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Liverpool Confirm Shocking Signing

If the guy to the left appears before most of his photos on Google Images, it is not the best start for a new signing.

And when Steven Gerrard and Rafa Benitez harped on about the amazing plans that Liverpool’s new American owners had for the club, most Premiership watchers imagined it would involve matching Chelsea and Manchester United’s spending on the very best players.

Step up, Andrei Voronin!

“We are close to a deal. The scouting department has been working on this possibility,” Benitez told the club’s official website.

“He is an experienced striker who played in the World Cup and has scored goals for Ukraine, playing with Andriy Shevchenko, as well Bayer Leverkusen.

“He finishes his contract in the summer.”

You may have thought the first signing would be one of the talented youngsters Benitez said he wished he had the money to buy, or the high profile players only Chelsea could afford – but Liverpool’s scouts have determined that a 27 year old striker few have seen play is the next step forward for the Reds. You could argue that it’s simply a replacement for Robbie Fowler, a throwaway player happy to sit on the bench, but you’d think rotation-happy Benitez of all people would want 4 strikers all worthy of a starting spot every week.

Oh, and there was a time when scoring goals alongside Andrei Shevchenko might’ve been an indicator of how you might do in the Premiership, but probably not so much these days (see: Rebrov, Sergei and … err… Shevchenko, Andrei).