Arsenal Goalkeepers Are Hilarious And Terrifying

Posted by

We love Arsenal’s Jens Lehmann, on paper he is uncannily similar to South Park’s Eric Cartman (maybe a little different visually) , but both sport a perma-pout, both have artificially inflated egos, and both take themselves very seriously whilst being laughed at by pretty much everybody. Beat poet Alan Ginsberg used to have to get high on a variety of chemicals to produce the kind of trippy, surreal performances that these two Arsenal ‘keepers put in every week. Ginsberg would also be impressed by Jens Lehmann’s latest ‘Ree-spect my Author-itahh!’ outburst.

Whereas most Arsenal players were putting in scintillating performances and scoring goals for fun, Lehmann started the season by gifting goals to the opposition, gaffes so bad that Arsene probably pooped his panties. As a result Lehmann has been summarily dropped by Wenger, to be replaced by Almunia, who has been startlingly gaffe-free (so far), recording 6 clean sheets in 9 starts.

But Mad Jens is not happy, oh no, Lehmann told The Sun:

“It’s the first time I have not been playing and that is due to an elbow injury and Almunia has now said he is the better goalie.”

“But if I join a team in which No.1 goalie has been the No 1 for years and also won titles and then I fail to perform, I find those remarks disrespectful.”

Why is Lehmann all three people in his own example?

Anyway, who will win this confrontation? Punch happy German nut-bar Lehmann, who has clearly caught some form of mental illness from Ollie Kahn, or nimble yet naive peroxide haired Spaniard Manuel Almunia? Does either of them deserve the #1 shirt in the long term or is Wenger better of throwing Fabianski into the mix and literally letting the last man standing get the job?