Your say: Change the fecking rule already!

Tired of forwards running in from offside positions at free kicks? Hate the offside rule altogether? We’ve seen a number of websites running op-eds on what rules should and shouldn’t be changed, but CaughtOffside is different. We want to know how you would Blatter-up this lovely sport.

Boring options include:

  • – Changing back the offside rule
  • – Making any handball be an offense
  • – Divers drawn and quartered outside stadium
  • – Video replays for goals

So lets come up with something imaginative. Why can’t there be a rule that would award your side some points they clearly deserved, but were cheated out of? Why can’t refs be replaced with scantily clad Page 3 models?

To start you off, here’s a couple of our own:

1. All refs get earpieces to the booth upstairs. They should be 80’s style like Fat Sam’s.

2. All cards should be immediately reviewed, and possibly overruled by a 5th official who has access to video replays. The official should be able to communicate immediately with the ref and the 4th official to send players back on if they’ve been dismissed unfairly, and to ask for the removal or carding of a player who managed to do something unseen. For example, this would have seen Arjen Robben marched to the centre circle and kicked squarely in the balls by a young fan after his antics against Liverpool (see left).

3. Fouls that cause injury should have sliding bans. If you injure a player and they’re out of the game for an extended period of time, so are you. For extra credit, you can add multiplier based on the last transfer value of both players — so if you break the leg of a midfielder who cost 12 times what you did, say goodbye to your career. John Arn Riise would be the first casualty of such a rule after his clearly malicious and deliberate attack on Alan Smith.

4. Cheating should be banned. Yes, this one is going to be harder to catch, but there’s our trusty 5th official to help with the video replays. And no red or yellow cards here — we should introduce a new type of card (pink would be appropriate) that applies only to cheats. The card has the same effect as a red, but without the three-game ban. Two pink cards should ensure that you’re banned from playing for your national team for a year — you don’t deserve to represent your country if you’re a cheat. The card would also stay\ attached to your outfit for the rest of the season and only becomes more effeminate as the offenses pile up. For example, Jose Antonio Reyes would be covered in glitter by season’s end. Divers, professional foulers, and injury fakers are all at risk here.

So get a pint or two in you and let us know your ideas to better the beautiful game.