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Manchester United’s Wonderboy Is A Clumsy Oaf

“OO PUT DAT DUR?!?” Yelped Wayne with an air of injured astonishment as he fell over some training apparatus yesterday.

And Wayne was forced to explain to the rouge tinted Lord of the Ferg: “WE WUZ PLAYIN…AN I HAD A BIRRA F’K’N ACCIDENT LIKE. WILL YA SEND ME TO DEE OZZY?”

You just knew it was going to happen didn’t you – after going months without any kind of foot injury Wayne ‘Once A Blue Always A Blue’ Rooney has gone and knackered his ankle. And superstar Rooney couldn’t injure it in a normal way, no – the Roonster somehow contrived to fall over what The Sun calls “a metal piece of apparatus which the players use to run round.” Nice. Not since then Everton ‘keeper Richard Wright injured his ankle by falling over a sign in the Stamford Bridge goalmouth which read “NOT IN USE – PLEASE PRACTISE [sic] IN TEMPORARY GOALMOUTH” have we seen such sheer stupidity.

Not only will this news give the Lord of the Ferg yet another thing to be pissy about but Steve McClaren will now go into what will probably be his last game without the jewel in his crown. Instead he’ll have to make do with a man who has only played about 50 minutes of football – and abysmal yank-soccer at that – as the ‘star’ of his farewell party.

Rooney had been in white-hot form, scoring 9 in 9 and bagging the player of the month award for October; having said that – if he was to miss a month of football the loveable lad picked a good ‘un. Granted, the loveable scouse heffalump will be missed in the Premier League, but the Champions League games are irrelevant as United have already qualified and the England games – one is a friendly and barring a miracle the other will be even more meaningless than the friendly!



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