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Ten Reasons Why Arsenal Should Wish Arsene Wenger Had Left

From The Terraces publishes UNEDITED submissions we receive from you, the readers. It’s your chance to show us how this football blogging is done right, or to embarrass yourself and your ancestors.

Simply write to: editor[at]caughtoffside[dot]com.

This time, we can’t tell if it’s a bit of good fun or the deluded rantings of a mad man, but COS reader Scott is doing his best to make a case against Arsene Wenger’s recent contract extension. He even calls him a punani… twice.

1. He insists on his team pushing the ball around (the goal is an irrelevant object), moving frantically & needlessly; like Calum Best on a speed-dating session. What he thinks is high-tech dynamic football is as penetrating as a wooden spoon and creates nothing.

2. He drooled over Wayne Rooney after his magical debut goal, then sat on his thumb whilst Roon was being hawked to everyone from Manchester United to Newcastle.

3. The only player he did sign from Everton was Franny Jeffers for £8m. £8million!!!!!!!!!!!

4. He can’t deliver in Europe when the Liverpool’s boss, aka the “fat one” from a Zorro lookey-likey contest, did on his first go. How many tries does it take???

5. He can’t even deliver the Premier League anymore. LOSER.

6. Stupid hair that looks like a punani.

7. Too many trophies will create excessive cabinet repair cost that those darn stadium payments will not allow.

8. A desire to turn our glorious game into a non-contact sport.

9. He smells like a punani.

10. His name is Arsene, he manages Arsenal. A disgusting symmetry pounced upon by Arsenal fans. My level of disgust with this has only been topped by the realization that George Foreman has called all his umpteen children “George”.