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England’s hopes rest on Benayoun according to Liverpool

We all know how desperate England’s situation is. Steve McClaren spent the weekend watching a charity match in LA hoping to pick up some tips, as international lows go, do we not like that? But who is this coming to save us, it’s Yossi Benayoun and and his Israeli friends.

“Me and Stevie have been getting into him,” Crouch told his club’s website.

“We’re trying to keep him fresh for the Israel game. Hopefully he will do us a job against Russia.”

Quite how getting into him’ relates to keeping him fresh we don’t know, what’s wrong with just sticking the guy in a fridge for a couple of weeks until he can come out and score a hat-trick in Tel Aviv?

“Of course, now it would be great to see him make himself a hero to the England fans as well as the Liverpool ones.”

Continued the beanpole. But, to be honest, to we need the drama we’ve already been humiliated once in this competition, the last thing we need is McClaren to be given a second chance.