Best Of The Rest

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Waspark has scoured the web, temporarily stopping to look at porn, to bring you a carefully selected cross section of the recent news.

Jose Reyes seems no closer to leaving Arsenal, after Arsene Wenger launched a rather amusing tirade against Atletico Madrid, introducing football’s first Miss World analogy.

Sheffield United midfielder Phil Jagielka knows how to lead by example. First, issue a rallying cry to your club and teamates. Second, tell everyone that you plan to bugger off at the end of the season when you’re inevitably relegated.

While Manchester United themselves have been threatened to not even talk about Owen Hargreaves, the World’s Greatest Midfielder has asked for a little respect from his current club. Not fond of being called a whore, apparently.

American Randy Lerner’s takeover of Aston Villa is now set to be completed. Not only has long time fan Michael Neville withdrawn his bid, but he has also stated his belief in the Lerner-O’Neill partnership. What a guy.

Sam Allardyce for pays a club record £8million for Nicolas ‘My brothers are twats too‘ Anelka. We’re still waiting to see the headline: “My dream is to partner Kevin Davies”.

With the whole ‘football’ thing not going that well, Charlton have switched to gag humor and created ugliest magazine cover of the decade – featuring a lovely shot of Scott “Gap Toothed” Carson.

We all know Jose Mourinho has likes to instill his traits and mentality into the Chelsea players. But he’s also shared some of his foresight and paranoia with everyone’s favourite executive, Peter Kenyon (just kidding, he’s a dick).

Fulham are neither close to selling Malbranque, nor signing a new forward. Good times ahead for Craven Cottage, then.

Stuart Pearce and Manchester City may not have had the best start to the season but are at least showing some bollocks by suspending Welsh thug Ben Thatcher before the FA and police announce their verdicts on his attempt to kill Pedro Mendes.

Apparently Gareth Southgate has made an inquiry to sign Jonathan Woodgate on loan. I can see the headline now… “Gareth and Jonathan close Gates on Arsenal strikers.” Excellent.

Reading are obviously going to entertain while they are in the Premiership with a willingness to attack and a shaky defence. And nothing says ‘even shakier’ like signing 32-year-old right Ecuadorian right-back, Ulisses De La Cruz.