid of inspiration for Euro 2008.

Undoubtedly, the Beckham-lovers who have fanatically been calling the radio hosts to say “I told you so” are now more adamant than ever that it’s time to recall David Beckham back to the England fold. Personally, I think Beckham was a good player for England, but let’s not lose our heads here, Beckham was not, is not and will not be the answer. It’s pretty obvious that where England are concerned, big name players do not necessarily guarantee success, and a recall at this stage would be a band-aid fix to the larger problems England have been carrying for a long time.

Unlike Sven, I doubt Steve McClaren will be afforded the luxury of time to prove himself, so he’d better shake off the mantle left over from his predecessor or find himself out of a job or back in the Premiership as Sam Allardyce’s replacement at Bolton. Automatic player selections; players out of form; mediocre players; formations that leave England exposed, unimaginative football, lack of tactics, etc. – take your pick – those ideas all need to go out the window.

And while I hate to dredge up the past too much, I think Steve McLaren would be wise to remember something the most successful England manager once said: “My job is not to always pick the best players. It is to pick the best team.”

Shevchenko Regrets, Bollywood Dreams

COS diarist SuesieG spins another web of news stories starring everyone’s favourite Premiership champions.

The second chapter of my continuing dirty affair with Chelsea,

This is my first year playing fantasy football manager, and to tell you the truth, I’m a unclear on a few things. I don’t get why this game is called “fantasy football.” First, it’s not “fantasy” when you can’t buy all of the big name players you want. Second, it’s not “fantasy” when you’re only given a limited amount of funds to work with in the first place! How the hell am I’m going to win in this “fantasy” league if I don’t have a ton of expensive world class players in my starting line up, my bank account is already in the red, and I have no wealthy oligarchs lining up to back me?

Anyways, my player selections were all going well right up until the time I had to pick a striker. The one player who I HAD to have, who I am unwilling to part with ever, and who cost me my entire fantasy fortune was Andriy Shevchenko. I was first smitten with Sheva when he graced Armani’s catwalk, and then again during that Champions League final against Liverpool. Arguably, that penalty kick against Jerzy Dudek of all people was not Sheva’s best, and could easily place him down the penalty-taking pecking order at Stamford Bridge, but who cares? If Steven Gerrard rates him, then so do I and, that’s good enough for me!

My friend Roy said “be sensible with your money Suesie – get Andrew Johnson instead.” Bah! What does he know about world class strikers anyway? “No,” I said snottily, “I’m taking Shevchenko – he’s class, he’s going to score zillions of goals, create super chances, and rack me up a whole lot of points.”

As of today, I have zero money in my “fantasy” bank account (strange, that’s just like my “real” bank account); I’m sitting 7th in a group of 12; Sheva is getting me an average of 2 points a game; and Andrew Johnson is the Premiership’s leading goal- scorer. And if that isn’t enough, I saw something today that made me cringe – today’s BBC “Do You Know” fact is: when master marksman Andriy Shevchenko scores, Chelsea lose.

JHOOM BARABAR JHOOM

Contrary to yesterday’s stories about the Chelsea-Bollywood connection, I’m disappointed to learn that there will be no colourful elephant dance scenes with Didier Drogba or any Cheryl Tweedy spin-off music videos coming to theatres anytime soon. The news out of Stamford Bridge today is that no actual Chelsea player (Ashley Cole notwithstanding) will be featured in the Bollywood movie, Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. Instead, we will be treated to a movie about a boy named Rikki, who wears a Chelsea shirt and claims to be a “loyal” Chelsea supporter. A documentary, then?

Hmmm…well, now that we know the movie is about something completely ridiculous, I think I’ll wait for Spike Lee’s film about Thierry Henry and Arsenal instead.

10,000 Empty Chelsea Seats In The Stadium, And The Return Of The Mourinho

COS writer SuesieG does double takes on the Premiership’s biggest news, and shockingly today it’s Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea…

Money can’t buy everything.

After Liverpool’s Charity Shield victory this year, a Liverpool fan, John, phoned into the 606 and called Chelsea fans a disgrace for not turning up. “Where ARE they?” he yelled down the line, “Where ARE these glory seeking trophy hunters?” Shortly after that, John conceded that the Charity Shield meant nothing to Liverpool, so why he was mad at Chelsea fans for not showing up in the first place is beyond me.

Now listen Chelsea fans, I can understand your absence from the Charity Shield. Cardiff is a long way to go on a Sunday, and if Jose’s appearance that day is any reflection of your feeling on the match, then you are all forgiven on that account. I also understand that the cost of supporting a highly paid team basically amounts to taking out a second mortgage. With fixtures in the Premiership, Champions League, FA Cup, etc., tickets to all of these matches would cost the average fan their shirt, their house, and possibly their firstborn too.

But what I don’t understand, is that on the first night of your Champions League campaign – the year in which you are all shouting that this is YOUR year to win the “Big One” - 10,000 seats at Stamford Bridge were empty in their group opener. Jose was there with his first 11 and Ashley Cole, where were you?

HURRAY! It’s the “Real” Jose!

And speaking of showing up, a bigger concern to me has not been the abundance of missing Chelsea fans, but the whereabouts of the real Jose Mourinho.

I have been extremely distressed that in place of the cheeky trash-talking “fashionista” we’ve been used to seeing these past few years, was a kinder, gentler, pudgier and balding version of Jose Mourinho. Who is this guy? Why is he still wearing those track suits? And what have you done with the old Jose? The “old” Jose would never have talked about the bad attitude of his team; the “old” Jose would never have complained about his heavy work load and lack of “quality” time with his players; and the “old” Jose would definitely NEVER have admitted to fearing any team, let alone a minimum of 10 teams in the Champions League.

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