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Michael Owen Only Listens To One Person, And They Don’t Work For Newcastle

Today’s Sun footballing headline is “Shut It Sam”, as Little Mickey Owen tells Big Sam to stop sniffing around his groin (injury) and to desist from telling him when he can and cannot play for England. Honestly, anyone would think that Big Sam was his club manager!

When it comes to his groin, Little Mickey says that he only trust the same person we trust with ours – German surgeon Dr Ulrike Muschaweck. Owen also says that Big Sam got the date of his injury wrong, Allardyce was telling all and sundry that Owen picked up his groin injury whilst playing for England, but Owen says he had the injury before then.

Little Mickey piped up,

“I’ll listen to the surgeon and not anyone else because she knows what she is talking about. Could I play against Estonia? I don’t see why not. The surgeon tells me nothing can go wrong in terms of the operation.”

That’s what we were told before getting our tonsils out, and we woke up a size 36DD. Big Sam is still keeping a close eye on Owen’s groin and has told Steve McClaren in no uncertain terms that should his nads come back in a state of disrepair, he will be very very upset indeed.

Little Mickey though is amazed at how great his groin feels:

“It’s unbelievable. It feels great. It’s much stronger than when I went in. As long as you can manage the pain, it won’t get any worse. Thankfully now I can go out and not feel any pain. I’m available for both sides I represent.”

So there you have it – Michael Owen has a new, incredibly powerful crotch.