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Chelsea Boss Writes This Season Off, Confirms Club Management As Laughing Stock

Mourinho obviously saw this coming, which was probably the reason why he stole the scouting dossiers when he left, but even that couldn’t stop Avram Grant copying his tactics. The first question is, if Mourinho left because Abramovich liked neither his recent results or his playing style, then why in the name of all things nouveau riche is Avram Grant copying the Special One?

The Times is today reporting on this bungling mess that is starting to resemble a performance of Swan Lake by some local drunks. It has transpired that Avram Grant’s last stint in the Champions League was cut short due to fielding an ineligible player, and Chelsea themselves have only scored against Rosenborg and Hull City in their last six matches, making Ebeneezer Scrooge look free scoring.

Tonight against Valencia, John Terry will be swanning around in a mask, which will fulfill two dual roles, protecting his cheekbones, and obscuring his face. Meanwhile in the Managerial Study Center , Steve Clarke is helping Avram Grant with his homework, but Avram has a cunning plan – a-la Baldrick – copy Mourinho!. Grant told the press:

“I took a very difficult job at a very difficult time with no time for preparation.At the moment we are doing what the players were used to in the past, including preparation, tactics and everything. I can’t choose the timing of it.”

So Grant has had so little time to prepare that he is still using the Special One’s tactics. Here we have Avram Grant, using the ex-manager’s tactics, yet to even implement his own training schedule, with all the depth of knowledge and European experience of a gibbon with Alzheimer’s. But it’ll be fine, after all Avram Grant watches 20 Champions League matches every season. And look, he’s even talking about the future, he’s a optimist! Grant said:

“If you ask any coach in the world, he would say he wants to take a new job at the beginning of the year. You can have a training camp and time to prepare the team in your own style and with your own vision. Next summer I’ll have that opportunity when Chelsea go to China.”

That’s the spirit! Didn’t you guys know that the whole point of sacking a manager for poor performance after 6 games and then bringing in a new boss is to improve their fortunes a year later? Silly us for thinking it was to turn things around this season, because that would make sense.