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Boggs: I hate Sam Allardyce

bigsamCaughtOffside’s Boggs is not too fond of Bolton’s huggable boss Sam Allardyce. And by not too fond, we mean he hates him:

I don’t like Sam Allardyce. I just don’t. Yes, yes, he’s turned Bolton’s gang of journeymen and over-the-hill stars into an effective unit and has admittedly been very smart in his tactics and use of modern coaching methods. But he’s just so smug. A poor man’s Jose Mourinho, only without the media savvy, charm, or trophies. And he has a startling resemblance to 80’s rocker Meatloaf. Coincidentally, it’s Big Sam’s comments regarding his side’s 5-1 capitulation to Chelsea over the weekend that have pushed me over the top:

“We are looking at the Essien tackle because we went down to ten men at 2-1, whereas Chelsea should have been 1-0 down and down to ten men after the Essien tackle.”

“I could have been standing there as the first manager to beat Chelsea this season,” he claimed.

No, Sam, you couldn’t. The final score was 5-1. Not 1-1, not 2-1…FIVE to ONE. I watched the match, after Jose made his halftime changes Chelsea created chance after chance and there wasn’t ever any doubt who would come out on top. Ok, so Bolton had a man sent off and conceded a goal from the subsequent freekick, but whose fault is that? BIG SAM’s, that’s whose.

But this wouldn’t be the first time that Sam has attempted to put himself on the same level as the Portugese tactician, as in a staggering display of arrogance, and perhaps delusion, he came out with this gem earlier in the year:


“Mourinho started using our tactics in the Champions League,” he claimed. “They started playing straight off Drogba. Did they copy us? Well, I certainly didn’t copy him. I was doing it before he was doing it. I think he [hit] on 4-5-1 because of his injuries at the time. He started last season with 4-4-2.”

Yes, Sam, you are the first person in the history of football to play 4-5-1 with a lone target man. Congratulations. There are most definitely not dozens of top sides on the continent who have been using those tactics long before you -apparently- invented them.

Does it end there? No, of course not, Big Sam should also be managing Real Madrid:

“It’s all about fashion. At the moment the fashion in football is to employ a foreign coach. I would have got more opportunities if I was not English. You give me Chelsea’s team and I could manage them. You put me in charge of Real Madrid and I could manage them, no doubt.”

No doubt? Why of course getting the best out of Ricardo Gardner and Kevin Davies is EXACTLY like getting the best out of Ronaldo and Zidane. I’m sure there are no differences in expectations, club structure, or language that you would have to take into account. The Galacticos who have won every trophy imaginable will certainly respect your authority because you managed to guide Bolton clear of the relegation zone a couple of times.

And if there was any doubt as to how highly the Bolton man rates himself, let’s review his opinions on the pressure of being a Premiership manager:

“I have always said what drives me on is what is around the corner, and that is the sack,” said Allardyce.

“It seems unfair but that is what happens to us all if we do not do well over a period of time, no matter whether you are Alex Ferguson, Sam Allardyce or Jose Mourinho.”

If you notice, he has sandwiched himself between Alex Ferguson and Jose Mourinho, one is the most successful in the Premiership’s history and the other is heir apparent. He didn’t say “Alex Ferguson, Jose Mourinho, or even Sam Allardyce” to indicate his lesser status – no – he’s put himself right in there as though that’s everyone’s natural list for the top three managers in England. He also gets marks off for referring to himself in the third person.

To recap, he should probably be the next England boss, but I hate Sam Allardyce.

Does Boggs know his arse from his elbow? Let us know in the comments section or send an official rebuttal to submissions@caughtoffside.com and we might put it up on the page!