The world of Premiership transfer gossip is full of nonsense, but some nonsense is more interesting that the other nonsense. Speculation is rife in the likes of the Mirror, Daily Mail, Times, Sun andâ€¦ errâ€¦ Tribal Football all do their best to predict and/or completely make up the future.
Hereâ€™s our opinion on the Premiership transfer rumours weâ€™ve read in the papers and around the netâ€¦ and if you have any thoughts, pop em in the comments.
Chelsea have resigned themselves to losing winger Arjen Robben to Real Madrid.
CaughtOffside Says: If we were supremely optimistic lovers-of-life, we would say this is the first wheel coming off the wagon and the floodgates are open for other clubs to start poaching from Chelsea. But we hate everyone, so this will just mean Roman will drop 50 million on some other winger.
Jose Mourinho’s will spend the Robben money on Seville’s Daniel Alves.
CaughtOffside Says: And there it is. If there’s one thing that will make Chelsea popular, its signing a diving, whinging Brazilian winger. Everyone in England loves those.
Derby are lining up a Â£3m bid for Charlton winger Jerome Thomas.
CaughtOffside Says: Thomas on one side, Giles Barnes on the other and up front a st…oh whatever they’re relegated.
Former Chelsea target Elano Blumer will sign for Manchester City for Â£10 million move and is expected to sign a four-year contract possibly as early as today.
CaughtOffside Says: Sven really is blazing his way through every player linked with the Premiership. He’s going to have a massive managerial task ahead of him with virtually an entirely new squad and masses of expectations and, assuming the British press is as kind to him as they were when he was England coach, little in the way of patience.
Birmingham are waiting to hear from Arsenal on whether Johan Djourou will be allowed to join them on a season-long loan.
CaughtOffside Says: Steve Bruce sure loves his Arsenal loans, with Niklaus Bendter and Fabrice Muamba already gracing… whatever Birmingham’s stadium is called. We don’t see Djourou being allowed to leave though since centre back cover is one of those things you think you don’t need in football until they’re all injured and Cesc Fabregas is challenging Drogba for headers.
Spurs have opened talks with West Brom over highly-rated defender Curtis Davies.
CaughtOffside Says: Really? REALLY? Depth is one thing, but having Ledley King, Michael Dawson, Younes Kaboul, Anthony Gardner and Ricardo Rocha on your books seems a bit much. Even if Gardner AND Rocha are sold, that’s 4 players who are used to starting every match for their clubs. But hey, Martin Jol has ignored the ‘too many cooks’ rule up front and in midfield and it seems to have worked out so far.
Manchester United may trump Manchester City for Juventus defender Giorgio Chiellini by throwing Gabriel Heinze into the offer.
CaughtOffside Says: Poor Heinze, simply a pawn between three clubs trying to pay him tens of thousands of pounds a week to play football. Everyone pity poor Heinze.
Middlesbrough winger Stewart Downing has told Tottenham to forget any attempts to sign him.
CaughtOffside Says: They can sign thousands of players for every position but the one that they need, left midfield, has players rejecting them left and right (or just left, hoo ha ha ha!). Martin Petrov went to City and Downing wants stay in sunny Middlesbrough. Although, as any Spurs fan will tell you, Martin Jol doesn’t want no stinkin’ left midfielder anyway. It’s all part of the plan, see?
Fulham have had a Â£3.9m bid for Watford striker Hameur Bouazza rejected as the Hornets are holding out for Â£5m.
CaughtOffside Says: 5 million for a striker who hasn’t done crap except look kinda ok sometimes for a relegated team? Bite their hand off, Lawrie.