Latest Transfer Rumours: Lampard, Berbatov, Ronaldo, Gilberto, Crouch and Heinze

The world of Premiership transfer rumours is full of nonsense, but some nonsense is more interesting that the other nonsense. Speculation is rife in the likes of the Mirror, Daily Mail, Times, Sun and… err… Tribal Football all do their best to predict and/or completely make up the future.

Here’s our opinion on the rumours we’ve read in the papers and around the net… and if you have any thoughts, pop em in the comments.

Juventus are speaking to the agent of Chelsea’s Frank Lampard.CaughtOffside Says: Can’t see Frank going to Italy, the league has gone to hell and his girlfriend is Catalan not Italian – so that MUST mean he can only go to Barcelona.

Juventus are also plotting a £70m raid on the Premiership – with Lampard, Arsenal’s Gilberto Silva and Manchester United’s Gabriel Heinze targeted.

CaughtOffside Says: Aren’t Juventus meant to be in turmoil or something? They’re getting promoted but this is a pretty quick turnaround . Heinze is the most likely to move out of the three. Lampard isn’t going anywhere for now and, even with the emergence of Denilson, Wenger isn’t going to ditch his vice captain.

Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho has blamed the club’s failure to buy anyone in the January transfer market on owner Roman Abramovich’s marital problems.

CaughtOffside Says: Bitches are always f**king sh*t up. Ok we didn’t mean that, but it was fun to say. Women are the best.

Chelsea striker Andriy Shevchenko says he has no plans to quit the club and loves working for manager Jose Mourinho.CaughtOffside Says: Fantastic news for no one, as neither the club nor Shevchenko are currently benefiting from his presence. In fact, only his wife and the shops in London are winners out of this.

Spanish reports have claimed Real Madrid are to go all out to sign Cristiano Ronaldo this summer and they have a verbal agreement with the Manchester United winger.

CaughtOffside Says: Ronaldo won’t go anywhere this year, but he will in the next couple seasons. As for the ‘verbal agreement’, the lad told everyone he was leaving England after the World Cup and that worked out well didn’t it?

Liverpool are weighing up a summer move for Tottenham’s in-form striker Dimitar Berbatov, with Peter Crouch possibly moving back to White Hart Lane.

CaughtOffside Says:We always wondered what it would take for riots to break out all over London with Tottenham’s chairman hung by his bollocks over the Thames – and now we have our answer.

Liverpool have agreed to pay a six-figure fee to Ross County for 17-year-old midfielder Gary Mackay Steven.

CaughtOffside Says: We know EXACTLY who this guy is and can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that he may or may not be quite good eventually perhaps.

Bolton and Southampton are interested in signing Dundee defender Paul Dickson.

CaughtOffside Says:See above. We should really ask Craig.

Everton are set to sign Swindon teenager Lukas Jutkiewicz in the summer for £500,000.

CaughtOffside Says: Apparently he’s best mates with Manchester United keeper Tomas Ktufaiuzcyz.

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