Chelsea Bosses Say What They Are Paid To Say

Posted by

Chelsea boss Avram Grant, possibly emboldened by all the gruff, tough American Football players waddling around his teams training ground, has turned on the whiners on the periphery of the Chelsea squad. Like a loon headmaster, Grant marched behind the school bike shed and caught all the underage smokers red handed. Chief amongst the naughty boys was cry baby SWP, who Grant frogmarched straight into detention. Grant snorted:

“We are talking about professional players and they need to handle everything. We are not babysitters. Generally we treat our players very positively and professionally and we expect the same from them. First and foremost we have to think about what’s good for Chelsea. “

As if to confirm that he is a fully paid up member of the John Gregory Nutter Appreciation Society, or perhaps wary of the Russian sniper rifle that might be pointed at his head from a nearby rooftop, the Israeli went on to praise Andriy Shevchenko. Grant said:

“Shevchenko is a great player with a great attitude. He has not been at his best since the beginning of the season and this is the reason why he doesn’t play. There are many reasons for this and we need to help him as we help all our players. But players need to help themselves. Sometimes you never know if it’s a physical or mental reason why the players don’t look good. Sometimes it’s both. It does not say anything about the future. When we need him I’m sure he’ll be there. When some players are not at their best it doesn’t mean they are finished. Some players have the right attitude, they fight to come back quicker. That is the way with Andriy.”

Whilst boring softie Avram Grant was clearly trying to cultivate his tough lunatic side, notorious hard man Henk Ten Cate was busy transforming himself from The Punisher to Mr Entertainment. Ten Cate said:

“To the crowd we are like performers. If you go to the cinema, you want to see good acting. So if you go to a football game, you want to see good attractive football that’s good to watch. The biggest compliment we got at Barcelona for winning the Champions League was not holding the cup but that almost everyone knew and spoke of the football Barcelona played.”

Blah blah blah