The world of Premiership transfer gossip is full of nonsense, but some nonsense is more interesting that the other nonsense. Speculation is rife in the likes of the Mirror, Daily Mail, Times, Sun andâ€¦ errâ€¦ Tribal Football all do their best to predict and/or completely make up the future.
Hereâ€™s our opinion on the Premiership transfer rumours weâ€™ve read in the papers and around the netâ€¦ and if you have any thoughts, pop em in the comments.
CaughtOffside Crap-o-meter: 9/10. No chance. Cesc’s pre-pubescent brain may think that football works in a tit-for-tat fashion after seeing Henry bugger off for pastures Catalan. But sadly he’ll have to make do with a Crotian bloke he’s never heard of.
Arsenal may break their transfer record with a Â£15m bid for Boca Juniors striker Rodrigo Palacio.
CaughtOffside Crap-o-meter: 9/10. We just can’t see the usually controlled Wenger going nuts and spending money on two whole players.
Striker Marlon Harewood is on the verge of joining Aston Villa, after rejecting Wigan.
CaughtOffside Crap-o-meter: 2/10. Harewood is right up O’Neill’s alley in the vein of Heskey, Sutton, Hartson and Carew. Sadly…
Steve Bruce is interested in Spurs midfielder Hossam Ghaly.
CaughtOffside Crap-o-meter: 4/10. This may seem a no brainer considering every Spurs fan hates him after he threw his shirt following the dreaded substitue-the-substitute incident last season. But Ghaly showed some nice, if inconsistent play last year and Martin Jol seems like him.
Real Madrid have tabled a Â£13.5m bid for Chelsea winger Arjen Robben
CaughtOffside Crap-o-meter: 2/10. Mourinho will want to hold onto Arjen, and at that price Real haven’t got a shot.
Sven Goran Eriksson will allow Darius Vassell to leave Manchester City for just 1.5 million.
CaughtOffside Crap-o-meter: 4/10. We actually figured Sven would keep one of his old boys around, but maybe even he’s realised that Darius can run and…well, that’s about it.
Hearts keeper Craig Gordon wants to join Sunderland.
CaughtOffside Crap-o-meter: 3/10. Keano is smart enough to know the impact of a quality keeper, we reckon it’s just a matter of time before he convinces Niall Quinn to shell out for Gordon.
Charles N’Zogbia will tell Newcastle he wants to leave, with Fulham, Spurs and Bolton in the market for the winger.
CaughtOffside Crap-o-meter: 6/10. We think Sam will be able to hang onto the lad for another season with whatever trick he used to get people to sign for Bolton.
Middlesbrough and Blackburn are preparing to swoop for Everton striker James Beattie but could be put off by the Â£4m price tag.
CaughtOffside Crap-o-meter: 2/10. We think Moyes will give Beatts another chance for whatever reason, and try to get the fat chap into shape. 4 million is a lot to ask for someone who has man boobs.
Newcastle and Liverpool will fight to sign Manchester United’s Copa America loser Gabriel Heinze.
CaughtOffside Crap-o-meter: 9/10. Far too much press around Heinze’s desire to leave Old Trafford, maybe he can tell that he’s not what Sir Alex wants in a left back.
Chelsea will open negotiations with Sevilla over Daniel Alves when they return from their US tour. Sevilla want Â£20m for the right-back.
CaughtOffside Crap-o-meter: 4/10. Last two seasons, this would have been 1/10 but with Chelsea’s amazing restraint this year and Mourinho’s claim that he’s done spending this one seems unlikely. But it gets 4/10 anyway since it’s Chelsea after all.
Middlesbrough and Portsmouth are battling it out to sign Preston winger Simon Whaley.
CaughtOffside Crap-o-meter: Uh, 10/10? No idea who this guy is so…yeah…