Menu

5 More “Larssons” For The Premiership

Whether Manchester United’s Larsson loan deal turns out to be a genius bit of Cantona or a big pile of steaming Blanc, it’s definitely different.

Given the shocking amount of cash you have to hand over for a half decent young player these days, here are five more players that Premiership teams might consider, should they want to do a spot of grand Larssony (ho ho ho!) themselves and sign a golden oldie on a short term deal.

Christian “Bad Guy From Gladiator” Vieri, 33 – currently working for minimum wage (1,500 euros a month) at Atalanta, so may fancy dipping his toe in a wealthy Premiership wage pool. He’s also on a 100,000 euro a goal bonus with his Serie A team so should be busy developing that selfish streak that good strikers need. Or old, lazy strikers.
Destination: Newcastle. Big name, Shearer-esque in his prime, kinda crap now, what more can you ask for?

Jay Jay Okocha, 33 – was lighting up the Prem in a Bolton shirt before letting slip that he fancies a big money holiday in the Quatari league. After a few months playing for Quatar SC he may now realize what a terrible mistake he’s made. Any clubs looking for a tricktastic attacking midfielder with a propensity for hitting the woodwork should get in before Big Sam gets his hands around him again.
Destination: Bolton, Big Sam tells Jay Jay whatever he did the first time around and gets him back again.

Alessandro Del Piero, 32 – loyal to a fault, the little World Cup winner is currently wasting his final years with Juventus in Serie B. Could do a great job for a Premiership team coming on late, much as Bergkamp did in his final year or so at Arsenal. More likely though, he’ll be content to go down in history as the Italian Alan Knight.
Destination: Manchester United, Ferguson showed with Blanc and Larsson that he just can’t resist signing the players who he wanted but couldn’t get in their prime.

Dennis Bergkamp, 37 – he’s only been retired a year, surely someone could persuade him to dust off the boots, do a few laps and make a few Premiership cameos. Even in his latter days for Arsenal the non-flying Dutchman still looked the bees knees. They could probably do with him right now actually.
Destination: Tottenham. Shocking turn of events as he signs for the club who many people claim he supported as a boy, but probably didn’t.

Stan Collymore, 35 (36 in January)
– he hasn’t played for five years, he’s a mentalist, but damn he was he talented. And he wants to play too. For all the craziness, wouldn’t it be worth a club like Sheffield United or Watford (or even Charlton at this point) taking a gamble and signing the guy to a pay as you score deal? No, not that kind of score (ho ho ho!).
Destination: Charlton. They’re getting desperate.