Sunderland’s Resident Mentalist Fires Off War Cry For Newcastle Game

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Hard as nails managerial mentalist Roy Keane has called for any true warriors in the Sunderland squad to come forward for this weekend’s derby with Newcastle. Whilst his opposite number is busy bleating about how the press have made his job tougher and why the fans should be please with his performance ‘cos Newcastle have basically been crap for years, Roy Keane has been headbutting brick walls, wrestling with pit bulls and chewing barbed wire as preparation for this game.
Keane said:

“It’s in these games that you are looking for your leaders, your warriors. The top players will really look forward to these games, they are the games when you make your mark. I’ve got faith that our lads will step up to the plate and show what playing for Sunderland is all about. We’ll be ready, no doubt about that.”

When it was pointed out to Keane that Sunderland haven’t beaten Newcastle at home for 27 years, the Irishman roared:

“What’s happened before does not concern me, this is my first derby game as manager and that’s all I’m focused on. What happened last year, 10 years ago or 20 years ago doesn’t interest me. What does interest me is my players being ready for the game and playing with pride and passion coupled with some quality – that’s what we need.”

It wouldn’t surprise us if Keane turned up at the game wearing a tuxedo made of grizzly-bearskin and old Sunderland shirts – this man is 24 carat nutter.