Arsenal Midfielder Is Weak Like Baby

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The Daily Mail is trying to sweep last night’s rancid displays under the carpet and and is instead looking towards this weekend’s games. Arsenal, boosted by the fact that they will be playing rudderless Bolton, who have installed lunatic workaholic Archie Knox (responsible for turning Stephen Hughes into ineffective jelly and Alex Nyarko into a sobbing pile of urine at Everton) , and Arsenal will be looking to throw Czech midfielder of Tomas Rosicky back into the mix. Party poopers the Daily Mail, however, are looking to spoil his return with a headline saying : “Childhood problems make Rosicky a doubt for Gunners” – the long and the short of which is that Rosicky has a muscle development problem and could be prone to occasional bouts of injury.

Apparently Rosicky has a muscle weakness in his rear end making him susceptible to injuries when he sits on the bench…errr…or something like that. We’ll let Czech Republic doctor Pavel Kolar explain: “Tomas has an imbalance of his muscle structure.In my opinion, this plays a big role in his injuries. Some of his muscles work more and are more developed whereas others are not.The problem is in the co-ordination of muscles which Tomas uses. Muscles on the rear side of his thigh are enormously strained, it is a matter from his childhood.”

The Daily Mail, not content with this piece of negativity throw a cherry on top of the cake of potential disappointment. Veteran German goalkeeper Grade A , rosette-winning village fair champion loon Jens Lehmann is back from his elbow problems and is ready to smash some skulls, he has told his manager so, but Arsene looks like he will opt for Almunia for the time being, or until Lehmann checks himself in to a decent Anger Management Clinic to relieve him of his teutonic angst.