Bellers Heart Liverpool

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After a brief trip around the rumor mill, Liverpool look set to beat off late interest from Arsenal and get their man as Benitez has claimed it will be ‘easy’ to sign the Welshman who – of course – supported the former European Champions as a young, equally unattractive lad.

After Fernando Morientes, Peter Crouch, Djibril Cisse and Robbie Fowler have all been thoroughly beaten about the brow by press and supporters alike for their failure to score more than an own goal off the arse between them, all eyes will fall on the pacy troll who scored 17 goals last season – many of them highly impressive runs and strikes.

At the same time though, he is a bit of a c**t.