Arsenal and Manchester United Screwed Barcelona

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According to Cristiano Ronaldo’s agent Jorge Mendes, Barcelona’s plans to strengthen over the summer were heartily kicked in the bollocks by Manchester United and Arsenal. The ability of both clubs to convince their star players to stay put a serious dent in the European Champions’ attempts to build a pants-wettingly good first eleven,

“I offered the player to Barca, but they told me they were expecting to sign Thierry Henry and rejected a possible deal,” he told El Mundo Deportivo.

Ah what a shame, an agent fails to get his 10% for once. Wait, there’s more?

“At this point it is practically impossible that the player can join Barca because Manchester would not sell him for all the money in the world.”

Yes, “practically” impossible. Agents really are the most delightful part of the footballing world, even when they’re saying there’s no way their client can be bought for all the money in the world – it’s still an open invitation for bids. Although if we got a 10% cut, it’s hard to say we wouldn’t do the same.