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Newcastle owner to jump ship and takeover at Spurs, while money is all that matters to Martin

The Sun is reporting that ex-Tottenham board member Paul Kemsley and his bessie mate, Newcastle Chairman Mike Ashley are ready to launch a cheeky takeover bid for Tottenham, and whilst this is happening friendly ogre Martin Jol is asking Tottenham Board members if they have any spare change so he can buy presents for his family(!?). It seems that although Mike Ashley only recently took the reins at Newcastle, he’s really a die hard Spurs fan and just picked up Newcastle as an afterthought, rather like how a normal person would pick up some chewing gum whilst in line at the check-out of a supermarket.

Kemsley left after a series of rows over the farce that was the Spurs Board’s impromtu field trip to Spain to bag Juande Ramos. It appears that Kemsley organized said field trip, and not only were the cucumber sandwiches soggy, but they didn’t come back with Juande Ramos either.
Meanwhile, skint Spurs ogre Martin Jol has told Levy that he wants a bonus for overseeing the £28 million profits that Tottenham made this year. Jol said :

“I don’t need a pat on the back as long as I get a nice bonus to buy my family some presents.”

Hmm, the Jol kids may be picking coal out of the stocking this Christmas. As far as we know you don’t get much of a bonus when your employers have tried to replace you only a couple months earlier.