Liverpool Keeper Disappointed In His Team, Looks Forward To Taking 3 From Tottenham

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Inspired by Rafa B’s edict before the Marseilles game that under no circumstances did he want any excuses from his top players, Liverpool goalkeeper Pepe Reina has leapt into the arms of waiting journalists like an amorous salmon. Liverpool lost 1-0 to Marseilles, at home, and now have a glorious one point from the first two Champions League games; Pepe wept:

“To lose at home is always difficult, especially for us because we’re used to winning every game here. We have to sort it out.”

Pepe continued to lambast his team, saying that maybe this year Liverpool have saved their good performances for the Premier League (*cough* Birmingham, Portsmouth *splutter*), Pepe said:

“Everything went wrong. It was disappointing because we never play like this. We were late and almost always behind the ball. Last year we were brilliant in the Champions League but started the Premier League poorly. Today it looks like it’s the other way round.”

Pepe then started to get very tense, and started squirming in the arms of the journalists who were cradling him. Pepe said:

“We have to talk about it today, analyse and stay calm. There is pressure but there’s pressure on any game – there’s always pressure to win when you wear a Liverpool shirt.”

But as Pepe looked to the future, contemplating the intense pressure associated with wearing the legendary liverpool goalkeepers shirt, worn by Bruce “Bribe Master” Grobbelaar, “Calamity” James, and Tommy “The Flying Pig” Lawrence. He visibly relaxed though when he realized who was next on the fixture list, Pepe said:

“Now we must think about Tottenham on Sunday. We need three points because we’re at home and we will still be confident.”