The world of Premiership transfer gossip is full of nonsense, but some nonsense is more interesting that the other nonsense. Speculation is rife in the likes of the Mirror, Daily Mail, Times, Sun andâ€¦ errâ€¦ Tribal Football all do their best to predict and/or completely make up the future.
Hereâ€™s our opinion on the Premiership transfer rumours weâ€™ve read in the papers and around the netâ€¦ and if you have any thoughts, pop em in the comments.
West Brom defender Curtis Davies is begging to leave and join Tottenham.
CaughtOffside Says: For God’s sake let him leave then, been moaning for bloody ages. If he wants to go and join the defender merry-go-round at White Hart Lane then who are dirty Brum scum to stop him? Fascists!
Aston Villa boss Martin O’Neill is set to sign Â£4m-rated Norwegian defender Brede Hangeland.
CaughtOffside Says: A stunning transfer coup, we’re… we’re speechless. There really is nothing to say about how spectacular this is. Cause, Hangeland… you know, he’s Norwegian. And a defender and… uh, WHO?
Newcastle boss Sam Allardyce is set to complete a deal for Brazilian defender Claudio Capaca.
CaughtOffside Says: And the Big Sam Boltification of Newcastle continues.
Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp is closing in on Real Mallorca winger Jonas Guttierrez, who is known as “Spiderman”.
CaughtOffside Says: That is ridiculous. Harry adds another feather to his “wonky transfers” cap. In fact, pretty sure this is the bloke who pulls a Spiderman mask out of his sock to wear when he celebrates a goal. That’ll go over well at Fratton Park with that crazy tattooed bastard in the stands.
Sunderland are favourites to sign Cork striker Roy O’Donovan.
CaughtOffside Says: Yes, “favourites”. Must’ve been tough beating out Mrs. O’Donovan and the milkman from East Enders.
Middlesbrough manager Gareth Southgate has turned his attention to Nantes striker Luigi Pieroni after missing out on Alan Smith.
CaughtOffside Says: If Pieroni is as good a footballer as Peroni beer is delicious, he’ll be a massive hit. But it’s not spelt the same, so he’s probably shit.
Everton are looking at Elfsborg full-back Daniel Mobaeck, who scored his side’s winner in a Champions League qualifier recently.
CaughtOffside Says: And the string of today’s Big Name rumours continues. Mobaeck’s winner came against Hungarian side Debreceni VSC, which is like scoring the winner against Blind Midgets FC. We knows Moyes said he wasn’t going to spend irresponsibly, but this is a bit much.
West Ham have made Barcelona striker Eidur Gudjohnsen their main target now that Carlos Tevez is set to leave for Manchester United.
CaughtOffside Says: What utter toss! Well, actually this is a pretty good move for Hammers. Gudjohnsen is a great team player with bags of footballing intelligence, he’ll be able to tie their attacking play together nicely and knock in a few himself. Good foil for just about any striker, especially a runner like Craig Bellamy.
Fulham are set to complete the signing of Watford winger Hameur Bouazza for Â£4m within 48 hours.
CaughtOffside Says: 4 million sure seems steep for someone with 8 goals in 83 appearances. But then again Lawrie Sanchez must see something we don’t. Either that or he’s a complete idiot. But no complete idiot has ever been a football manager, right?